My new job is slowly destroying me .. what can I so? I’m so desperate.

[cantstartagain]

My new job on paper sounded ideal to me. In a category I really enjoy, big global recognisable firm, good salary.

I’ve been there 6 weeks. It’s pretty much fully remote, my entire team is in a different country so even if I wanted to go into the office I’d be alone, there is literally no work to do.

I just can’t do it, I live alone and I don’t want to be sat in my house 24/7, I don’t want to sit staring at a screen with nothing to do, it’s 2am and I don’t want to sleep as it means I’ll be waking up to another day of nothing …

Maybe that was true pre Covid but people change their days, they hot desk etc

I find going into a half empty office even more depressing tbh. If your team isn’t there you don’t learn anything or pick up extra bits of work, doesn’t help progression, you don’t actually get to know other people or teams, no networking, no real understanding of how your job fits in to the wider company.

Id rather sit at home on my own.

Sure it gets me out of the house but I’m out of the house every day anyway, that’s not an issue for me.

The working from a cafe suggestions are well meaning but I don’t know many people that could do that in reality. I’ve always worked with personal data so it wouldn’t be appropriate! And I used to have a client that would work from cafes or co-working spaces and they were so noisy it would be so difficult to hear him on a call. Not ideal.

This is quite different to your middle-of-the-night post where you said you didn't want to be sitting in your house 24/7 or waking up to another day of nothing.
This is why people were giving you suggestions of how to improve things in your non-working hours.

Many people have asked whether you have spoken to your manager.
This is always the first thing to do when you have issues at work.

OP, is the whole company/team remote or are you the only remote one with all the others in an office abroad?
I ask because I work in an entirely remote team and they've put in a lot of work to ensure we are not lonely, that we interact with colleagues on an informal level etc.

Why are you so emotional and rude to people responding here? You’re being strangely defensive over what you are perceiving as slights (which they are not). It’s not coming across as stable…

I am in my 20s and had a high powered career, senior leadership, worked my way up etc and it goes without saying that the people at work aren’t your friends. You can’t rely on colleagues for emotional support/friendship/your social life. You are looking at this the wrong way - you have unreasonable expectations of the workplace filling a loneliness gap for you.

(Quickly touching on loneliness, I am not lonely at all, whilst being fully remote & having my own home. Bills are all on me etc yet I love the balance that being fully remote brings. I am seriously considering turning down a £120k role because of the daily commute, as I know it will impact my energy levels and ability to be there for the people in my actual life. You are only lonely bc you are using work as your personal support system).

But going back to your office set up, as someone with drive/ambition I would be setting up my local office as a place where I have a network & influence. Loads of people work in offices without their direct teams being present. You just grow some confidence and strike conversations with people and build rapport. Your manager doesn’t need to give you work mates in a tidy package. You can drive cross collaboration etc.

I've twice had jobs with nothing to do and it was torture.

What does your manager say?

I'd get into the routine of going into the office. It will build in some structure. You'll find that there are a few faces you recognise. If there is literally no one then raise this with senior management and write a business case for closing it!

I did have a break before starting this job, I left a horrible toxic job and this was suppose to be the crash start.

And I have said to my manager that the role is a little isolating (worded as diplomatic as I could) and she just said I’ll be glad when I’m busy with work that I don’t have a commute.

I think it’s just the disappointment … it’s a category I love, working in a city I love and in the future plan on making to. I just really wanted to change things but I’m scared that I’m getting so low again that the motivation is just gone.

In essence you were told that you would need to be in the office 2 days per week and the other 3 WFH. You accepted the job, based on the description that you were told. Only you have found, that yes, you could go into the office 2 days per week, but you wouldn't be interacting with any of your own team, as they're based in a different country. So you are stuck WFH 5 days per week and to top it off, you don't have any tangible work to do.

I'd be peeved, because your employer wasn't entirely honest with you from the start. Also why have they employed you if you have no work to do? Is this down to poor planning by your line manager or is there a lack of work generally within the organisation?

I would be looking for a new job OP. You could tell your line manager that you need work (although perhaps don't word it quite that way!).

Have you been into the office to check the set up? We have a dedicated space so at least you tend to be surrounded by people from the same dept which helps. Also tends to be senior management who are on site more often so you do have a chance to be noticed and hear what’s going on. Appreciate if it’s totally hot desked and/or separate office spaces it’s harder to mix with people.

Sounds absolutely ideal. Crack on with the house work in work time and see friends/gym/socialise when you’re not in work time. I would absolutely love this set up.
If you’re lonely look outside your job, where are your friends? Where is your social circle? If you have none, make some

Wanting some social interaction and to be out of the house a few days a week does not mean someone is lonely or relying on colleagues for a social life.

My husband was the same, he’s far too social to work from home. So he rented a desk in a co-working space, would that be an option?

I completely understand. I work for a company where we all wfh 100% of the time. There is no office to go to.

