I hurt my baby co sleeping

[Bumpyroads]

Baby is a terrible sleeper, we co sleep and I feel very sleep deprived.
I have always talked in my sleep however last night I had a nightmare and got very angry in my sleep.
We were co sleeping and baby was sleeping in the crook of my arm.
I bit him in my sleep hard on his eyebrow, I woke up immediately to him crying I thought I had bitten his eye and immediately started shouting at my husband to turn on the light. Im so upset about it he has red teeth marks which will probably leave a bruise.
Not sure I can tell anyone in real life so posting here

But it isn't safe. You know that. So I would tell the health visitor, and then also tell her the steps you will take to make sure it cannot happen again.

I’ve been there with the exhaustion, but given what has happened you aren’t safe to co sleep. Please mention it to your HV and get their advice. Can your partner take on more of the nights? We got through it by sleeping in shifts.

Is your partner doing any of the night wakes? You need and deserve support to relieve some of your sleep deprivation.

If the skin isn’t broken, I’d avoid the GP. If it actually looks like a bite, how can you be sure they won’t think you did it on purpose? You’d have SS round, and goodness knows what they’d want to do.
But ditto to pps who say please stop co sleeping!

You dont really have the option not to tell her, how are you going to explain the bite mark?

You cannot cosleep again, what if it had been lower? You could have blinded your baby. Currently you are a danger to him if you cosleep

If you take turns and one of you goes to bed early, even if the baby stays awake all night, you can each get a good 6 hours of sleep. Not brilliant but it is enough to stop you hallucinating and feeling drunk. Sounds like you may not be safe to drive currently?

That’s not true anymore. Or rather, it’s not advised against anymore, as medical professionals recognise that 70% of parents end up cosleeping to some degree (source: the midwife at my post-birth 10 day check up, four weeks ago). The point is to do it safely.

Where is your husband in all this?

my baby was similar but I persevered and now he’s a great independent sleeper and has been since 1. I never co-slept.
my husband did the first part of the night so I could get solid chunk of sleep before midnight and I would go to bed early.

We co slept no issue with DD, but while pregnant with DS I started sleep walking and haven’t stopped. Haven’t co slept with the other two. Don’t beat yourself up but take this as a sign that it’s not for you.

I’m all for cosleeping and totally understand and remember the pains of a baby that doesn’t sleep but you need to stop.

My husband does mad stuff in his sleep from time to time, often when he’s either super stressed or super exhausted. Mostly this is talking/leaping out of bed/screaming but one particularly bad episode had him jump up and punch me (he dreamt someone had broken into the house). You absolutely cannot risk something like that happening to your baby.

It will take time and be incredibly difficult but baby will get used to sleeping in their own cot.

Absolutely. I'm not in the UK (NZ) but 17 years ago when I had my first, and again with my second, the midwives showed me how to co-sleep safely at the maternity hospital, and tucked me into bed with my newborns! There's nothing wrong with co-sleeping if you're not drunk/on drugs or other medication that affects sleeping, and have safe bedding (light, breathable.) By the time they were about 9 months old they were practically doing their own night feedings without waking me!

But if OP is lashing out in her sleep, it's not safe. At 11 months baby is nearly a toddler - could he fall asleep in his father's arms, potentially? Or as a pp suggested, a floor bed where OP can settle him to sleep, and then carefully move away?

Husband has never woken at night for the baby and has only suggested i just go to bed earlier or nap with baby in the day (involving more co sleeping) i dont think he will budge on this so theres no point in saying he should be doing xyz as it won't change.

Baby won't take a bottle but im pretty sure breastfeeding during the night at this age is comfort rather than hunger?
We have a cot next to the bed but every time I try to move him into it he wakes up, we have seen some improvement with being able to shush and pat him back to sleep but it doesn't always work.

You obviously cannot cosleep again, and i say that as someone who started to cosleep when my baby was 5 months and hes now 19 months and we still do. He woke every 30 minutes to 1 hour for around 13 months and I was so exhausted I felt physically ill and I'm a completely solo parent so I do totally get how exhausting it is, but really, this is a risk you cant take.

