My new job is slowly destroying me .. what can I so? I’m so desperate.

[cantstartagain]

My new job on paper sounded ideal to me. In a category I really enjoy, big global recognisable firm, good salary.

I’ve been there 6 weeks. It’s pretty much fully remote, my entire team is in a different country so even if I wanted to go into the office I’d be alone, there is literally no work to do.

I just can’t do it, I live alone and I don’t want to be sat in my house 24/7, I don’t want to sit staring at a screen with nothing to do, it’s 2am and I don’t want to sleep as it means I’ll be waking up to another day of nothing …

Hmmm sorry to hear you are struggling. Thoughts from me: can you take on a second job you can do simultaneously with this one that is a bit more engaging so you can get double pay if this one is not giving you what you need? Not ideal but if you've tried everything to get your workload up perhaps an option, then if you wnjoy the other job more quit this one. As others have said do professional development eg studying during the day, if you do a proper uni course or something you could get personal interaction through that. Could you work from a cafe to at least get out a bit more. Or ultimately just find a new job - sometimes the dream job just isn't what you thought it was, and that's ok.

This has happened to me before. Pick up another job you can do at the same time, remote, maybe a contract, earn loads of money, pay off your mortgage earlier.

make hay whilst the sun shines. Don;t complain.

Maybe use it as an opportunity to improve your real life not your work life
you have time to build networks that support you outside work

Could you tell them you have nothing to do and ask for work to be passed your way?

Hi OP,

Sorry about this, I totally get the mental health struggle so you have my sympathy there ❤️

In terms of workload I suspect you will get busier - 6 weeks isn't very long and likely more work will come your way as you become establish. However, appreciate that doesn't help being remote.

If I were you;

• Go in the office once a week even if your team isn't in. It's about the change of scene and getting out the house. Try and chat to people who are there (receptionists, post man, security, people from other teams etc). You'll start to get to know them.
• Look up local co-working spaces. There is a lovely one 'Arc' in Earlsfield if you were in the SW. I'm sure there are other nice ones.
• Go to a cafe once a week (at least) and sit there with your laptop and a coffee. So nice to get out the house. Again chat to the staff.

I think you need to work on your loneliness longer term. Would you consider a dog? I've met so many people through mine.

Are you dating / are you ready to date?

New hobby? Book club, walking group, volunteering, tag rugby, netball, climbing, knit and knatter etc. You need to work on the cause and start filling your life elsewhere so work becomes less important.

At the moment the weight of the silence and day is too much and there's multi ways to fix that. Don't be afraid to keep looking for a new job either. If wfh isn't for you the you will want a full solution.

Good luck x

I think this would be my plan. If there is literally nothing to do, then do some side courses/CPE/language courses that would enhance your CV in a year’s time and start looking for another job.

With the greatest respect @cantstartagain, people are trying to help but you're not answering their questions.

I would be tempted to get into the habit of going into the office two days a week even if your own team isn't there. You will get to know people in other teams, and the regimen of dressing and commuting, getting out of the house and chatting to people by the coffee machine would be really good for your mental health. They may also have social activities you could join in that would make you feel less isolated.

As to your job itself, do you have regular contact with your new manager? If you are not doing this already I would ask if you have a regular call with them, say every two weeks, to discuss your work and how things are going. Then you can explain to them, without complaining, that you are underutilised and are willing/keen to take on new tasks and responsibilities. You never know, they may have a project you could be working on that they have not mentioned because they think you're too busy.

If even when you have taken these steps you still only end up with a few hours work a day, fill your time with other positive things rather than just sitting at home. Join a gym. Take a class. Join the National Trust and spend a day at each property in your area. Start baking, and maybe take what you've baked into the office (nut free!).

There are positive steps that you could take to try and improve your current situation both practically and mentally. Sitting at home and dwelling on it will only make it worse in your head.

I had this for a short while, but I have kids so there are always household things I need to do, like ironing uniform or prepping dinner or wrapping Christmas presents or offloading stuff on eBay, but whatever I did I would have the lap top very nearby so I could check every 5 mins to see if someone had tried to contact me. I don't advocate for doing household tasks on company time under normal circumstances, but when you have no work and you've asked for work and they literally give you nothing to do to me it seems fair enough to fill your time somehow. Can you get out for a walk or go to the gym or just shopping at lunchtime to give you a mental health break?

I want your job? How do I apply? 😃

Other 16 hours of the day? So we’re not including sleep in that.

Also yes I can expect social interactions when the role is offered as two days a week in an office. And I think that’s sad to see a job as nothing more than something that pays the bills. I don’t want a life of misery just to pay my mortgage on time.

