Would you date a broke boyfriend if everything else was perfect ?!

[bakingcrazy19]

I need some honest outside opinions because I feel really stuck.

I’m in a relationship with someone I genuinely love emotionally. He’s kind, supportive, and we connect really deeply. When we talk about the future, it feels aligned — we both want a home together, stability, and a life we build side by side.

But the reality is quite different.

When we first met, he presented himself as having a good income and a stable lifestyle. I later found out that wasn’t true, and he’s actually not in a strong financial position at all. That’s been quite hard to process because it changes how I viewed the foundation of the relationship.

At the moment, he’s not working. He says he’s trying to find a job, but so far he’s only applied for a couple of roles. I’ve offered to help with CVs and applications, but nothing has really moved forward.

Meanwhile, I’m starting to feel a growing sense of pressure and resentment because we keep talking about the future — moving in together, building a life — but I can’t see a realistic path to get there without financial stability or consistent effort.

I don’t expect anyone to be rich. I just need to see honesty, effort, and some kind of plan for how we actually get from here to where we say we want to be.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did it improve, or did the mismatch just grow over time?

No. Wouldn't date a broke woman either in the same circumstances @bakingcrazy19. If he's struggling to find work why isn't he at least doing courses to improve his employability?

. I'd find the lack of action to pay his own way a massive turn off.

It's too much of a parent/ child dynamic, not two adults making a life together.

I don't work due to disability, and my DP is fine with that.

It is a difficult time for employment now but that doesn’t explain why he’s only applied for a couple of jobs. He needs to hustle - he should be approaching all his contacts, networking , seeking employment coaches, training / re-training , setting up a business etc. At the very least he should be seeking a temporary job or contract to get some money coming in. Applying for a couple of jobs and claiming to be job hunting is very very low effort.

@XenoBitch But that's different if you can't work (and I assume you are therefore getting related benefits which will ease things financially?)
I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot e.g. you could work but your husband was disabled so couldn't - you would both be accepting of this too?
But this is not the case here.

I think it’s the deception that’s the problem, though the timescale would depend a lot. How long have you been together? I don’t think you can assume that the moving in together and building a life together won’t ever happen just because he doesn’t have a job at the moment, but a lot of it depends on his current attitude. You can still be generous with little money and if he is putting effort into finding a job, that’s not a bad thing. But if he’s still trying to portray an image of someone he isn’t or expecting you to pay for things, then I’d be out. I’ve been out of work and in debt myself in the past and that didn’t make me a bad person or someone to avoid, but it really does depend on other things too.

No, I wouldn't. It's one thing not to be rolling in it, but broke? No way.

Definitely not How does he support himself and where does he live with no job?

No, I wouldn't, because this was my ex husband and he just spent 11yrs bleeding me dry, lying to me, false promises, running up debt in my name. He's moved onto a new woman and is repeating.

He's presented himself as one thing and his circumstances are the complete opposite.
As pp ..don't let the weasel move in.
I think he maybe rather comfy doing fuck all.

Just wait for him to have a housing crisis (getting kicked out cos he's not paying rent) then he'll want to move in with you.

I wouldn’t take this further if it was me as the disparity in our income and lifestyles would be too great; I have a wonderful career and earn a great salary, own my 3 bed 1930’s semi in London, and own my car outright.

I also have 2 DC so would be mindful of the dynamic I was presenting to them when I introduced this guy down the line, as it’s not a good way to be living at his age.

Trust your gut gal. When it's right it's right, and your gut knew this wasn't the guy for you awhile back by the sound of it. X

He lied. That’s the biggest red flag for me.

I wouldn’t want to plan a future with a liar.

No. Money matters. Don’t settle for a poor man, especially one with no ambition. Life will be miserable.

Yep!

When I got married in my twenties we were both broke. However nobody was lying

I would find it very off putting that he's only applied for a couple of roles. Does he expect a job to just fall into his lap? Or does he not really want to work at all and is expecting you to subsidise him indefinitely?

I wouldn’t not date someone if they were broke but I could see that they had a plan- eg if they were a student or retraining. I 100% would not date someone who lied about having a job, was making no effort to get a job and did not have any drive or ambition. You aren’t on the same page at all.

How old is he? And how long has he not been working?
If he’s 22 and not working for a few months, then that’s quite different to being 42 and not working for a year.

@bakingcrazy19 yes and I did and I married him. When we met he was so skint he had newspaper in his shoes.

However, he told me he was skint on our first date and that things were incredibly tough in his chosen career without any financial backing.

I'd have left your bf the day it became clear he misrepresented himself.

If I were you, I'd run very very fast.

If he was working hard and not well off financially, I wouldn’t care. Even if that working hard was him just desperately searching for work.

But no job (and no real concerted effort to find one) would be a no for me. I work full time and would definitely resent being in a relationship with someone who does nothing. Also you could never merge your lives while things were like this, you’d be paying for everything.

Been here and he became lazy and too focused on me , used to drive me crazy , no ambition and wasn’t the man I met, staying in everyweek because unless I paid he couldn’t go anywhere killed our relationship as I became frustrating with him and if I’m honest it killed the attraction to him as well, I’m not shallow , I can pay my own way without a man, but when you either can’t plan or go places u less you pay, it will grind on you eventually.

It’s not about him being broke. It’s about him lying about his situation.

If you're talking about moving in together, I'm assuming this is a months/years long relationship, rather then just weeks? He's only applied for a couple of jobs in this time? No, I would cut my losses as he's clearly not motivated to improve his situation. There's no reason why he shouldn't have applied for hundreds of jobs by now, if he was serious about working.

When I first met my DH, he was unemployed as he's just moved cities, within about 6 months he'd started his own business from nothing and was turning a profit from day 1. I wouldn't have stayed with him if he was just sitting around the house whilst I was going out to work.

Same happened to me. We lived together for two years in my house. I was working full time while he was sat at home supposedly wfh but over 2 years he only contributed £850! Money was always just about to come but never did. I lost respect for home and also myself it was hard to get him to move out when I finally gathered the strength to ask him to leave.
As in your situation it was the lack of honesty that was the biggest problem as he’d led me to believe he was more financially secure. And over time it became apparent that he was going to be totally financially dependent on me 😟