Six-year-old wants to work because we cannot afford treats

[Ontodaysepisode]

today my 6 year old came and asked “why can’t 6 year olds go to work?” I said because she’s too young and she needs to spend her childhood having fun and doing nice things before going to work every day. I asked her why she asked.. and she said “because you and daddy can never buy us (her and her brother) the magazine with toys in it anymore because you say you have no money, well if I go to work like you I can help you have money”

I don’t know whether to feel like I’m failing her or raising her right. My heart breaks for her. I was the ‘we don’t have enough money’ kid and I promised myself I wouldn’t put my kids through that (within reason obviously!) but the cost of living has wiped us out and I'm exactly where I don’t want to be right now and I’m holding out for a miracle that it’s not going to get worse.

I hate the fact she can’t have simple things every so often because we just can’t afford to spare the change right now. But I also don’t want her to worry about it.

anyone else sincerely fed up of being poor?😒

You need to change your messaging. We are very middle class with a big house and not particularly affected by CoL. I say no to magazines, except for special occasions (going on holiday). It’s because we know the value of money and we don’t blow it on whatever we want whenever we want it. £8 for a magazine and some plastic tat that holds attention for an hour is not something I’m spending money on. You can say no without making a fuss about having no money.

That said, why not give her a chance to earn some money? My 8 year old helps me to collect chicken eggs every day. We sell them. Once a week, he gets £2 from the chicken money jar. He can spend that on what he wants. Currently saving up for a millennium falcon key ring.

I can afford those magazine but I actively chose not to buy them as they are absolute tat.
Occasionally I will give my ds £1 and take him to the pound shop. He actually really enjoys browsing and then picking something within his budget.
I’ve also signed him up to the free Lego insiders magazine which comes in the post (no toy included but he still enjoys it)

There is a Yorkshire phrase 'I can't foil that' it sort of means I can afford it but I am not paying that for it.

I agree with giving her pocket money,even if it is only 10p a week.

Please be careful with "We can't afford it", as a small child I confidently told someone we were poor. My mother was horrified, but as I said to her, "you are always saying we can't afford things".

I used to do garage sales and small odd jobs for neighbours when I was a kid to buy treats for myself. I don't think it's a bad thing for kids to learn how to make money

However, I'd be careful about how you talk about money in front of your kids. I don't think it's good for kids to believe that they are poor.

Getting her to help you put some old clothes on vinted and using the revenue for magazines can be a nice activity that teaches her the value of money whilst doing an activity together. I used to love doing car boot sales with my dad at the weekend

It breaks your heart to have to say no to your kids but those magazines are so expensive! I used to have a funny turn getting to the til and paying £7.99 for something I knew they wouldn't even really like that much. Is there a party bag filler area where the birthday cards are? You can probably get them a little toy for a nextcto nothing! Or get some flour and food colouring and make play doh, or corn starch to mix up and play with that...fun crafts. You can say no more often than not without feeling guilty if you get them the odd thing. You don't want your kids to be spoilt but its nice to make them happy! 6 is so little, do they really need to be taught about money and budgeting at that age?

Do you give your kids pocket money? Our kids (9&7) only get £1 a week each and then they can earn another 50p whenever they get to 5 stars on their chart (we give stars for any good/ brave thing they do).
That way if they really want to spend it on useless tat I dont think is worth it they can. Its one of the best parenting decisions we made imo and reduced how much we (my husband!) spend on random stuff for them because its capped.

Yes me too.
I earn the Minimum Wage (one full time and one casual role to help pay for things - was treats now it is just bills). and thing is, as much as payrise are good this is the base rate for everything so everything just also increases and generally more % than my pay rise. So everytime the Gov say MW is increasing it is mixed feelings. And I have two jobs!
All our clothes, shoes and even bedding now are off Vinted, EBay and charity shops. We are lucky to have a (modest) house and 10 yr old car, but it’s hard.

ps I have a well paid job but i don’t buy my kids those magazines unless we are going to a hospital appointment or on a very long journey because they are really poor value for money. If they choose to save up their pocket money for it they can but when its their money they usually find they’d rather buy other things instead.

They're bloody expensive.... We're not poor by any means but they're usually a no in this house. I have the rule they can have them in school holidays or when they're off school I'll... My daughter was off sick this week and I got her one but was shocked at the £8.99 price tag! What the hell?!! It's not about being poor or not being able to afford them .... It's about the utter waste of money!!

I did find you can get some kids ones on the app "readly".. so a few times I've printed her a magazine myself.

She's learning the value of money not being deprived of anything by the sounds of it. It sounds like you're doing a great job already. Explain that the point isn't exactly not being able to afford things but that when you're responsible for money you have to realise that it can't be spent on everything and you have to make choices. Can you afford to give her a bit of money every month like 5/£10 maybe for doing some chores at home and let her decide what to spend it on? It might help her realise even more that when you've worked hard for money it's important to consider carefully what to spend it on.

