My new job is slowly destroying me .. what can I so? I’m so desperate.

[cantstartagain]

My new job on paper sounded ideal to me. In a category I really enjoy, big global recognisable firm, good salary.

I’ve been there 6 weeks. It’s pretty much fully remote, my entire team is in a different country so even if I wanted to go into the office I’d be alone, there is literally no work to do.

I just can’t do it, I live alone and I don’t want to be sat in my house 24/7, I don’t want to sit staring at a screen with nothing to do, it’s 2am and I don’t want to sleep as it means I’ll be waking up to another day of nothing …

I have also been in a job where there wasn't enough to do. It is absolutely awful. Have you spoken to your boss? I would give it a bit more time, and then start looking for other jobs. So sorry, it is really crap.

Not all roles with like that, I work on projects for a big bank and at the moment I'm run off my feet but in a few weeks it's likely I will have a quiet spell with not much work then it picks up again a few weeks later. My husband's job is the same we both WFH and it's totally acceptable in those quiet periods to have long lunches, garden etc as long as any work job do have us done and you are not completely uncontactable

There’s 2 different issues here. The job itself and then your personal loneliness.

It’s one thing working from home, it’s another to not actually have any work at all. Yoiu might not feel so bored if you had work to get on with even from home. It sounds like bad management that they don’t really have a role for you. Or they need you sometimes and are prepared to put you on the payroll just for that. This may only be temporary of course and things may heat up.

As to your personal situation - the people I know who live alone have very active social lives and a lot going on outside of work. One is an academic and works a lot from home but the rest of her life is very active she welcomes the peace and quiet of work.

So - by all means look for another job; but also consider that it may be worth putting more effort into hobbies and social life to establish a circle around you.

I get where you're coming from, OP, it sounds soul destroying to me and I'd worry about my online presence if I were going off doing other things.

You're missing company, motivation, occupation, the chance to use your skills and gain more. I'd also worry that the job isn't really viable, so what do you say you were doing if you find yourself having to interview?

Is there a reason why it's so quiet? Current market or periodical factors? If I'd started my job over summer, I'd think it was dead - I'd have a rude awakening in September though!

I’d be looking for another job, pronto. I could t cope with that level of isolation and boredom. It’s more stressful than being busy

This was my DD a couple of years ago. She was 53,in the office 3 days a week then WFH for 2. She absolutely hated it, she ended up on her bed,in the end smoking, not bothering to dress. Bedroom went mouldy. It was also the menopause, she ended up on antidepressants. She changed jobs in the end.

If you are happy to use the time to study to help get another job or study something else then great. Otherwise get another job soon and just say to employers that this current one didn’t match your expectations.

I understand op, in my last job I did two office days and three work from home days but if I worked non stop in the office I could fire through my full week of work and the three days at home had no work and it was soul destroying. I'm the type of person who thrives on being under pressure and being busy, it gives me a sense of purpose.

I also found when I had a job when I wfh full time and was the only person running the office side of a small business with no colleagues to chat to I felt a bit lost. I actually ended up on antidepressants and moved to the last job I spoke of.

Now in my current job it's two days office, three days working from home and the workloads non stop and I much prefer it. I mean it's still work and sometimes I can't be bothered with it like everyone but it's so much better for me.

Personally I'd spend the time job hunting just now for something that's better for you.

Sorry you’re feeling like this. Is there a co-working space near you that you could go to?

This was exactly my position a few years ago - the promise of wonderful opportunities, and an office that was a 90 minute commute where everyone sat in random hot desks so you'd never see the same people twice. I'd be assigned to a project for a couple of weeks, be given graduate level work that took a couple of hours a week if I stretched it out, and then suddenly be told I was no longer needed

I lost a huge amount of confidence in myself (was I so crap at my job that nobody wanted me on their team?), was worried that someone would realise they were paying me to do nothing and I'd get the sack, and I felt I lost skills through not using industry specific CAD packages.

I stuck it for 2 years but eventually got a job back with my previous employer and I couldn't be happier.

