When were your children most expensive?

[RoamingToaster]

I’ve noticed some people saying children are more expensive as they get older. Is that true for you? I’ve paid for nursery which is a lot so I’m hoping it’s not for me 😂. I’m curious what everyone’s experience has been.

For us, nursery was the most brutal financially. My teens have been relatively cheap. I take them clothes shopping a couple of times a year. One does gymnastics at £50pm. We're in Gtr Man where annual £10 bus pass for students so they can travel all over for free which is fantastic. Their braces are done on the NHS due to overcrowding.

Small kids don’t know what they want. I almost never take them to a shop, apart from the local mini supermarket, so their extravagant requests are limited to a favourite type of chocolate biscuit, or more recently, a spidey magazine.

As they are getting older I can already see the all-pervading consumerism starting - unless you are very careful they are bombarded with adverts. Another reason to stick with CBeebies when they have tv.

Even the full maintenance loan only just covers housing. Most won’t get the full amount. I’m a single parent and still have to contribute around £2k towards the loan. I also pay for driving lessons at £280 a month.

Because those of us who can afford it prefer not saddle our kids with debt for the entire of their working lives.

I don't subscribe to the position that once they turn 18, I wash my hands of them and boot them out the door.

Loans don't cover everything - DD had a loan of £6700 which didn't cover her rent (shared room), plus she was a 6-7 train journey from home - not cheap

From my perspective as a parent to small ones, nursery is definitely an overwhelming cost. Some things get cheaper, some more expensive, but the thousands each month in nursery fees are not comparable to anything except if you plan to full fund your kids through university.

On the clothes side, everyone wears a lot of secondhand here, so that’s less of a concern at the moment. I will have to be a bit more flexible I think for them when they are teenagers, not sure how to manage that best!

Teens for us as no nursery fees. Our eldest is turning 17, so learning to drive is expensive, plus this year we have a lot of gallivanting around looking at universities - most are an overnight trip away and associated costs. Clothes, dentist, phones, school outings, school dinners, special diet for one, train tickets, taxiing to various villages. Thankfully she does have a job now (only just) so is expected to fund her social life and shopping.

We're obviously not at the uni years yet, but even with loans I think parental contributions are expected - frankly if I could afford to pay for it I honestly would, but I can't.

I had mine four years apart, and was really frugal (bundles of clothes second hand or hand me down, second hand cot/ pushchair etc), and got through nursery years for both fine. The kids were happy with a few car boot finds to open on Christmas day (knew no different). I'm finding teenage years (15 and 11 years old) expensive though, and whereas I managed to save in nursery years haven't lately. It doesn't help that everything else has gone up faster than salary. Their hobbies add up, both are in state school but have a tutor, they care about their clothes now and won't just have cousin hand me downs, adult clothes, going out with friends, tech, we've now got a dog after lots of begging, no cheap holidays outside school holidays... The list goes on.

I’m not overly worried about the 17-22 stage as we have been saving for it. We have money set aside for driving lessons, car, insurance, and some lessons (DH will do most of it). And uni we have some aside also and we just keep that topped up monthly so by the time they go we’ll only be spending about £400 a month keeping the fund topped up. IF they go. It’s not certain yet. Not everyone goes.

Whereas nursery we were less mature financially and it was very much more of an effort keeping our heads above water. It felt less predictable, we had some very large increases in childcare at that time, plus maternity leave. And there was no flexibility or compromise, it HAD to be paid, we had to work. No family support. The pressure was intense.

It's not one off x boxes though. Or even trainers. It's university, driving lessons, huge amounts of food, insurance, full fare train tickets.

I cant actually put a price on the toddler years as we couldnt afford nursery. It was more than my wage as a junior teacher.

Both my eldest 2 paif for their own driving lessons, insurance and cars. Im a parent not a bank. In our house you are expected to work nothing in life is free. Giving kids everything they want is why there are parents on this thread paying their adult children's mortgages and paying for their grandchildren.

Part time student jobs are becoming increasingly difficult to get.

Totally depends. I paid 1k a month in nursery fees. Currently pay between 600 and 1000 on sporting activities (kit, fees, hotels etc). If he wasn't competing I would say between 1 and 5.

I think that’s unfair. We became young adults in a strong economy. This generation are not.

Nursery was more expensive for us.

But its not only high earning households impacted by loan top ups. Two parents earning 32k each puts a young person into the minimum loan amount. Thats a fairly normal salary. Its less than average.

Have you seen the thresholds? It is not only high earning parents who have to significantly top up loans/ bursaries.
A 'household' income of only £62k ish= minimum loan amount. Two parents working full time earning 62k between them are low income in my honest opinion. Yet their teen will only get the minimum loan amount . The threshold is very low.

For us it was nursery years, without a doubt. Our fees were equivalent to our mortgage payments.

Once DC was in school we invested 50% of the amount we were paying on nursery fees into a junior ISA and this will hopefully fund DC through university.

People saying parents shouldn't pay for uni have no idea of the reality. If parents earn anything above minimum wage the YP can't get a full loan. Even a full loan barely covers accommodation in most cases. Student jobs are nearly impossible to find. So yes, if you want your child to be able to go to uni it costs you a lot. The only other option is to force them to work in a minimum wage job for several years and save up every penny so they can afford to go to uni.

We never paid for full time nursery, just preschool and lucky enough to have flexible work and family help. So uni is definitely the most expensive.

The key difference is if you can’t afford to support them to go to uni, you just don’t. I know that seems unfathomable to some, but that really is still the reality for many people. Whether that means the adult doesn’t go, or they live at home, or they juggle the expense another way, it is not life or death. Plenty of parents further down the socioeconomic scale than MN will not be financially supporting DC in uni, even if they are “supposed to” because of the thresholds.

Childcare is not negotiable. You can’t not look after the child. You either have to pay childcare, or you take the financial hit to do it yourself.

You don’t go to gaol for not paying for your uni adult’s rent, you will if you leave your 2 year old at home on their own!

Yes that’s true I guess. In our demographic refusing to pay for university when you could
would be judged very very hard.

No paying for something as you think at 18 they should be fully independent is different to not being able to afford to support them.

It still gets very subjective though. Affordability is not black and white and not everyone values higher education the same. I’m not saying I agree with that. But I do think some posters live in a bubble and can’t comprehend how other people think. Maybe it’s because I am middle class in a low socioeconomic area, but I do find a lot of the comments here quite out of touch to how many people live. Many of the parents I know (who are good people!) would be laughing at some of the costs discussed here.

Th system is based on the premise that parents at the very least will make up the difference between what theDC gets and the maximum loan
Not to do so is very poor IMO

Not all teenagers going to uni are afforded full loans. It is based on their parents income