Would you date a broke boyfriend if everything else was perfect ?!

[bakingcrazy19]

I need some honest outside opinions because I feel really stuck.

I’m in a relationship with someone I genuinely love emotionally. He’s kind, supportive, and we connect really deeply. When we talk about the future, it feels aligned — we both want a home together, stability, and a life we build side by side.

But the reality is quite different.

When we first met, he presented himself as having a good income and a stable lifestyle. I later found out that wasn’t true, and he’s actually not in a strong financial position at all. That’s been quite hard to process because it changes how I viewed the foundation of the relationship.

At the moment, he’s not working. He says he’s trying to find a job, but so far he’s only applied for a couple of roles. I’ve offered to help with CVs and applications, but nothing has really moved forward.

Meanwhile, I’m starting to feel a growing sense of pressure and resentment because we keep talking about the future — moving in together, building a life — but I can’t see a realistic path to get there without financial stability or consistent effort.

I don’t expect anyone to be rich. I just need to see honesty, effort, and some kind of plan for how we actually get from here to where we say we want to be.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did it improve, or did the mismatch just grow over time?

No I wouldn’t entertain this . The lying to begin with and no meaningful attempt to find work . All the talk of building a future isn’t seeming to spur him on to get a job so it’ll all be down to you or he’s stringing you along .

I would date a broke unemployed boyfriend and even someone who never intended to work in something profitable.
I wouldn't date someone who didn't want to put the effort in to get to a shared future, so e.g. if you both want to settle in a home together in the next few years and he is actively not doing anything to make that happen and you sense he won't do anything to maintain it when you do, I think that's out of order. I don't think a 'work ethic' is particularly an important thing but a sense of commitment to your passions, including doing things you're not that into to achieve a goal, is.
I'm in a weird position where my partner has so massively out performed me financially that what I do is fairly negligible to our finances. I keep doing it because I enjoy it and as a kind of back stop for if his stuff goes wrong. So we are not really an equal partnership in that way anymore, although my flexibility in allowing our family to be uprooted and to have a career break for his career has helped his earning potential.
My dad was unemployed for years, most of my childhood, but he was committed to getting work throughout, he's a carpenter and he did countless favours, short term jobs, a day labouring here & there, fitting kitchens for people, made and fixed anything around our house and crucially did not mope about at all. He is a good man and at that time was also (as our whole family was) broke.
So, I suppose I'm saying it's not the brokeness that's a problem, it's if you're not partners in your shared future.
ETA I don't think the initial lying is too much of an issue, given the current media environment I'd be inclined to assume he felt loads of pressure in this respect.

Nope. Fell into this trap twice. Thankfully dumped them before it was too late.

No

No, absolutely not.
Past experience (long ago).
Just don't.

No. When FH and I got together, we were both broke, living on scholarships, PT jobs and fresh air.

No I wouldn’t. A man in a stable low paid job would be a bit different (I don’t need to date a high flyer) but lying and being unemployed with apparently no rush to find anything would be a deal breaker, and I’d worry that he saw me as a meal ticket (particularly with the pressure to move on together etc)

Nope, I did my share of losers in my early 20's. Now financial security seems much more important! Dp did run up some debts at one point, but worked his way out of it and always had a job, mortgage, pension plan etc. No need for a cocklodger while you provide everything.

Do you know why he is out of a job, is it from a recent redundancy or other reasons? Lying about it and being deceitful is a red flag though.

It will cause resentment later down the line. I have been there and I have seen it too many times. Unless you want to live a life where you are funding someone - and I know people who are happy with that set up - I think if you are expecting him to contribute to this future then you need to start seeing some action from him.

I wouldn’t risk it. If you are having doubts your gut is probably right.

it wouldn’t bother me as much if my boyfriend was broke if he had the right attitude towards it, eg he worked really hard but didn’t earn well, or earned a decent amount but had dc he had to support etc.

the fact he’s broke because he’s bit working and not proactively trying to change it would be a dealbreaker. As would the initial deception

Don't let him move in with you

When I met DP he was a low earner in his early 30s despite being degree trained as he had cared for his Mum who had stage 4 cancer.