OP - make sure you are flagging up to your line manager that you don't have any work and don't feel obliged to sit in front of your laptop all day.

I think people saying this is their ideal job are nuts. I ended up doing similar in my first role in my current company, literally 90% of my working hours not doing enough for the 10% they needed me to do once or twice a month. It turned out that they would rather pay someone a full salary and have them around to do the 10% than do it themselves.

OP you need to use this time to find another job. It's not sustainable for you to work like this.

What sort of work is it?
im in a job which is genuinely killing me, my mental and physical health are through the floor, im disabled and id give anything to have fully remote work , pm me @cantstartagain if you don’t want to write it here

Well obviously you have three options:

1. Put up with it and find some hobbies/training to do
2. Ask for more work
3. Get a new job

Posts like this baffle me 😱

My current job was like that in the beginning too. I was very junior at the time and felt awkward thinking that my colleagues were busy and I was just sitting there twiddling my thumbs. I used to ask my manager 2-3 times if he needed help with anything before starting to feel like a nuisance. I tried to find a different role, but, ironically, could only find ones that paid less for a lot more work 😅

I’m saying this because in the end my experience was different. Things started picking up 4-5 months in and I’ve been with that company for 10 years now with a steady stream of work and generally good management.

OP, as you’re fully remote, could you use this time for something else as other PP’s have suggested? At least you don’t have to sit in front of a screen all day trying to look busy.

How can you feel rewarded being paid for the job you have signed a contract to do while doing something else entirely?

Even if the actual work picks up and you enjoy it a fully remote job and an empty office is not for you. You need to look for another role. An expected hybrid role is very different to this.

MN like most forums has a very high percentage of the socially anxious so getting a balanced response may be hard. I fully understand what you mean. It’s not even an introvert extrovert debate this is about being alone almost all of the time.

@OneShyQuaili bet they’re on four times my salary as well!

Yeah, but she hasn’t got enough actual work in her work hours!

I'm sorry, OP, but you do seem determined to be miserable. Loads of us have lived 10 years or more alone. It doesn't suit you; that's fine, do something to change your situation. The job sold to you was different to the reality - sadly, that's also not unusual. You get a good salary to stay home with zero responsibilities. Whilst a dream for many, it's ok that it's not for you but, again, do something about it. You can go work from a shared workspace; if there's an office, presumably there are other teams in there that you could introduce youself to and work next to; you can find work within the company to do; you can look for a new job; you can learn a new skill or do something fun; you can find a local group to join, or start a lunch club for home workers etc.

Ah, well, you didn’t say so this to start with. Sounds like you’re very lonely, and you expected your new job to help with that.

You say you’ve lived alone for ten years. Do you have family, friends? What does your life look like outside work? What do you enjoy doing?

And have you considered seeing your GP to talk to them about how you feel? Do you think you might be depressed?

You’ve had some good suggestions here - have any landed with you?

Look for a new job, it won’t get better.

I’ve been in a similar position for the last 18 months, it made sense to stay due to family commitments but I’ve been so, so bored. I can’t be away from my desk as I do need to be around to take calls. It’s miserable. I also live on my own and have never liked wfh all the time, was told there would be mandated office days but that was scrapped just before I arrived! If you don’t like wfh, no amount of hobbies and socialising in the evening will help.

I’m moving job at the end of the month and very happy about it.

Use the time to apply for other jobs?

You knew about the long commute before you accepted the job though?
I would do the office days, they don’t have to be your team for company and interaction on a work day and you may find you start picking work up. No one is my office does my job an it’s a 90 minute commute but those three day are so important for networking and making sure people know I’m around.

OP, lots of sound advice and suggestions on here already. Having found myself in a similar situation a few years ago the best advice I can give you is don't let the situation linger. Change something, whether it's looking for another job or filling up your time with other activities, whatever. The longer you stay as you are in this situation the worse it will get in terms of confidence, self esteem etc. When I finally decided to quit I felt like I'd become a tiny version of myself and it made it much harder to then push myself forward into other work which just compounded all the negative feelings. You know it's already impacting you so do something about it now.