I hurt my baby co sleeping

[Bumpyroads]

Baby is a terrible sleeper, we co sleep and I feel very sleep deprived.
I have always talked in my sleep however last night I had a nightmare and got very angry in my sleep.
We were co sleeping and baby was sleeping in the crook of my arm.
I bit him in my sleep hard on his eyebrow, I woke up immediately to him crying I thought I had bitten his eye and immediately started shouting at my husband to turn on the light. Im so upset about it he has red teeth marks which will probably leave a bruise.
Not sure I can tell anyone in real life so posting here

This must have been really scary OP and you sound at your wits end.

I agree with PPs that you need to stop co-sleeping. If you think you might be able to afford it (c£350 for 2 weeks) please engage a sleep consultant - I used Little Dreams Consulting for both of my DDs. Chances are v v high that your baby will be sleeping through the night in their own cot in their own room within a week. Good luck 🤞

If you saw a baby with an adult bite mark on their face are you saying you would just ignore it?

I think a lot of these comments are why people this Mumsnet is a toxic place 🙄 dear me you’re like vultures

Place your baby in a cot in their own room. You've made a rod for your own back by co sleeping. A sleepless night is easier to deal with than a dead baby. You need to sort it for yourd and your baby's sake.

At 11 months old baby doesn’t need to be in same bedroom, let alone same bed.

Put his cot in a separate room at night.

He is absolutely breastfeeding through the night for comfort/habit rather than hunger at this point. A separate room where he can’t hear or smell you should make it easier (after he has adjusted).

I don’t think it would even notice to be honest, you haven’t seen it, might not even look like a bite mark

This

As a co sleeping Mother, if your night terrors are so severe then you shouldn’t be co sleeping end of.

If you’re very sleep deprived, dad needs to step up.

You know being a HCP isn’t a badge of honour meaning you know all. I think some of the advice in this thread is barbaric and completely against our instincts as mothers probably all coming from a place of “well this is how I did it so it’s ok” when it absolutely isn’t. Hopefully the OP has enough support to ignore this scare mongering

Your need to do some sleep training for all of your safety. That can involve you soothing the baby as much as you want, you can pick what method works for you.

Sorry to hear this, you must be so upset. Clearly you are going to have to stop co sleeping . Him lying in the crook of your arm doesn’t sound safe anyway. I know this was horrible but it could have been so so much worse xx

Cosleeping in Japan is generally on harder futons with the father sleeping in a different room. It’s also more normal because of the small size houses many Japanese live on - they just don’t have the room for separate bedrooms. The theory that SIDS is lower as a result is quite a contentious one. It’s been a practice for hundreds of years, and yet the SIDS rate has only recently fallen following more education on safe sleeping, such as parents not smoking round the baby.

You bit him??? I don’t see how you’ve bitten him in your sleep to be honest

At the moment it has red tooth marks so I pile look like a bite. Obviously if it didn’t bruise in a bite pattern then no one would know (although HCPs look out for facial bruising). I think if most adults saw a baby with a bite mark on their face they’d be concerned.

My eldest got a bruised cheek at nursery from a garden toy. She had an allergy appt at the hospital and they referred to ss as a precaution. It was fine, a phone call and no further action. If then, of course she had other referrals for injuries they’d look into it further.

You say your husband won’t take him in the night but will he take him out for stew hours at the weekend do you can nap? My DH took da out every Saturday morning for a walk and coffee and those extra hours sleep saved me. Your LO is easily old enough to eat food and go for a few hours without bf so this should definitely be an option for you.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. That must have been awful for you.

I frequently see posts on here advocating co-sleeping. I actually know someone who suffocated their baby, whilst co-sleeping. She was deeply asleep and thought the baby was her pillow. It was utterly heartbreaking.

I think you’re missing the point here. A baby has been bitten on the face by a mother who was not in control. That is shocking and is enough of a reason not to sleep with your baby. Next time could be much worse.

OP I really feel for you, my baby was a dreadful sleeper and the only way I managed was to co-sleep as she would wake up within minutes of being put down unless she was right next to me. However if you are co-sleeping and still so tired then it seems like it's not really helping you? Are you getting any solid sleep at all?

If your husband refuses to help during the night - which is actually diabolical of him and completely unacceptable - then by the sounds of how tired you are maybe you should try going to bed early evening and leaving him with the baby? He has to support you in some way here.

Christ!! No wonder this incident took place!

Is your DH not utterly ashamed that you’re that tired you are a danger to your baby!

He’s the issue! If you had help you’d not be so tired!

I honestly just think that she needs to get the support to get a good sleep without the baby being at risk. Her husband isn’t going to support her so maybe her GP or another HCP might. What’s the alternative- she gets mentally unwell from lack of sleep. Surely it’s better to get support now before she becomes psychotic due to sleep deprivation. It happens so much more than the public hear about due to mums feeling shame.

If she hides it from the authorities she is at more risk of people thinking it was intentional when it clearly was not.

I would really advocate sleep training. Cosleeping didn't work in our house. Sleep training was quick, effective and better for everyone imo.

What part of she had a nightmare, got very angry in her sleep and bit her baby are you struggling with?

What do you mean 'you don't see how'?

The baby was lying in the crook of her arm as she explained.

I am so sorry, I think you should be very clear your dh is completely fucking useless in the health visitor chat. Are you able to have a come to Jesus chat where you say I want you to leave, because you cannot make any effort at all to support me or keep your baby safe as I’m too tired to function. That is the behaviour of a shit husband and a neglectful father. You can either leave and I tell everyone why, I’m not protecting you from everyone knowing you won’t support me to get any sleep at all; or if you stay you must take baby and care for him for a 3 hour window between 8pm and 6am. Take your pick. I am telling the health visitor tomorrow so she knows I don’t have any support, and I will leave for my mums after that and tell everyone we are done if you haven’t given me a commitment that you then follow through on every night.

She hasn’t had enough sleep because she has a baby, it’s not a sleep disorder! Obviously she can’t do the same and has to work out a better system but it’s not unusual to have nightmares when you are so sleep deprived.

I don’t think it’s dramatic at all. The advice from one poster upthread was not to seek medical advice because she would end up losing the baby temporarily while they investigated - followed up with the advice to cancel the health visitor. This is utter nonsense. It’s in no-one’s interests to remove a young baby from its mother in these circumstances - especially as OP says the HV already knows she is having difficulties. All that’s needed is a simple explanation of what happened, and a request for help with alternatives to co sleeping.

If it’s a bite mark it will likely be noticed by others and if someone did decide to report, then OP would have a lot of explaining to do as to why she didn’t follow up with GP and why she cancelled the HV appointment - it screams something to hide, when that’s clearly not the case.