After the initial honeymoon period, I became quite depressed and started hating being in my house all day every day. But I love my job so I made some changes to how I live.

I have a dog and and take him for a half hour walk right before my working day and straight after. This is my “commute” as I found that I missed my commute as that was when I’d start thinking about my working day ahead and also when I would switch off at the end of the day.

I go to the gym most days at lunchtime. It breaks up my day nicely and gets me out of the house. I also have a few friends that work from home some of the week and so I meet them for a quick coffee on those day.

I find an errand I need to run every day. Even small things like popping to the post office or going to the bakery.

I set up plenty of catch-up calls with my team where there is absolutely nothing on the agenda. Sometime we’ll spend the entire hour on Teams just talking about our weekend or putting the world to rights!

Don’t give up yet. It’s an adjustment and it takes time.

I totally get the issue - I am a lone parent and have purposely written off any WFH jobs because i DO get my social interactions from work. I couldn't sit at home on my own for 8/9 hours a day and work even if it was busy, and then sit at home parenting all evening. Work is where I see other adults. Honestly in your situation I would absolutely be looking for another job asap.

So go in
Maybe others feel the same but because no one is going in they think what’s the point as well.

You might kick start the office being more used.

I do understand where you’re coming from OP, I’m a social person and work at home except for 2 days in the office a month. I have padded out my outside of work activity and if I’m feeling restless I go and work in a busy coffee shop.

Hi OP
you sound really down and I’m sorry you’ve had such unhelpful replies. It sounds your manager is not great at delegating. How can you find out about what projects are coming up and how you can get involved- do you have regular team meetings?
I have been in a similar ish situation to you.
what I wish I had done earlier was to be more assertive in building out my internal network to get support and make allies.In a global business there must be lots of online resources and training to learn about the business, make use of them to familiarise yourself as well as you can with it. See if you can sign up for any internal staff networks and/or events to get to know people?

I get it completely OP. I did it for ten years (before COVID made it cool). The work got less and less and I almost had a breakdown. It was utterly soul destroying. Ended up leaving and took a 40% pay cut. Not sure I made the right decision.

I can’t relate to this at all. I don’t get people who rely on work for their social life. I would LOVE to not have to see or speak to colleagues 😆.

It sounds to me like you need some hobbies OP. Join a class or do some activity in the evenings/weekends. I lived alone for years and was never lonely. Always busy!

What others?

I get that some people love the social part of work.

You've not answered the questions about the lack of work though. Is it an ongoing situation where no one actually has work, or is it a slow ramp up as they start bringing you in on things? A slow ramp up isn't that unusual.

When (if) you are busy you may find regular calls and interactions start making it feel more social. Remote work doesn't have to be isolating if the team is good.

Sorry that people aren’t getting it OP. You need the social interaction and probably the structure and routine too. That was what was promised to you and you agreed to the job on that basis.

It’s not the right job for you even if others on here like the sound of it! I would hate that too. I actually really struggled working from home! And like you I didn’t have enough work so spent the whole time feeling bored, guilty and lonely! I couldn’t go out and do anything as needed to be at the med of a phone and logged on at all
times.

I would start making an exit plan. So use the time to update CV, check out linked in, research other companies etc.

I would be tempted to go in to the office one day a week just to get out fo the house and see what the set up is. Maybe there will be others there from time to time.

Could you explain what the office set up is? Is it literally an empty office or just your team that aren’t in? Trying to figure out if this could work in any way!

Do you think you’ll have more work in a month or so? Or will it always be like this?

Where did ai say I rely on work for a social life?

Thats right. I didn’t. And I’ve already said this. I have good friends and family. Just because I don’t want to work remote doesn’t mean I have no life outside of my role.

And if you can’t relate then why bother commenting - or was it’s just to snigger and be like “aww poor person has no life or friends - could never be me!!!”

OP, if you’re still there. I commented on page one. I totally get it. My job was not advertised as fully remote and the company policy is three days per week in office but this seems to be a mantra that’s repeated ad nauseum rather than any sort of resemblance to reality. My team, it turned out, are in another country but even for those who have teams here the fact that everyone works different days means the vast majority of meetings take place online.

Prior to breakdown I tried to say, to manager and HR etc, that it’s not what I signed up for and they say ‘well you can come into the office’, yes, so I can sit in online meetings surrounded by hundreds of people I don’t know and don’t have any working relationship with, because that doesn’t sound alienating at all. What’s worse is, after the breakdown when I cited fully remote post as a factor, they started on with the ‘policy is three days per week in office’ gaslighting crap when what they ought to have done is find me a job in my location, such as the the one I applied for.

Please protect yourself, take steps to change it if it feels right. I wish I had done so early days. It’s ok that work is part of your identity, that’s the case for me, might be for you to. For some, many even, work is purely functional. That’s fine but it’s not my vibe, I want something real.