Six-year-old wants to work because we cannot afford treats

[Ontodaysepisode]

today my 6 year old came and asked “why can’t 6 year olds go to work?” I said because she’s too young and she needs to spend her childhood having fun and doing nice things before going to work every day. I asked her why she asked.. and she said “because you and daddy can never buy us (her and her brother) the magazine with toys in it anymore because you say you have no money, well if I go to work like you I can help you have money”

I don’t know whether to feel like I’m failing her or raising her right. My heart breaks for her. I was the ‘we don’t have enough money’ kid and I promised myself I wouldn’t put my kids through that (within reason obviously!) but the cost of living has wiped us out and I'm exactly where I don’t want to be right now and I’m holding out for a miracle that it’s not going to get worse.

I hate the fact she can’t have simple things every so often because we just can’t afford to spare the change right now. But I also don’t want her to worry about it.

anyone else sincerely fed up of being poor?😒

I'd try and explain that the toys you get from that magazine aren't good value. It's better to get a book from the library and save up to buy a much more fun toy. That will last longer and look nicer.

So it's not about not having money. It's about knowing how to spend it wisely.

Even if I was loaded I wouldn't buy those kids mags with a crappy toy!

Obviously you don't need to say that bit out loud. 😂

Agree with others that the messaging needs to change here. Not "we can't afford it", but "we're choosing not to spend our money on that" or "£X is a lot of money, and we're going to spend it on this thing instead".
When you do buy treats, or book activities, then you can point out that, you've saved up Y number of weeks for that thing, and that you're having a trip swimming for the whole family instead of having two magazines in the shopping, what did they enjoy more etc?

If you're really skint and it's no treats for a while, point out other things you're spending equivalent money on, to help them understand how much it's worth (eg favourite dinner could cost the same as the magazine, one magazine might be three packets of ice lollies, etc), and maybe get them more involved in the weekly shop to distract from magazines and cheap toys. If possible, can you let them choose one thing each for the weekly shop with a set budget (or pick a dinner etc, and then you can get them to add up ingredients etc too.)
As others have said, if you are able, pocket money they can save up and make their own decisions on spending can also be fab for this - kids are often far more reluctant to spend their own money, and think about value for money far more than from family money.

I would say ‘that’s not in our spending plans’ ie you do have money you’re just not prioritizing that. And I would also give her a small pocket money /money for extra chores so that she can slowly save up for junk like that

I was raised in a post communist country where even if you had money, there was nothing to buy. Anyways. The 90s came and we had a lot of money and there were loads of things my mother could afford. My mother never bought me stuff because she felt I didnt need that (because people had nothing really).
Now, we have enough money to buy things but I normally say:

1. This is not the type of stuff we buy in our house
2. We have no space in the house and if you want a new toy, you need to give me some toys to sell on Vinted.
3. It is not good for the environment.

My child also wants all these crappy magazines and i say they are allowed to have only 1 magazine a month (because honestly, how many do you need!) .
My real struggle is when he wants salmon. I first tasted salmon when I was 14.

I and probably millions of parents will say, even if they do, that they don't have enough money for things, such as those magazines with the toys. They are overpriced crap that gets played with for 5 minutes and then discarded.
Likewise sweets and other mini plastic crap toys, I say I dont have the money most of the time, I explain they are wasteful products, they use them for a week then get bored or broke or lost, that its much better for our finances and the environment that we don't buy them.
Whatever I do buy my kids, they still want more anyway.
I would focus on the sustainability aspect, also explain about finances, like if we buy this magazine every week then over a year thats 150 pounds, which we could spend on something much better like a day out or food for our entire family for 2 weeks.
I do this when my kids want a takaway, especially pizza, they want a pizza for ten pounds delivered .. ok lets go to the shop and see what we can buy with ten pounds shall we.. a shop bought pizza, some apples, bread, milk, packet of penguins, etc.. all for the same price as one takaway pizza.
I think explaining it does really help,they do get it when ita visual. My two are quite budget concious now which is good.
Buying the magazines wouldnt break the bank for us, but I still refuse to, giving them the gift of better money habits and sustainable choices is far better than the gift of some plastic crap that will go in the bin next week.

Aww, you're a great mum! And it shows so much intelligence, looking to solve a problem. Unless at her age she's mastered the art of manipulation! Grins.

Pocket money is a great idea, it really is, esp if earn it by doing little chores (her job she wants). Doesn't have to be much but she can save up to buy her magazine.

I know money is tight (am tired too of the UK at the moment, it's madness), but hopefully can find £1 for washing up one night, perhaps two nights a week and she could earn £2 a week or perhaps do a little job for grandparents if around? Little 'bob a job'.

