Uncomfortable situation involving adult child's partner

[TenTenTenAgain]

My adult son has been with his gf for 4 years. She is from another country and is here on a student visa. They live together.

I've met her 3 times in 4 years , she is always invited to family gatherings but frequently refuses for various reasons. I feel like I don't know her and only recently learned her real name , she uses an English name due to pronunciation issues. The last time I saw her she was very rude , she shamed my son and mocked him about his job. He works ft and earns an average wage for a young man of his age.

They've asked me to sign a letter stating that they live together as a married couple for her new visa , as she's no longer a student. And put pressure on me to do so within a few hours. I said that I needed more information and asked her some questions , the last one of which was about how she sees the future with my son. She didn't respond and apparently phoned my son shouting about me being rude and throwing accusations at her. She then blocked me on social media.

My son sent me an apology message , but said that the pair of them have lots to talk about because of what has happened.

I'm confused and concerned. Has anyone been in a similar situation and what did you do?

You think the OP wouldn't be happy for her son and happy to sign the letter if he was evidently in a loving relationship with a partner who she'd got to know and really was being like part of the family, not someone who's rude, keeps her DS away from his family and gets angry at her when she won't lie to the authorities for her? Come on, the only one who sounds controlling here is the girlfriend.

😂Why did you edit your equally insane 2nd post?

I agree with pp that she is struggling to provide any evidence that they share a life other than they live together. If his name is on all the bills, for instance.

There's no way she would have approached OP if she didn't feel she absolutely had to.

Some of the responses on this thread are absolutely mental! And again like pp have said, if this was a man and the OP's child was female, the entire thread would be about trying to get a young woman away from a predatory male after a visa.

Keep communication with your son open, and keep reiterating that you're always there for him.

Yea . I wouldn’t sign it either .

My friend had a similar situation. The girlfriend was i think Russian ( cant quite remember). The girlfriend was very controlling of her son. Luckily she had to go home for a few months which gave her son the space to end the relationship. He is now in a very good relationship with a Spanish girl.

Hi there.
To quote people, you click on the word QUOTE which is under every post on the left.

Most of the comments have been in support of the OP. We know full well that women are quite capable of being manipulative and self-serving and it looks like that's what's happening with this GF.

The main dilemma for OP is how to handle the situation without alienating her son.

Perhaps he could contact the Men's Advice Line. https://mensadviceline.org.uk/ It sounds abusive to me but he'll be able to have a confidential chat.

I know for a fact it is

Right back at you!

Oh I have no doubt you love your son and care deeply for him ; nonetheless your interest in his personal, private and intimate life and unhealthy

But is it not a lie? They are not married.

Sorry what?

Also I am curious as to why my post was deleted and what guidelines it was breaking?

The fact that shes made zero effort to meet you,wants you to provide evidence that she and your son live together as a married couple and is unwilling to tell you about her family etc makes me think shes after a visa/ residency. I'm guessing she's South East Asian.

Garbage. You're actually trying to call her racist now. Have you read the way the gf treats her?

No.

They need to provide evidence that they are in a long term, committed relationship.

My sister in law came here on a visa 20+ years ago. The evidence that she and my brother had to provide to prove they were genuinely in a real, long term.committed relationship was extensive and intense. No one had to write a letter because it was unnecessary.

The OP's son and his girlfriend have been unable to do that and so she is being asked to provide (false) evidence.

Some posters are responding as though all the OP needs to do is confirm that she has somewhere to live and a boyfriend. What law demands is proof that it is much, much more than this.

Because someone clearly reported it to the mods and they decided that it was breaking guidelines

Charming ; and yes that is racism

For sure ; what guidelines tho?

Don't be ridiculous. OP didn't want to sign a letter which included facts that she knew to be untrue. If the immigration officials found out that false information had been provided in the letter that OP had signed, they could prosecute OP and her son and deport the girlfriend. Why on earth would OP want to risk that?

You are ridiculous.

She's not showing an unhealthy interest in her son's life. She is reluctant to lie in a legal process.