How can I support my teenage son feeling self conscious about height vis a vis girls?

[LowryPicasso]

NC for this. So, 15.5 year old DS is a great kid - smart, funny, engaging. Is on a lot of sports teams etc. Also a PITA obviously, he's a teen, but he's got loads going for him.

He's always been one of the smallest - although in the past 7 months he's grown a lot and is now just shy of 5ft 7'. He's got no facial hair yet, or underarm hair, so I'm assuming there's more growth in the tank. Or not. Whatever.

He's got lots of girls as friends, but the ones he like have wanted to stay friends. One, who he REALLY liked, said the girls at school think he's one of the best looking but he's too short for them.

I find this so upsetting on his behalf. It's brutal! He says that it's a thing. He moves between feeling resilient and resigned about it to feeling a bit upset, I think. More and more of his friends are hooking up and whilst I don't care - I'd actually prefer him to wait - I don't want him to internalise it and make himself feel bad.

So, what can I do to help and support him? I tell him all the time how great he is etc, and how school is tough, and it will happen for him. But he's like yeah, yeah, heard it before etc

My husband is 5ft8 and he's plenty tall enough.
Obviously dont dismiss how your son feels but try to help him see that this is not really a big deal and who he is as a person is ultimately going to be the most attractive thing about him.

Look at things he can do to build confidence. Be very much on the look out for that bloody awful Andrew tate shit and incel stuff.

He’s not that short, and will probably grow, boys can keep growing until about 20

Im 5’7 and a half and mostly dated men just a little taller than me or round the same height, my xh was really tall but height isn’t everything!

I don’t know where you are getting your information from, but it’s not that unusual. Im
not saying it because I think this will be DS’s experience - I suspect it won’t be - but because I know loads of kids who grow late

My dd is 5’10”, she started seeing her bf when they were both 16 and he was 5’7”. They’re both 20 now and he is much taller than her, I’d say he’s even over 6ft.

However, don’t count on him growing, it could end up being wrong and be more upsetting for him. Being 5’7” for a bloke is shorter than average but it’s not so short that it’s worthy of comment, it’s well within normal height.

As mum of a son who probably won't be that tall - we monitor his growth because it could be an advance warning of something else. Some reasons for slow growth are genetic or related to actual disease.

www.rcpch.ac.uk/sites/default/files/Boys_2-18_years_growth_chart.pdf

No, it wouldn’t have been. What a thing to say

That’s not what I meant, I just meant he might grow a bit and that he’s not short

also, being fat is different: it’s choice

I've read all of OPs comments but not all the rest - but my husband is 5'6" and similarly to someone else's son, pretty much decided as an older teen that if he was going to be short, he'd lean into the strength and fitness thing (he was already very sporty and enjoyed it, so it's not like he did something he hated just to "make up" for being short). I am almost 5'8" and noticeably taller than him in real life, wedding photos, etc etc.

He's a bit miffed his brother gets to be significantly taller, and he slightly hates height filters on dating apps (rightly so in my opinion - his point is always that plenty of women wouldn't like being filtered out based on weight!) but he's attractive, secure in himself, sporty, nerdy, wonderful, and I can't wait to see him become a dad in the next month to our baby I'm currently carrying. I always dated tall guys and come from a tall family but this man is the best thing in my life.

I totally agree that it's tough in teen and early 20s and it's all too easy to say "if they're the kind of women who don't want to date you based on height, they're not the kind of wan for you anyway" - it's entirely true but it doesn't really help a teen who just wants to be taller. I do think my husband has had to be the confident, willing to approach guy more due to this. I'd just try and build up his confidence as much as you can in anything - school, music, sports etc.

I actually don’t think anyone is trying to appease me that my son will grow so he will stop being a ‘useless short ass.’ I take offence to that.

your use of language on this post and others around height is weird - considering you als talk about your son being sad about his height. I hope you’re more sensitive with him than you are on this thread

Hmm. No. Growth charts just show where a kid ranks compared to other kids at that age — they’re not a prediction of adult height. A boy who’s average at 10 might have a late growth spurt and end up well above average. It really comes down to genetics and when puberty hits, not where they sit on a chart today.

I think you’ve missed the sarcasm in @BerryTwister ’s post.

I am 5’10 and have dated several men shorter than me, including one who was 5’5 and god he was hot. But it’s the confidence that’s key. And not being a dick.

Love this and congrats on your pregnancy

I’m the poster and I’m thin. I’ve unfortunately come across some men with little man syndrome so that’s my personal experience. Hopefully your son becomes confident in his height.

Did I miss the sarcasm? I’m actually very sarcastic but I didn’t get a whiff of it at all
ob Berry’s post. Apologies if I misread

Thank you! I should also say we met on a dating app, so at least some of us don't filter out shorter-than-average guys 😉

I was being sarcastic, because I found the comment “good for him” quite offensive. Implying that if he hadn’t grown, it would have been bad. Really we should be trying to be more tolerant of peoples differences.

I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise you were being sarcastic / apologies

If it’s any help, my DS is 6’6 at 17 and also self conscious, feels awkward and out of place, can’t get the cool clothes and trainers and so on

he can’t shrink!

Your boy is more within the “normal” height range, and might grow

I think you’re misunderstanding me. My son is 5’8”, and well through puberty, and nearly 17. I’ve lived through years of him being deeply unhappy about his height, and it makes me very sad.

You posted on asking for help supporting your son, and rather than giving helpful suggestions, some people have sought to reassure you that he might grow taller. The implication being that if he doesn’t grow taller, then you will indeed have a problem. That’s what I find offensive.

It’s like if someone posted saying “my boyfriend has been working away for 6 months, and while he’s been away I’ve gained some weight. He’s coming home in 2 weeks and I’m worried he won’t love me any more”. And rather than replying saying “I’m sure he’ll still love you, you’re still the same person, he’ll be looking forward to seeing you”, people reply “ooh yes, that could be tricky. Maybe you can starve yourself for 2 weeks, you might lose enough weight for him to still love you”.

My parents are small, my Mum is 5ft 3 and my Dad is 5ft 7, I’m 5ft 3, my sister 5ft and my brother is 5ft 10.
My brother was always the shortest out of his group of friends growing up, he certainly wasn’t his full height at 15.
I now have sons, my DH is 5ft 9. Out 13 year old is probably around 5ft 5, he’s taller than me. My 11 year old is small and slight and constantly worries he’s too small… He got me to measure him again the other day and he is exactly the UK average for a child of his age…
Ive told him it’s most likely he will be like his Uncle and grow later.
Someone who dismisses him because of his height is not worth the trouble and hopefully as he matures he will
realise this.
The average height for 15 year old in the UK looks as though it’s 5ft 7 so your son is exactly where many are, and if he doesn’t grow much taller he will find someone who loves him exactly as he is.

I did totally misunderstand you, which I’m appalled with myself about! So sorry. And you make a lot of sense

I'm 5'8. My boyfriend (I'm divorced and 41 and feels really stupid saying that but not sure what else to call him!) is 5'6. His confidence and intelligence and sense of humour means I don't even notice his height, it's a none issue whatsoever. Although I don't wear heels anymore. That's a relief though tbh

He’s not! My son is 15 and just under 5’8”. He’s the same height now as his dad. I’m only 5’4”. He’s definitely still growing. He’s gone really skinny too!
My eldest was 5’10” at 15. He’s nearly 20 now and he’s 6’2”. He might actually be a bit taller than that! But his (different obviously) dad is 6’3”.
Armpit hair is often later in boys… it seems to be the last to start sprouting…

I bet the same girl wouldn't turn down Tom Cruise though, so she was just being a cunt to him