How can I support my teenage son feeling self conscious about height vis a vis girls?

[LowryPicasso]

NC for this. So, 15.5 year old DS is a great kid - smart, funny, engaging. Is on a lot of sports teams etc. Also a PITA obviously, he's a teen, but he's got loads going for him.

He's always been one of the smallest - although in the past 7 months he's grown a lot and is now just shy of 5ft 7'. He's got no facial hair yet, or underarm hair, so I'm assuming there's more growth in the tank. Or not. Whatever.

He's got lots of girls as friends, but the ones he like have wanted to stay friends. One, who he REALLY liked, said the girls at school think he's one of the best looking but he's too short for them.

I find this so upsetting on his behalf. It's brutal! He says that it's a thing. He moves between feeling resilient and resigned about it to feeling a bit upset, I think. More and more of his friends are hooking up and whilst I don't care - I'd actually prefer him to wait - I don't want him to internalise it and make himself feel bad.

So, what can I do to help and support him? I tell him all the time how great he is etc, and how school is tough, and it will happen for him. But he's like yeah, yeah, heard it before etc

My nephew was one of the shortest for years. YEARS. By the time he was 22, he was the tallest - around 6ft 2. He had a friend who was also really small - so much so that when they all met people, they thought he was the boys' younger brother tagging along. Similarly, he's now 6ft 2.

Obviously, these are good stories, and kids grow late. And some don\t. DS might or might not. I wish we could change the perception of shorter men. It's such a waste of so many good people

No he isnt

The best thing you can do is not introduce him to any forums like this one or any posters who inhabit it in real life with their views about mens height.

My dd had a friend who at 16 was shorter than her, I met him just turned 16 and he was really short at in 5’2 but by 18 he was 5’8 ish and saw him at 22 and he was over 6’!

No, and I talk to him a lot about the manosphere crap

Honestly when I meet men socially (husbands of friends etc) I’m pleased when they aren’t too tall because then I can have a conversation without craning my neck. I actually know more men who are below 6ft than above and they’re all happily married.

He may or may not grow further.

My son( now early 30s) is 5ft 7. He hit puberty quite early, voice broke at 12, and stopped growing at about 16. He decided that if he couldn't be tall, he'd be fit and strong, so did various sports and went regularly to the gym. He's a charming, funny, intelligent, ambitious, interesting, successful man, happy in his masculinity, and always had good friends and a good social life.

He was never lacking in girlfriends and met his now wife at university. She's the same height as him, mostly wears flat shoes but that's her style anyway, but in heels is taller than him. Neither of them is bothered by it.

There are wonderful men of all heights as well as awful ones. Tell your son that a girl who dismisses him solely on the basis of height is a shallow person and not worth worrying about. He'll find women who don't care about how tall he is(not that he's unduly short anyway). Tell him to concentrate on his personality and being a likable, engaging,interesting, fun person.

100% agree with @ExOptimist

My DS is 5’ 7”. He has had several long term girlfriends, all of whom were much the same height and he broke up with them. His wife is attractive, intelligent and generally lovely. He is a kind and funny man, that’s the attraction.

No facial hair suggests that he’s got more puberty to go, and that may well come with a growth spurt. DBro (6’4”) was growing until he was 20, although DS seems to have topped out at 6’3” at 17.

My son broke his wrist when he was 14. The Dr looked at his X-ray and said, wow he’s got some growing still to go. Apparently they can see this on the scans.
He went from the shortest in the year to by 20 years a 6 foot 1 bean pole. We have short genes in part of our family and thought that was going to be his destiny. He too like your son was late going through puberty. Watch this space. Be prepared for painful growing pains. My son really ached and couldn’t play sport for a while.

I absolutely love this, thank you

‘Little man syndrome’ is made up bollox. Plenty of tall men are dicks too.

My DS is 14 and he's still shorter than me (I'm 5 ft 3) and he gets regular growth checks due to meds he's on. He's well within the curves for his age.
He's adopted but we happen to know his birth mum is around my height and birth dad around DH height (5ft 9) so he's probably on track to be about DH height, which is fine for an adult man!

Ahem some of the best sex I ever had was with a man who was 5 7”-my name said in a Scottish accent still makes me go weak at the knees. Your son has what I call the shorter man opportunity - he can face it, accept who he is and live from that place of radical self acceptance.

That also happens to just about the most attractive quality there is. Love and strength to him and you.

Have you seen his friends, the average height of a 15 year old boy is 5ft 8. So there will be plenty either side. I doubt he’s thay much as outlier, more a comment has thrown him.

hes taller than my (older than yours) ds. There’s a lot of bollocks on social media about short men, and women only wanting 6ft+ just keep an eye he’s not falling down that manosphere bullshit.

secretly I am hoping mine still grows, all the men on both families sides are over 6ft, and I just know life is easier if your a taller man. It’s not so bad for girls, but I know men it is.
mine has a fantastic personality, and jokes about it, but I know it upsets him.

My husband is 5’9. It might be the uk average, but he’s by far the shortest of all the men we know. It doesn’t help that I’m about 1cm shorter.

He has always been quite self conscious of his height, and was teased when younger. Despite this, he was never short of girlfriends when younger and had far more female attention than any of his taller mates.

I don’t know any man that was average height at 15.5 years old that ended up being tall. They all ended up average height. All the tall men I know (including biological family members) that are 6ft and above were already tall as children.

Little man syndrome is based on awful interactions with men who I rejected as a teen and in my early 20s so I’m sorry if that offended you. They were very insecure and nasty about it. I am short but I’m a woman.

As I said upthread, my son was 5’6 at 16 and is now 6’2 and not done growing.

5 7 is not short anyway.
My DD is about 5 4 and currently interested in a guy about her height 😁

That is very unusual! But good for your son.

My DS was still only about 5’6” when he passed his driving test at 17. He used to borrow my car of an evening to meet his mates and was frequently stopped by the police to check his licence as he looked so young .
within a year or two he was 6’1” and looked more his age. Your son has time to grow .

I find it quite sad that lots of people on this thread are reassuring OP by saying her DS might still grow taller. Essentially saying “don’t worry, he won’t always be a useless short arse”.

My DS is about to turn 17, went through puberty young, and is now 5’8”. The chances of him growing taller are minimal. His father was 5’6” and I’m 5’5”. He’s desperately sad about it, and it breaks my heart. He thinks he’s unlovable because he’s short.

And as for the poster who said “make sure he doesn’t develop short man syndrome” - how would you feel if people pre-judged you on the basis of your appearance alone? Are you stunningly beautiful? Would it be OK to talk about fat woman syndrome? You know, we could invent a concept of women who behave in a certain way because they’re fat? How would that be?

I don’t think it’s necessarily worse now than it was when we were growing up - I think we’ve just forgotten the worst of it! I grew up without social media (well MySpace was around!), but I remember being very self conscious about everything. My boobs were too small, I remember the comments! They never grew, but you just learn to deal with what you have.

It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t grow anymore, we get what we’re dealt with. Physical features aren’t an issue unless you make them your personality.

Yes, good for your son, because if he’d stayed 5’6” it would have been a disaster 🤦‍♀️