What are you up to today if you have a chronic illness Thread 8.. plodding on gently...

[MewithME]

Linky to last thread 🧵 https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5506529-what-are-you-up-to-today-if-you-have-a-chronic-illness-thread-7

Let's be good and use those last posts up first. Nice to be tidy here if not in my house! 😉

You lot with your fruit vans. All I get is the Sainsbury's carrot one!! I think dh would panic if I did an ocado shop ever since I mistakenly told him they deliver m&s and waitrose (he's from forrin)

@bedfrog 😂😂

@bedfrog they used to sell Waitrose stuff but just M&S now. I think they stopped selling Waitrose stuff in 2022

@TodayIsatrickyone plum and raspberry is better than cherry lol

I haven’t even thought about Christmas yet but it is very expensive now or it can be so it is sensible to spread the cost. Mind you, it is only 6 months away

@Tiredandwired2 it sounds like your counselling has made it easier for you to process things for the divorce. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to make that next step both three years ago and for finally deciding that now is the right time.

@Tiredandwired2 im usually one to plan ahead for Christmas too and normally start writing things down now at about this time of year. I just can't get my brain in gear this year though.

@MewithME hope today has been a little better for you. You always seem to have so much on and never any respite from it all.

Slow and easy day here today. Had my massage, which was much needed, and she's put me back together again. Then had an afternoon nap, followed by an hour's online training for work 🥱

Omelette for tea and a lazy evening in front of the telly. Last episode of Springwatch, although it feels more like Winterwatch today! 🥶

Take it easy everyone 💕

@Oioiqueen Thank you. It's been layers of grief. The hardest thing has been seeing the true him. There was a version of him I thought he was and then the true him that surfaced especially when I became ill. Made even harder by trying to come to terms with my illness. It will be a relief to cut ties legally and sort the family home so hopefully I can stay here with the kids. Although I still have to co parent with him. Co parenting is definitely not the right word though.

Hope you can get into the Christmas planning soon. I'm struggling with it a bit to be honest but even 1-2 ideas a week will help me when it comes around. Im just writing the ideas though and not buying because I need the security of the return window for most things so purchasing will wait until end Oct/early November. It's the mental load I need relief from.

Also with you all with the rubbish pension. Currently trying to get back into work but I can't see it happening very soon with long covid and 2 kids with complex needs. It is what it is though.

@Tiredandwired2 I’m also trying to plan for Christmas to spread the cost, I have a lot of people to buy for

@Tiredandwired2 he sounds truly wonderful as a partner and human being.... I hope things go fairly and you are able to get a decent settlement.

Another one here with a rubbish pension. Didn't have one until you had to opt out rather than in. Then a decade of having kids and moving to part time it's a bit rubbish. However it's not like I'll live long enough to ever claim it anyway. For the timebeing I'm continuing to pay into whilst working. Probably won't be able to claim it until I have less than 12 months to live. I need to speak with DH's financial advisor though as it might be worth putting it into a SIPP for the kids instead of my husband putting it into his as we are talking less than 20k really.

That sounds tough @Tiredandwired2 especially with illness and kids needs thrown into the mix. We certainly see someone’s true colours when ill health hits 😕

If people want ideas, the posters on the Christmas board are more than happy to help 🙂

@JewelleryCat I may have to jump on the Christmas board for some inspiration

@Oioiqueen Thats hard to think about and big emotional decisions to make. I really admire your strength. Hope that doesn't sound patronising.

@TodayIsatrickyone Oh yes. You really see the true colours of many people. I mentioned in counselling how I felt the scales had fallen off my eyes. You can't unsee it. On the plus side it reveals the amazing people too.

You know...I think I'm starting to read our thread in the same way I listen to my audiobooks and then fall asleep and have to back track and then listen to the same bit 6 times but then still miss the bit I need because it doesn't make sense later 🙈

I have finally filled in some blanks. Door ...? What door? Got it now. Funny 😊

@Tiredandwired2 I had the most epic and dreadful divorce and was truly married to a man who didn't really exist. Or at least there is a monster inside him which I didn't meet until much later. I grieved for a long time. When we actually split up, even when he had been so abusive, I was devastated. I grieved for the lost time, for the fact I wasn't loved or was in fact despised, and I'm now coming to terms with never having someone because how could it be possible with MEcfs? My therapist told me it was worse than grieving a partner who'd died because I was grieving someone who didn't exist and i was grieving my own memories too... because it wasn't real.

I have to try and be grateful for my son and the positive that came out of it but the abuse and trauma has no doubt contributed to my illness, along with single parenthood to a child with SEN. It's flipping hard. Be kind to yourself and it's an amazing step forward. The shame of it all is exh divorced me citing MY unreasonable behaviour. It was so cruel. He just wanted to hurt me and did. It made me sick to read what he put and sign it.