What are you up to today if you have a chronic illness Thread 8.. plodding on gently...

[MewithME]

Linky to last thread 🧵 https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5506529-what-are-you-up-to-today-if-you-have-a-chronic-illness-thread-7

Let's be good and use those last posts up first. Nice to be tidy here if not in my house! 😉

You lot with your fruit vans. All I get is the Sainsbury's carrot one!! I think dh would panic if I did an ocado shop ever since I mistakenly told him they deliver m&s and waitrose (he's from forrin)

@bedfrog 😂😂

@bedfrog they used to sell Waitrose stuff but just M&S now. I think they stopped selling Waitrose stuff in 2022

@TodayIsatrickyone plum and raspberry is better than cherry lol

I haven’t even thought about Christmas yet but it is very expensive now or it can be so it is sensible to spread the cost. Mind you, it is only 6 months away

@Tiredandwired2 it sounds like your counselling has made it easier for you to process things for the divorce. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to make that next step both three years ago and for finally deciding that now is the right time.

@Tiredandwired2 im usually one to plan ahead for Christmas too and normally start writing things down now at about this time of year. I just can't get my brain in gear this year though.

@MewithME hope today has been a little better for you. You always seem to have so much on and never any respite from it all.

Slow and easy day here today. Had my massage, which was much needed, and she's put me back together again. Then had an afternoon nap, followed by an hour's online training for work 🥱

Omelette for tea and a lazy evening in front of the telly. Last episode of Springwatch, although it feels more like Winterwatch today! 🥶

Take it easy everyone 💕

@Oioiqueen Thank you. It's been layers of grief. The hardest thing has been seeing the true him. There was a version of him I thought he was and then the true him that surfaced especially when I became ill. Made even harder by trying to come to terms with my illness. It will be a relief to cut ties legally and sort the family home so hopefully I can stay here with the kids. Although I still have to co parent with him. Co parenting is definitely not the right word though.

Hope you can get into the Christmas planning soon. I'm struggling with it a bit to be honest but even 1-2 ideas a week will help me when it comes around. Im just writing the ideas though and not buying because I need the security of the return window for most things so purchasing will wait until end Oct/early November. It's the mental load I need relief from.

Also with you all with the rubbish pension. Currently trying to get back into work but I can't see it happening very soon with long covid and 2 kids with complex needs. It is what it is though.

@Tiredandwired2 I’m also trying to plan for Christmas to spread the cost, I have a lot of people to buy for

@Tiredandwired2 he sounds truly wonderful as a partner and human being.... I hope things go fairly and you are able to get a decent settlement.

Another one here with a rubbish pension. Didn't have one until you had to opt out rather than in. Then a decade of having kids and moving to part time it's a bit rubbish. However it's not like I'll live long enough to ever claim it anyway. For the timebeing I'm continuing to pay into whilst working. Probably won't be able to claim it until I have less than 12 months to live. I need to speak with DH's financial advisor though as it might be worth putting it into a SIPP for the kids instead of my husband putting it into his as we are talking less than 20k really.

That sounds tough @Tiredandwired2 especially with illness and kids needs thrown into the mix. We certainly see someone’s true colours when ill health hits 😕

If people want ideas, the posters on the Christmas board are more than happy to help 🙂

@JewelleryCat I may have to jump on the Christmas board for some inspiration

@Oioiqueen Thats hard to think about and big emotional decisions to make. I really admire your strength. Hope that doesn't sound patronising.

@TodayIsatrickyone Oh yes. You really see the true colours of many people. I mentioned in counselling how I felt the scales had fallen off my eyes. You can't unsee it. On the plus side it reveals the amazing people too.

You know...I think I'm starting to read our thread in the same way I listen to my audiobooks and then fall asleep and have to back track and then listen to the same bit 6 times but then still miss the bit I need because it doesn't make sense later 🙈

I have finally filled in some blanks. Door ...? What door? Got it now. Funny 😊

@Tiredandwired2 I had the most epic and dreadful divorce and was truly married to a man who didn't really exist. Or at least there is a monster inside him which I didn't meet until much later. I grieved for a long time. When we actually split up, even when he had been so abusive, I was devastated. I grieved for the lost time, for the fact I wasn't loved or was in fact despised, and I'm now coming to terms with never having someone because how could it be possible with MEcfs? My therapist told me it was worse than grieving a partner who'd died because I was grieving someone who didn't exist and i was grieving my own memories too... because it wasn't real.

I have to try and be grateful for my son and the positive that came out of it but the abuse and trauma has no doubt contributed to my illness, along with single parenthood to a child with SEN. It's flipping hard. Be kind to yourself and it's an amazing step forward. The shame of it all is exh divorced me citing MY unreasonable behaviour. It was so cruel. He just wanted to hurt me and did. It made me sick to read what he put and sign it.

Morning all. Slept ok but was dozing with a podcast to try and go back to sleep so had slightly wild dreams about travel in exotic places.