I think you just need a slight refocus.
It’s tough for kids when the answer is sometimes yes and sometimes no and this makes it hard for them to figure out the rules. You are connecting the magazine to various examples of good behaviour some time ago but that’s difficult for them to do as ofthen they don’t feel ’bad’ when they are behaving less well, they were just playing, distracted or tired.
My children don’t get anything except books and stationery from us outside birthdays and Christmas, not for financial reasons, but because I don’t want to be pestered while doing normal every day tasks. Sometimes I get them small things and ask my mother in law to give them to them when she comes so that they aren’t from me (she understands my reasoning, else I wouldn’t ask her to get involved).
Treats from me are always spending time, going somewhere fun (but free), doing baking or crafts together. If I want to reward good behaviour it has to be immediate, e.g. I ask them to put the washing on, and because they have done that, immediately after I have time to take them to the park.
They can spend half of their birthday money on whatever they want and they can sell their toys secondhand to buy new secondhand toys even if I paid for them originally.

Could the kids do a little jumble sale/yard sale OP to give them some spends money? Or could you pop an old toy or two on vinted for them and they get the funds from the sale?

I agree that giving them even a very small amount a week does help them over time to see the value or non value of things. When it's their own money they've saved up they become much more cautious of spending it!

It sounds like you are doing a fab job btw.

Better that you cannot buy these magazines. Many of us spent 100 on that crap for just the plastic toys.

She’s adorable. Just a thought. Maybe don’t give the reason as ‘no money’ for those types of things. Do you think it might start her feeling anxious about not having enough? Maybe give a reason as those magazines are rubbish with cheap plastic stuff that just breaks anyway…. I don’t know but it would be sad if she started worrying about money x

It doesn’t have to be because ‘you don’t have enough money” it could be ‘ we simply don’t waste money on crap like that’ is it something she needs? No. Whether or not you can afford it is irrelevant. I won’t buy my daughter those magazines because mostly plastic crap and waste of money and extremely expensive for what they are. I’ve told my 6 year old we don’t buy them because if that. She’s welcome to bring her own money if she wants one and save up. Just teach her the value of things. I can tell you now, people with money don’t waste money on stuff like that for their kids! Maybe reframe her thinking and expectations, and no she doesn’t have to go to work yet to buy rubbish.

It's always been the case, though, that some children can't have the things that other children can have. Being honest with choldren from a very early age that there's isn't enough money to give them every, single thing they might want is a good thing. As a pp has suggested, the OP ought to talk to her about the things she does get.

I had similar issues when the kids were little so I showed the price of the magazine (£5.99 ffs!) and then else we could do with that money. I think it was buy three boxes of icecreams. Which would they think was the best thing to buy? Yep they chose the ice creams!

I also taught them that by pooling the couple of quid each my dad gave them they could buy multipacks of chocolate or lollies or whatever and get three times as much than just buying one bar each. They only ever went to the shop mob handed after that and they still do it now when they are all home!

I found that teaching them to shop smart was the best way to teach how far money goes (or doesnt!).

Hope you explained man and grandad were able to do that as had most likely worked hard all their life and saved it!
It wasn’t for free lol x

The only thing I would suggest it that you change the words youre using with your child ie instead of we can't afford to buy you that say it's £10 now and the toys inside break very easily they will have to be thrown out after 1 day it's a waste of money. Or whatever else but children never need to know the struggles us adults go through. I've been in your position now, and now I have lots but I still wouldn't waste money on those ridiculously overpriced magazines.

I disagree that the economy will improve. How with global debt and AI?

Perhaps instead of buying her things it's time to give her pocket money, so its not that we don't have the money, its you can save up and get it if it's worth it.

Bless her little heart, that is so sweet.

Does she have grandparents who could give her little jobs for some extra pocket money? I don't suggest you ask them to do that but if you tell her what she said, they will probably think of it.

Can you change tack... I don't let them have the magazines because they are bad for the environment, they always have tat in them that gets broken quickly etc and they all end up in the bin! I only occasionally use "we can't afford it" and instead do things like "I don't think that's good value because..." or "I think that would be wasteful...."
So many things that kids ask for aren't actually good value or a good idea whether you can afford it or not, and I think it is a good idea to get them to think about those things rather than just "do I physically have enough money for it"

@Ontodaysepisode Yes, I agree with this. I last bought those sort of magazines about 3-4 years ago (my youngest dc grew out of them) and they are horrendously expensive. We only ever used to get them for dc as a reward / special treat for whenever they had a medical / dental / eyesight appointment, definitely not every week. I am very cynical about them - there is usually not much content at all, and they are completely designed to trigger pester power at the tills. I think your dc sounds lovely.

I feel your pain as a Mum but I want to say you’re doing the right thing - prioritising your family finances and not giving in to paying for tacky magazines with rubbish that would end up in landfill sites.

Talk to your little one about the importance of books and visit the local library together. Magazines are aimed at kids to get them to consume more whereas books hold magical stories and take her mind on a journey.

Tbh when your child asks for stuff like focus more on why it's poor value for money than 'not affording it'

Because I bet you probably could afford once in a while to buy one of those magazines you just don't choose to spend the money on that because it's far better spent elsewhere, that's what you need to explain to your child.

We are a high income family and I have honestly never bought those tat magazines for my kids, I was always clear with them they are a waste of money as you can buy something like a book for a similar price which will have loads more to read in it that those rubbish kids magazines. we just don't even walk down that aisle of the supermarket!

This never happened.

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/why-never-tell-kids-t-090000183.html this may give some insight

Are paper rounds still a thing?