I would be honest with professionals as you do sound like you need help (which is absolutely okay and nothing to be ashamed about) but you really cant continue to cosleep. Bites are also very dangerous so I would be inclined to get the baby checked. I'm sorry youre in this position.

Right, so you have a husband problem as well as a baby problem. That's really not great.

At baby's age, I suggest putting your mattress on the floor and putting him on a cot mattress beside it. Then you can lie next to him while he's on the cot mattress and feed him to sleep, and then carefully (so carefully!) scooch away, and get into your bed. Then repeat when needed during the night.

You "D"H won't help with his own baby even though it has become dangerous and actually harmed your baby?

If the skin isn’t broken do not go to the doctor. Just stop co sleeping immediately.
Sadly if you seek medical attention you will likely temporarily lose your baby while it’s investigated (this would be correct but given the circumstances you describe will cause you and baby trauma)
you’ve identified the issue so immediately just stop co sleeping.

If you have a partner can you take it in turns to sleep? I don’t think you should Co sleep again

Yes but the OP has a member of the health team visiting her tomorrow anyway, so will either have to explain the bite mark or cancel the appointment.

As daunting as it feels right now, you must stop co-sleeping for the safety of your baby. Take this incident as a warning sign.

Go to sleep when your husband is home, even if it is a short nap, in between feeds, sleep is sleep.
If your husband is off the following day, you should sleep in the spare room/sofa to get a full nights sleep and let him look after the baby. They shouldn’t be waking for feeds at 11 months so let him deal with it.

I would be open and honest with your HV, they can support you with your struggles. Maybe baby needs more solid food to feel more restful during the night?

If finances allow, invest in a next 2 me forever cot, this sleeps up to age 4. It saved me when our son was unsettled during the night, but also promotes safety.

Then I’d advise to cancel it with another excuse and reschedule

I think that the health visitor being aware would actually be helpful in getting your DH to be aware of the seriousness of the situation, and how his total lack of support or interest in parenting his child is affecting you. When you are a parent you have to do the hard parts as well as the fun parts, and if he won't do anything overnight or to do with sleep and settling then he is not parenting.

It would be much safer to put your ds in his cot and leave him to cry it out. It will be hell for a couple of nights, but you cannot sustain this op. It is really dangerous. Then you will be able to sleep. I also co-slept with dd for a short while with a dh, who didn’t get it either, so I get it.

I cosleep, OP, so i understand the absolute desperation when they won't sleep. DD2 and I still partially cosleep at 2yrs.

First of all, you sound utterly exhausted. Can your partner or a family member come and take baby so you can get a few hrs uninterrupted sleep. At 11months, you should be able to get a solid chunk. Even do you have a local hotel you could go to for one night?

Then I think you could consider rethinking sleeping arrangements. We have a next2me forever that attaches to our bed and goes up to 22kg / age 4, but you could adapt a normal cot. There are lots of hacks online. We settle DD2 on our bed, then when shes asleep, transfer her to the cot, then she only comes back into the bed if she wakes up and won't settle herself. But she feels comfortable because she is right next to us.

Then longer term, think about how you and your partner can split the nights more easily. My DH used to do every Fri and Sat night in full so I got two proper nights sleep. We combi fed so I did a combo of expressing plus formula. That would help me to reset. I know others split the nights in half - so you sleep 7pm - 1am and then your partner sleeps 1am-6am etc. We did that a bit with DD2 as well and it helped. Sleep training also doesnt have to mean cry it out. With DD1, we did a gentler method called pick up put down. There are lots of options. Your HV might be able to advise as well - mine was very good at giving me some tips.

Good luck - its scary when something like this happens but I hope it will give you encouragement to look after yourself too. Its so important. 💐

I would deffo cancel the appointment. It's a hard one and I understand the exhaustion. Although it feels like a constant never ending treadmill, it does eventually get easier. It is a time in your life you just have to get through. If you continue to co sleep and something worse happens you wouldn't forgive yourself.