Six-year-old wants to work because we cannot afford treats

[Ontodaysepisode]

today my 6 year old came and asked “why can’t 6 year olds go to work?” I said because she’s too young and she needs to spend her childhood having fun and doing nice things before going to work every day. I asked her why she asked.. and she said “because you and daddy can never buy us (her and her brother) the magazine with toys in it anymore because you say you have no money, well if I go to work like you I can help you have money”

I don’t know whether to feel like I’m failing her or raising her right. My heart breaks for her. I was the ‘we don’t have enough money’ kid and I promised myself I wouldn’t put my kids through that (within reason obviously!) but the cost of living has wiped us out and I'm exactly where I don’t want to be right now and I’m holding out for a miracle that it’s not going to get worse.

I hate the fact she can’t have simple things every so often because we just can’t afford to spare the change right now. But I also don’t want her to worry about it.

anyone else sincerely fed up of being poor?😒

Focus more on we have money and we chose to spend it on x. It changes the narrative from we don't have to we need to make the right decisions for our family.

I think that's a sign that you're raising her right that she wants to help. I'm sorry this is such a demoralising situation for so many people in the same position as you, you are not alone.

Sounds like you are doing a brilliant job if she already grasped that adults need to work hard to pay for things, and you never have enough money for all the things you might possibly want.

Congratulations on an awesome job of parenting.

You are raising a sweetheart. First post (as ever!) nails it.
She’s far too young to understand family finances but you could encourage saving of birthday/Christmas money and explain how to save for things , rather than succumb to instant gratification. I know it’s bad right now but it is cyclical and will get better. And yes, I have to tell myself that regularly as it’s hard to believe sometimes.

My son wanted to get a job when he was 8 and asked me what type of jobs 8 year olds could do. Unfortunately, now that he is 18 he is much less keen!
It's nice that she wants to help, you haven't failed her at all.

And you reminded her of all the treats they do get?

Could you start giving her pocket money so that she can start learning about the cost of things? My 6yr gets £10 a month and then has to choose what he wants to buy. This helped him understand the cost of things and stopped buying crap (well most of the time). I sometimes give him the money from the things of his I have sold and this has helped him understand that if he wants something big sometimes you have to make choices.

It sounds like you are doing a good job if your LO understands that there is not just a magic money tree

Can you give her a very small amount of money each week to buy a treat or save up for something. Say £1 per week.

It's not easy op but honestly these little things aren't major in the grand scheme of it. What will matter when she's older is that you raised her well, to look after and appreciate what she has and how much love there was in your home. It sounds like you're raising her well and I don't think it's good for kids to have everything they want or to get treats regularly enough that they start to expect it. I like the idea above of talking about what you chose to save that money for, like getting a day out or for clothes she needs etc.

We’re by no means rich and I have to say no to my kids sometimes
it is hard but ultimately we need money for essentials and I’m very honest with my kids about money and what we “need” V what we “want”
I feel tho the COL is out of control and it’s hard for lots of people.

Emigrate to a really poor country and get her a job in a fast fashion factory or a factory making cheap plastic tat that you get with magazines.

I also wanted to add that I tried to avoid buying those magazines for my children because the things on the front were cheap, plastic things that were never looked at again once they'd opened them. Perhaps you could teach her about the environmental impact of it, rather than about the cost? Although, I do remember that comics and magazines had become very expensive for what they were.

Well I'd say you were bringing her up right. She sounds absolutely lovely to say that. She won't grow up to be spoilt! But I know what you mean. My kids don't like asking me for money (they are all grown up, with jobs even as students). That makes me feel like I went on about it too much when they were little. But I have helped them out financially when they've needed it. But I've offered...they never asked. I really hope they would in a crisis. But I think it is important to teach them the value of money, and that sometimes we can't have everything we want, when we want it!

Mine has to wait until we're going on a long train or car journey for the magazines with toys etc. If she wants one before then, she has to save the money she gets for feeding the dog.
I'll buy her charity shop books, I'll buy craft stuff, but unless it's birthday or Christmas then she waits like I said or she saves.
I'm poor as all hell and it's just how we have to do things.

As everyone else says, you’re doing a great job by spending within your means and not buying every bit of tat that your children ask for.

Try a combination of all the above things:

Pay her for doing her chores - make her bed, load the washing machine, put away the toys etc. Doesn’t have to be a lot, it just teaches the value of money.
She can then save up for things.

We used to sell our children’s old toys on eBay - Lego men etc. They looked forward to seeing if they sold and packing up to take to the post office.

Reframe it. Try not to say we can’t afford, but rather we’re saving for xxxx. Children can’t understand the cost of living and just worry needlessly.

And, remind them what is more important, spending time with family or spending money on tat.

Those magazines are a total rip off I was shocked recently to note how expensive they are now. And discarded in minutes usually by kids . They don’t need things like that to have a good childhood. Agree with pp who suggested telling her how you chose to spend your money wisely instead of just saying we have no money . Also agree about the environmental input .

Those magazines are shit - loads of plastic crap and the kids are bored with them in 10 mins. If your kids have food on the table, clean clothes on their back, and they do some lovely stuff together as a family (can be free or cheap, eg. Library, playground, walks), then you are being a brilliant parent. Kids do not need endless treats.

Those magazines are crazy expensive!!

Your daughter sounds like a kind and caring child and you are obviously a dedicated thoughtful parent. No amount of money can replace that.

What a thoughtful child you have raised @Ontodaysepisode
Is it possible your local library has a childrens section with magazines?
Mine has, much used in my dd younger years.

Could you take her to the bank and open a kids account? Even if you sit in the bank on a sofa and apply via your phone. You could either do pocket money £1, or ask Grandparents for cash for Easter, Birthday and Christmas - I bet she'll love watching her bank grow in value.

When she has enough cash she can buy herself her own magazine at the checkout and use her own card!

Alternatively maybe she can choose some bits to add to Vinted. £2 here and there. And when the money comes through it can go straight into her account. Make it into a jolly game though!

I grew up in poverty so I'm a bit "funny" about money and things (mainly food in the fridge and heating!). I overheard parents argue over money, and went cold and hungry.

She'll be just fine OP 💐 she sounds bright as a button. She sounds like she's got a good head for business and money!

If you want to avoid that altogether then pop into a charity shop and get a book of their choice. Explain that those magazines are really bad for the planet 💐

Give her a small amount of pocket money and she can spend her money on them every now and then if she wants.

We very rarely got them, they are so expensive for so little. My children always chose to buy things like sweets, football stickers, loom bands, pocket money toys which were much better value for money.

I didn't tend to say we couldn't afford it, I'd say it's not value enough for the money. There's no harm in her understanding that even if you have the money, you still get to decide whether it's worth it.

Time to explain materialism

My DS was the same age when he asked me why I go to work, I explained I go for the money to pay for the house and the food we eat etc. He announced he thought I was silly as I should do what grandma and grandad do when they want money. They were retired so I asked… apparently they just go to the bank for theirs.

Seriously, your children will be fine, once you explain to them what you do pay for, the home, the food, the clothes etc.

I'm a meanie, I didn't ever buy those magazines as they're a rip off. My children did get pocket money though. Then they could of bought one if they'd been really bothered. Help maths skills too.