Wendy Duffy heart breaking but understandable

[youalright]

What a brave lady i hope she's holding her son right now.

Please don't talk so glibly about such a serious and tragic situation.

No-one's life is 'worth less' but a 24 yr old would have hope of more dc, a 56 yr old obviously wouldn't.

There is of course more to life than kids, but not sadly for this lady.

🌷I can't believe it's been 10 years. 💕. Do DS's friends still visit you? Xx

I think anyone who judges what this poor woman did is heartless and callous. Yes some people might have been able to carry on in life, but so what? Does that make them a better person? No of course not, we are all different. There are no gold medals for how any of us cope with grief or trauma, it’s not a bloody competition! She tried to carry on but she couldn’t. For some people to insinuate that somehow she didn’t try hard enough is disgusting. She made her choice and that choice was hers to make.

As one AuDHD woman to another, I’m glad you made it and are now in a good place 💐

I’m not saying that to make any point in this debate as we all have our different opinions. Just simply that I’m glad you’re here.

This entire thread is glib. There are posters glorifying the fact that a woman who was still in the depths of grief killed herself, and acting as though suicide is good, which is pretty glib.

Regardless, do I think it's inappropriate to tell a person that their grief is worth less because they can have more children.

Otherwise we get a situation where a woman who is infertile or past menopause should be supported in killing herself if she feels suicidal thanks to a child dying, but a woman pre-menopause shouldn't, as she might have more children. Yeesh.

I can't imagine recommending it. I'm happy not to allow under 18s to do it
But absolutely, if a family member with capacity had lived in unremitting emotional pain for four years I hope I wouldn't stand in there way by using moral blackmail.
Why are you so terrified of death? Not only your own but other people's. To the extent that you want to try to take away their agency and condemn them to a life much worse than death. Because what? Because it doesn't align with your moral compass?

It troubles me that people see terminal illness as more “worthy” than mental illness in this context.

I was told by a sufferer that they could deal with physical pain because it wasn’t in their head but in a separate part of them, whereas the noise of mental illness was inescapable, perpetual and deafening, and the pain unrelenting.

Mental health help isn't a magic wand people on here always say just get some counselling. Then what she's been struggling for 4 years she's tried counselling it didn't change anything she still wanted to end her life

I think this is the grey area of assisted dying. I fully support assisted dying and I work as an HCP myself so I see medicine prolonging life and suffering more and more these days than I use to 20-30 years ago. But this is exactly why it requires strict regulation. It’s an incredibly sad situation but like others have said you never get over the loss of a child but you can still have a life. 4 years really is no time after a loss as enormous as this.

I'm not terrified of death at all. I've sat by people's bedsides as they've died of cancer, and I've been in some very dark places myself. Death comes to us all, eventually. It's the one thing we can't avoid, and I'm quite accepting of that.

But I'm not okay with the state, or with a commercial company, killing people because they're depressed or mentally ill. That seems like a net negative for society.

(Tangentially, and on a less serious note, it strikes me as odd that many people in favour of assisted suicide for depression are probably against the death penalty even for clear-cut cases rape and murder. The state can kill sad people, but not bad people?)

We both know that it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to answer your questions. But the internet certainly will have answers for those who feel inclined to seek.

To answer your more general point, is an assisted dying clinic more clinical, safer, and less distressing? I’m going to say almost certainly, yes.

But none of that removes the risk of introducing assisted dying. I’ve already explained why in my previous comments. There is the very real risk to vulnerable people and in places like Canada where assisted dying is an option, there’s clear evidence that vulnerable folk aren’t being provided with the best care. Treatment options aren’t being exhausted. Social care is being withheld. Vulnerable people think they have a “duty to die”. These aren’t baseless fears - this is actually happening.

And for that reason, I think the needs of the most vulnerable outweighs the preferences of an individual. Suicide hasn’t been removed as an option for them - it’s just a lot more difficult. That’s not denying autonomy, it’s the necessary balance to protect those who are the most vulnerable.

Please don’t misunderstand my thoughts though - I’m not without compassion. It’s just heartbreaking all round.

I have been very affected by this story. It resonates with me so much.

My beloved oldest daughter died, entirely unexpectedly, last October. I have been demented with shock and grief at the loss of her; unable to work, or eat solid food, or leave the house.

I had acute suicidal ideation in the first few days and only the fact I have 2 younger children (aged 21 and 14) kept me from jumping from a high bridge that’s near us.

I have been having therapy since January. It’s not made much difference.

The awful thing is there are days I resent my other 2 children because I feel tethered to this world by their need of me. I love them with all my heart, but I am in so much pain that each day is unbearable. Yet I cannot leave them; particularly my 21 year old daughter who has lost not only her sister but her best friend.

I know without any doubt that, despite the fact I have a husband and a father who love me dearly, I would have absolutely taken my life after the death of my precious daughter, but for my other children.

To me, Wendy Duffy’s actions seem entirely “normal”. As in I cannot imagine any other response to such a loss if there are no other children that have to be considered. I am a bit ashamed to say that a large part of me envies Wendy Duffy’s freedom to make the choice she did.

This - it's about the bigger picture, and the wider impact on a society, not just a few individual sad stories.

In a society that already doesn't value the ill and infirm, has too few social nets, and treats human life cheaply, normalising suicide as a positive way to deal with trauma, grief, depression, or disability, is a very dangerous thing to do.

Nope I'm all for the death penalty to

Ah well, I can appreciate someone with consistent values! 😁

🤣🤣🤣 I sound like a proper psycho honestly I'm not i am normal 🙈

Your last paragraph. What connection do you feel can be made between the state killing pepple who are begging to be killed and the state killing people who want to continue to live?

I am very much in favour of assisted suicide and very much against the death penalty. I see no conflict in that point of view.

Haha 😂 Totally normal! Honestly, I can sympathise with the death penalty (in theory, if not practice!) so I must be a little wonky too.

But for me, assisted suicide for something like this is just too much of a slippery slope, although I do feel real empathy for the poor woman's pain.

Thank you - sincerely ❤️ On balance I think I am now.

Its a complex issue, for sure, and there is no real answer.

By the way, your username made me howl 🤣

I agree with most of your post.

the bit I disagree with is that you think ending your life to be with loved ones isn't a 'sound' reason.

I'm not religious, at all. I choose to believe there is 'something' after this life, but I'm unclear about many aspects of it 🤣 I can't say I believe it, but I choose to think I'll see my loved ones again, it keeps me going & im not hurting anyone.

if I choose to end my life to see them again sooner, that's just as sound a reason as any other (non terminal illness).

Without reference to any gods, hereafter or the impact on other people, can anyone on this thread so adamant that people should live out their natural lives when they don't want to explain why?

What is so precious about life, and so frightening about not experiencing it any more?

I do not think it is wise to give the state the power to deliberately kill people. I also don't think it's wise to have a society where it's considered normal or positive to deliberately end a human life, where the person was not already actively dying.

I can sympathise with killing serial rapists/mass murderers where there is zero doubt that they committed the crime, and with killing people who are physically unable to kill themselves and suffering, or terminally ill.

But generally, I think it's best that the government not be allowed to kill people, and that people not be told suicide is a brave and positive choice.

I see no connection whatsoever between the death penalty and assisted suicide, except a death.

I would suggest that if you value life so little, and find the thought of death so unbothersome...well. Perhaps I shouldn't say, as it'll be taken seriously instead of as a flippant quip.

As I've said though, you'll end up dying no matter what you do, but if you kill yourself, you can't come back to life!

So you think that monster Axel who killed those 3 little girls in Southport deserves to live? I think in circumstances like that the death penalty is the only option