He made no attempt to deceive me and was clear from the get go about his financial situation. He didn’t have debt but didn’t earn a great deal.

He is in a much better job now. I’m still paid more but I know his progression is good.

My issue wouldn’t be a low wage, but that he’s deceived you. Toss this one back to the dating pool.

Just as I believe it's not acceptable for a woman to be totally financially dependent on a man, I don't believe it's acceptable the other way around either.

No, I married a broke husband who then wasted money left right and centre and lied about a lot of things. We are now divorced before he ruined me.
I expect any partner to be a sorted adult not a reckless teenager.
I need them to have at least what I have - their own home, a good pension and a decent income.
I am not interested in scraping the bottom of the barrel.

The money wouldn’t bother me

The total lack of work ethic would

I think the same.

The issue here isn't his bank balance, it's the fact he misrepresented his situation. That goes to trust, which for me is a deal-breaker.

I actually find it hard to agree with your description of him as "kind" when he essentially lied.

If he painted a different picture to the reality of his situation when you met, then I'd be v concerned. Its one thing to say, for example, that I was made redundant and have been applying for lots of roles but the job market is tough right now. However if he deliberately led you to believe he was financially stable and sorted but isn't, and has only applied for a couple of jobs to try and rectify this, thats different. Be careful he doesn't see you as a meal ticket, of course he wouldn't be able to reel you in if he wasn't charming and perfect in all other ways.

Yes I would and I did and we're now married and a lot better financially than when we started off. But the difference is that we were both in similar situations, neither of us lied and we both had jobs

I don't think being broke is the problem, it's the fact he lied to you and that he's not fussed about getting a job

Depends on the reason he is broke. If it’s that he can’t hold a job down that’s a problem. I would have a bigger issue that he lied and reeled you into a relationship possibly believing he is someone he is not. Your life plans need to align as do your values.

When we first met, he presented himself as having a good income and a stable lifestyle. I later found out that wasn’t true, and he’s actually not in a strong financial position at all. That’s been quite hard to process because it changes how I viewed the foundation of the relationship

He lied. That is the biggest issue here. Unfortunately if someone starts off lying like that you can never trust them again.

At the moment, he’s not working. He says he’s trying to find a job, but so far he’s only applied for a couple of roles. I’ve offered to help with CVs and applications, but nothing has really moved forward.

How long has he been out of work?
If he's not making the effort to find a job, any job, that's a massive red flag.
You have to be careful with this type of person - could be a hobosexual, falls in love quickly with a financially solvent person and before you know it, they've got their feet under the table and then when you start trying to get them to make more effort to find work and contribute to the household they play the mental health card.... ask me how I know!!

Meanwhile, I’m starting to feel a growing sense of pressure and resentment because we keep talking about the future — moving in together, building a life — but I can’t see a realistic path to get there without financial stability or consistent effort.

Yes and this will only get worse so you should end it now. He is already NOT making a consistent effort towards this by trying to look for work. He's expecting you to do that and build the life for both of you.

I absolutely wouldn't continue the relationship. I've been burned by a cocklodger before. Never again.
It's not about him being "broke", it's the lack of effort.
I don't care if a partner is in a lower paid job, but I expect someone to be putting in as much effort as I do regarding work and creating a financially stable life.
Likewise, people can become unemployed through no fault of their own and the job market is difficult, but I'd expect a partner to be putting in dozens of applications a month to jobs and also to consider options outside of his field and also trying to get temporary work, not sitting at home putting in a couple of applications once in a blue moon.

No I wouldn't. I enjoy nice things and would only want to be with someone who can provide that lifestyle.

So an unemployed man is talking about planning for the future and building a life with his GF? What future? Does he have magic beans or something? I will never get over the audacity of these men.