After 6 weeks they could still very much be getting your role up to speed and allocating work depending on timelines for projects. My SIL went back to work after maternity and it took nearly 4 months for her to have more than an hour of work to do each day, but as projects started that she was allocated to she was brought back up to full time work.

However the secondary factor is that it doesn't sound like a fully remote job is for you, so maybe the best thing you can be doing is using all this paid downtime to get extra qualifications in your field and start applying for jobs which will suit you better. You sound very lonely, and there are only so many social activities that can fill that since they're generally an hour or two a day and it sounds like you want to be around people more than that. As well as looking for an in office job have you considered getting a lodger to have someone around, offering a room to a student, maybe volunteering as a way to be around people a lot more? I'm not going to belittle you by suggesting you date, I'm certain this is something you've considered as a way to meet people!

I understand you live alone but is there anyone outside your work life?

But you wouldn't expect to get all your social interactions from work. What about your free time? Work to live, not live to work.

Taking weekends and annual leave into account, along with the fact you don't have DC, a commute or presumably work long hours seeing as you don't have any work to do, you have more free time than most.

So why aren't you doing anything constructive with it? The list of things you could do for fun with other people is endless.

Haven’t answered people’s questions? It was 3am and I was tired and emotional and had had a handful of replies.

I have hobbies and friends outside of work. I just don’t like sitting in my house every day for my working day - when the role was “2 days a week in the office”.

Anyway, I didn’t expect this thread to get this much of a response. I’m just in an exceptionally low place and deciding not to play victim and change things just seems to be making my life worse.

WFH shouldn't be dragging you down so much, you're in your home, your safe space. I think perhaps you were already feeling down, so I don't think it's the jobs fault but of course it doesn't help. Look for another job, ask the GP for some help and try and get yourself up and about. Hard, I know but can be done. Take care and look after you.

Do you have Zoom meetings?

Can you push to upskill? Take on more work? Do any training courses they offer?

Will there be meet ups when you travel?

If you are getting nothing out of day to day working life what else does the big company offer as part of your package?

Would you take on a local pub evening shift (if this is possible) or a similar part-time role to get the socialisation you need? On top of the day job to pay the bills.

Honestly I just can’t be bothered with ridiculous comments like this.

I’m out. I’ve not discussed any part of my life outside of work. I’m talking about the 35/40 hours I’m at work. Nothing else.

These aren't ridiculous comments, people are trying to understand and help.

I feel sorry for you OP, it's horrible to be bored and lonely at work, I've been there. But you are not engaging with many good suggestions being offered here and it's not unreasonable to point out work is eight hours a day and isn't fun for a lot of people. Use the time to find a new job for less money and more socialising, since that's what you clearly crave.

What in the world? Honestly this gets more and more ridiculous. I pay my bills on this job just fine and have a reasonable amount of disposable income. I’m able to run a house and have a car without struggling.

I don’t need a second job or want a second job. I have good friends and family in my life, I have no free weekend until September now. I just miss the social interaction of going into an office 1/2 times a week. I’ve never wanted a remote job - and that there’s no work just amplifies it.

OP, have you talked to your line manager to see if there’s anything they can do to help? If there’s no option that would give you more time in the office, then I’d use your time to look for a more suitable job.

Then do go into the office two days a week. By the sounds of it you're not required to, but you can and you are choosing not to. I think it would be really good for you mentally to go into the office even if your team is not there. You will get to know people who are there. Even the regime of getting on the train or bus and going into the office will help your mental health by the sounds of it.

And have you done any of the things I mentioned before about engaging with your manager?

I’m sorry, but isn’t there an easy solution to this? If it’s purely about the job then just look for a new job that has a local team and where being in the office is actually required. Sorry they weren’t clear in the first place, now you know what to ask during the interview process.

I just miss the social interaction of going into an office 1/2 times a week

You can still do this though? Presumably you knew the office was some distance away when you took the job so that’s not a barrier - pick two set days to go in and you’ll start to get to know the other office regulars.

Look for a new job OP. It really is that simple.

Hey OP, I get it.

I've been extremely low at times and have started threads and have had to leave as people seem to get very shirty when they suggest something obvious (just get a new job, drive for 90 minutes to sit in the office every day, do volunteering, get a dog, join some clubs, just stop being miserable and be glad you aren't run off your feet/poor/unemployed/in a crap relationship/ill/disabled/bereaved etc etc like me) and you don't immediately say 'Gee thanks! I never thought of that! I've snapped out of my low state and my life is sorted now!'

Being underemployed sounds great but the reality can be extremely demoralising.