I blame the shops. Our local Coop keeps those tat-magazines on the bottom shelf right by the queue for the till. There are also crisps and sweets. Every other time I go in there, there is some beleaguered mum or dad having to wrestle stuff away from a toddler.

Could you give her pocket money? We give £1 per week per child, so it doesn’t break the bank. It has really helped my kids to learn the concept of budgeting, saving up etc. They would also rather visit the charity shop than the toy shop, as they quickly realised they can get more for their money!
Kids magazines are a rip off and a special treat in our house when going on holiday (at the airport or a service station!!!)

If I had said that it would have been deleted. No sense of humour on mumsnet.

OP could explain that children used to work cleaning chimneys, down mines, and in factories. It was cruel and therefore it doesn't happen anymore.
Maybe take her shopping and ask her to choose between sweets, something else she likes or the magazine. This will teach the value of money. However, I would be inclined to try and buy the magazine occasionally, it encourages reading, which is important. Or join the local library.

It shows what a kind, empathetic soul you’re raising, but no parent wants their child to feel the weight of financial stress. The cost of living is brutal right now, and you aren't failing—you’re doing your best in a system that's making things nearly impossible for families.

It sound like you are doing a great job raising her. She’s a wise little thing and has a huge amount of empathy. She’s understands adults work and treats are ‘nice to have’.

That said I was the ‘we can’t afford it’ kid. Sometimes I didn’t notice it because we spent a lot of time doing free outdoors things. Could you change the narrative a bit to be that you don’t buy these things as a choice so you can afford to have a day out / holiday / bigger gifts for birthdays and Christmas? Or that the small plastic toys are not good for the environment etc?

I never say "we can't afford that"- aside from everything else, it's not true. £6 on a magazine won't bankrupt us. It's just an atrocious waste of money on plastic tat. I just tell DD that that is far too overpriced and not a good use of our money. Then, on the rare occasion we do buy her one (e.g. a rainy day on holiday) it feels like a huge treat.

Totally agree, scarcity mindset is dangerous. Save every penny you can. Rich people are not wasting money on tat like magazines with toys. I know not doing that won’t make anyone rich, but checking every penny you spend and not buying things you don’t really need really makes a difference. Also, do not take your kids shopping! I stopped taking mine when they started trying to browbeat me into buying things I really didn’t want to waste money on. They were quite happy never going shopping!

My DD once asked me if we were poor . Some kid in school told her that we must be as she didn't have a phone . This was in primary school . I told her that actually I could afford to buy any type of phone but I chose not to as she did not need one just yet . And that it was very unkind of that person to say something to make a person feel bad . Said we were a lucky family as we could afford to have food and a home that some people in the world didn't have the chance to get . This spiralled into a discussion on social obligations and the next shopping trip she made a point of shopping for a food bank .

Many years ago but she says she still remembers that time.

I’m all for kids being taught about money etc early but I would try to cut down on the ‘we have no money’ chat because it can make children quite anxious. I don’t think children that age should know their parents have money problems. It’s not for them to deal with. Focus more on what your money has to be used for and that if you spend money on X, that’s money you don’t have to spend on Y.

It’s fine to say magazines are too expensive and you need to use the money elsewhere, it’s a discussion plenty of parents have to have!

Those magazines are a waste of money anyway IMO same as grab machines. I resent spending money on them. My 4yr old can’t even read! All she wants is the s*itty toy! I’d rather go to the £ shop and buy a toy lol

your right though, a 2 parent both working full time household, you should be able to spare a tenner a month at least for your child to spend. It’s a sad state of affairs.

You are raising her right. What a sweetheart! Just remind her that people don't need things in order to be happy. If she knows how to find happiness without spending money, she will always be rich.

😂😂😂 this is extreme but I love it lol imagine!!

I refuse to pay money for those magazines. £8 is ridiculous

We’re on a tight budget and I will sometimes say to my son we don’t have enough money or will explain to him we are saving for a bigger treat and if we get loads of treats now we won’t have the money for the big treat.
It’s also a good opportunity for maths too. Explaining that rather than pay £4 for an icecream at the dessert shop we can go supermarket and get 6 choc chip cones etc

Oh for the days when comics didn’t come with a load of plastic tat attached…

As for the main question, TBH I was aware from a very young age that money was tight - we just didn’t bother asking for things, since we knew the answer would be no. There was a slight relaxation when on holiday (UK seaside) for e.g. ice creams, lollies.

I’m a bit of a hypocrite here, since I do like treating the Gdcs, and can afford to, but having also been exceedingly skint, in general I don’t think it does children any harm to understand that money doesn’t grow on trees, and that (in most cases) their parents have to work hard to earn it for them.

I was like your kid. It is very hard to understand at that age why others have treats and you don't get anything.