I am talking to my counsellor today and then hoping my shopping arrives. Sometimes it's iffy if you book Waitrose on a Fri and they don't have energy drivers 🙈

I'm not going to do too much work. I need to be careful as I have to cover a work thing on Sunday.

That must have been soul destroying. He does sound like a narcissist, and they are good at the charming facade. Better off without him. Blaming you for everything is purely his take on things because it will be Me Me Me from him. He is just fatally flawed.

Morning all! I have just surfaced after feeling a bit battered the last few days. I know I am on the up because suddenly I am feeling stir crazy. I just want my old life back. So many things I want to do, any one of them would use up more spoons than I have available. I am sure everyone on this thread understands.

Wishing everyone a lovely day!

A busy day today, taking my friends DC out for the evening imagine I’ll be done in later

I don’t really know what to say @MewithME but I’m very sorry for all you’ve been through

Morning all. No divorce stories here though a couple of really nasty break-ups including one who was very definitely a narcissist. And yes, it was all turned round to me being a terrible person because I "didn't love him enough" to do what he wanted (which included him wanting me to lose an unhealthy amount of weight - I actually laugh as he'd be appalled at the size of me now) and me being the one to leave him.

Whilst I sometimes feel lonely, I am also quite thankful that I'm not going through this current illness stuff with someone like that around. I do suspect it all contributed too.

I've got someone in just now servicing my boiler and checking all the other gas appliances - was a bit stressy about having someone in the house but he seems friendly enough. Another house viewing this afternoon but should hopefully have time for a nap or at least a decent lie-down in-between.

Good luck on the viewing!

So funny about your Ex. These ridiculous men have no self awareness.

I am really thin these days but when I was young I would moan if my jeans
got too tight . DH would always quote what he claims is a Native American saying: "A fat woman is like an extra blanket in winter" 😄

Oh god yes @TeaAndStrumpets He is a narcissist without a doubt. He's had two women since accuse him of the same 🙈

It's all long time ago but it does have lasting effects and not just physically.

@ValleyClouds thanks. I'm ok. I'm a resilient and wise old thing these days mostly. It would be nice to have more people to lean on but mostly I manage. Hope your day goes well. Entertaining other people's kids .. shudder 😂

@martha79 yes, I'm thankful for the calm in my house mostly. I did laugh reading your post ... Relationship stuff then wondered for a moment if 'someone in servicing your boiler ' was a euphemism. Been watching too much Rivals 😂🙈

@MewithME I do enjoy a good... euphemism 🤣 Just boring house maintenance though!

Been to the allotment this morning, which was good for my soul if not for my body. Rain held off and the sun actually appeared a couple of times ☀️🌱

I am home and in bed now. And I will listen to my body and stay here for the rest of the afternoon 🥱

Attached is a photo of some peas, which I cannot get to grow in my garden so I am v pleased with these 😊

@MewithME He sounds awful! Yes I completely get the whole life feeling like a lie and the grief around that. My ex was emotionally manipulative. My mum even for years after we split kept saying 'but I like him, he is a lovely man'. That triggered me no end. Although, she isn't good at choosing men herself. He was good at putting charm on. Still is. I had another ex who was outright abusive emotionally first and then switched to physical and I often say I would have preferred that to the mind games my exH played. 14 years and you never really know someone

Im quite happy being on my own for now. Did try online dating last year for a whole week 🤣 and decided it wasn't for me right now but maybe in the future

@TeaAndStrumpets Im glad your feeling a bit better. I have been feeling a bit bored lately which I keep reminding myself is a privilege because it means I have a bit more energy

@ValleyClouds where are you taking your friends DC?

Had a slow morning this morning after struggling to sleep last night. Made my no knead pizza for this evening. Will just see what the rest of the day brings.

@Swanhilde your posts always raise my spirits. Love the peas 🫛 when I've got a bit more energy I will take some pics of my plants. They're getting a bit battered by wind today but the rain has brought them on.

I have quit work for today. Now on the sofa with a cheese scone and the TV remote. I will spend a good chunk of time in bed and hopefully rally a bit.

@Tiredandwired2 when you say no knead pizza 🍕.... You don't mean one that comes ready made in a box do you? I've got one of those for later but thinking you have some magic there for a healthier option?

It's homemade. I make my own gluten free but the kids eat regular gluten so I make them a normal gluten pizza.

Recipe is
1/2 tsp yeast
1 tsp sugar
300ml warm water (I use a thermometer to get it around 43 degrees)
1 tbsp olive oil

500g bread flour
1 tsp salt

Put the yeast and sugar in the water water and put a tea towel over it for 10 mins. Then add olive oil to this mixture. I often forget the olive oil though and im told its fine.

then add to the flour and salt. Mix into a dough and leave on the side. I usually leave it around 10 hours.

then just shape, add sauce and topping and bake! Easiest thing ever. Smells amazing but obviously I havent tried it myself. Kids love it though.

Oh wow. That takes some forward planning! Sounds good though, thanks 🙏🏻