How can I support my teenage son feeling self conscious about height vis a vis girls?

[LowryPicasso]

NC for this. So, 15.5 year old DS is a great kid - smart, funny, engaging. Is on a lot of sports teams etc. Also a PITA obviously, he's a teen, but he's got loads going for him.

He's always been one of the smallest - although in the past 7 months he's grown a lot and is now just shy of 5ft 7'. He's got no facial hair yet, or underarm hair, so I'm assuming there's more growth in the tank. Or not. Whatever.

He's got lots of girls as friends, but the ones he like have wanted to stay friends. One, who he REALLY liked, said the girls at school think he's one of the best looking but he's too short for them.

I find this so upsetting on his behalf. It's brutal! He says that it's a thing. He moves between feeling resilient and resigned about it to feeling a bit upset, I think. More and more of his friends are hooking up and whilst I don't care - I'd actually prefer him to wait - I don't want him to internalise it and make himself feel bad.

So, what can I do to help and support him? I tell him all the time how great he is etc, and how school is tough, and it will happen for him. But he's like yeah, yeah, heard it before etc

Are the girls he likes tall? It may seem shallow but I couldn't take a guy seriously of he was shorter than me but as i'm only 5'2 i have rarely met one. Tbh all my bf have been 6ft or over, my husband is 6ft on the dot, but your son is only 15, he has time and more growing to do.

I don't know what size actually, but they've def grown since he was 13, without question

It's fine to have a preference, but perhaps refine how you say it?

"I couldn't take a guy seriously of he was shorter than me" - it's just weirdly offensive. I think it's 'couldn't take ... seriously' - as if a short guy is less than you.

It's how stigma gets reinforced

@LowryPicasso sorry op my bad, boys feet can grow up to age 16 or so. My ds's feet stopped grow at age 13, as did all 4 of my dds.

No it doesn't seem shallow.

Why is it shallow
attraction is either there or it’s not x

Having a general preference for taller men but being open to other heights too isn't shallow, I also don't think its hugely shallow when someone wouldn't want to date someone who is shorter than them [to a point]

When it becomes shallow is when it reaches the point that someone says they could never be attracted to anyone below 6ft [typical example] and no other attractive traits-face, personality, how they make you feel, chemistry etc would be able to compensate for that, ie "He's everything I could ever want on paper but none of that matters because he isn't tall enough. Its basing everything on one single superficial characteristic rather than the whole package, anyone who abides by that line of thinking is shallow, full stop.

Op's son actually has an advantage being the height he is, when he's older he will easily filter out the shallow women and that way he'll know the ones who are genuinely interested in him are the good' uns, although I wouldn't worry about it too much at the age he is now, superficiality plays a big part during the teenage years, with both girls and boys, with maturity we all grow out of it [apart from the shallow ones of course]

Only 10-15% of men are 6’+ so there must be an awful lot of disappointed women out there. Once you factor in that at least 30% will be arseholes or shaggers the pool becomes really quite small. I don’t get the ‘need a tall man’ thing. I guess it’s like a man wanting a woman with big boobs. There’s not a lot we can do if we’re not built like that but it’s got nothing to do with who we, or they, are. My dad was 5’4” and looked like Elvis. My mother spend his whole life thrilled by him 💕

@bobby81 OP asked for advice in supporting her son who is upset about his height. You have basically posted to say that your son was short too, but now he’s tall, gorgeous, has a girlfriend and is happy. Now that he's tall. The implication is that if he’d remained short, he’d have been single and miserable.

Were you trying to be helpful?