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Original poster

Would you date a broke boyfriend if everything else was perfect ?!

126 replies

bakingcrazy19 · 15/04/2026 21:33

I need some honest outside opinions because I feel really stuck.

I’m in a relationship with someone I genuinely love emotionally. He’s kind, supportive, and we connect really deeply. When we talk about the future, it feels aligned — we both want a home together, stability, and a life we build side by side.

But the reality is quite different.

When we first met, he presented himself as having a good income and a stable lifestyle. I later found out that wasn’t true, and he’s actually not in a strong financial position at all. That’s been quite hard to process because it changes how I viewed the foundation of the relationship.

At the moment, he’s not working. He says he’s trying to find a job, but so far he’s only applied for a couple of roles. I’ve offered to help with CVs and applications, but nothing has really moved forward.

Meanwhile, I’m starting to feel a growing sense of pressure and resentment because we keep talking about the future — moving in together, building a life — but I can’t see a realistic path to get there without financial stability or consistent effort.

I don’t expect anyone to be rich. I just need to see honesty, effort, and some kind of plan for how we actually get from here to where we say we want to be.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did it improve, or did the mismatch just grow over time?

OP posts:
comealongdobbeh · 15/04/2026 22:45

The lack of money isn’t the issue.

The issue that’s causing you to question your relationship is the dishonesty.

And it will niggle at you for the entire length of your relationship, no matter whether he gets a job tomorrow or wins the lottery.

He lied. Get rid.

Ophir · 15/04/2026 22:49

deserthighway · 15/04/2026 22:20

where do you go on dates if he isn't working and doesn't have any money?

Yes, this? Who pays?

vladimirVsvolodymr · 15/04/2026 22:50

No, move on

Hopefulsalmon · 15/04/2026 22:51

No. Broke following being in education or a divorce but hardworking probably fine. But misrepresentation, unemployed and not making much effort....not a chance.

Icecreamisthebest · 15/04/2026 22:52

Not this one. And never ever offer to help with CVs etc. He has no job. So his job is to do all that. You are not his mother.

And the fact that you feel you need to offer says a lot. He doesn't seem to be competent or interested in doing it himself.

BeMellowAquaSquid · 15/04/2026 22:53

Absolutely not. Lack of money no issue but dishonest is. He should be doing his own CV that’s half the point of having one.

Empress13 · 15/04/2026 22:59

If he had been honest from the outset and I could see he was trying hard to find employment then yes but the fact he’s deceived you from the get go is 🚩 you will always resent him I’d cut your losses and finish it find someone who truly is aligned with you and is actively working towards the same goals

Smarvellous · 15/04/2026 23:01

Lots of questions!

How old are you both?

How long has he been out of work?

What reason did he give for lying? Was he deeply embarassed?

Don't make any commitments or invest too much emotionally or financially until he's proved himself. We can all lose our way/suffer misfortune (been there) but it takes determination to get back on his feet and become independent again. He should be motivated to prove himself to you.

I think your gut is trying to tell you something. If something feels off, it probably is. Set some milestones and stick to them.

LizandDerekGoals · 15/04/2026 23:01

deserthighway · 15/04/2026 22:20

where do you go on dates if he isn't working and doesn't have any money?

This op. How much effort is he putting into thia?

NattyQuail · 15/04/2026 23:02

I started a thread about a cocklodger back at New Year. Said he was a software engineer but always wanted me to pay when we went out.

Several months down the road it comes to light that the place he told me he worked he hasn't worked there for years. I have no idea whether he has another job, but his lack of money etc would be explained by this. He also rents a bedsit.

Ironically, he said on his dating profile liars always get found out.

Yes, he did actually say that.

The bottom line? Liars always lie whether they're found out or not and you'll never have peace of mind again if you stay. They're also incredibly manipulative.

Pistachiocake · 15/04/2026 23:19

Twenty years ago, I'd have said no.
But it genuinely is hard to find jobs now. Lots of people, even from very fortunate backgrounds, are out of work. For me, it would be is he trying to get work? If we want kids, will he be happy to do the vast majority of the home tasks if I'm still earning more?
I wouldn't be happy about the initial lie, but apparently a lot of people lie on dating apps, so if it's a one-off, I'd let that go.

Charlize43 · 15/04/2026 23:24

It's very hard to respect people who don't work, have no work ethic and are generally idlers and loafers. Even the excuses for not to be working will become tiresome. Resentment will build up and as time goes on you'll get to a point when he will get on your nerves. Dump him and find someone with a similar work ethic and values to yourself, someone who is willing to work hard and aspire, instead of someone who has mentally and physically expired.

thetinsoldier · 15/04/2026 23:26

So he lied to you about having a job?

How can you get past this?

PinkNailPolish2026 · 15/04/2026 23:28

Nope. Financial security was always very important to me and I don’t care if this sounds shallow but I wouldn’t have dated someone without the same financial values, who earned less than me or didn’t have a stable job. He’s already lied about his income and I’d be asking myself what else is he lying about.

Bloodycrossstitch · 15/04/2026 23:28

My husband was fairly broke when we first met but I was too tbf. But it was also obvious that he wasn’t broke because he was financially irresponsible and he was working and studying at the time so he was putting in effort to better himself.

That being said the lying would be a massive red flag for me and I don’t think I could respect or trust a man who was claiming to want to build a life with me but wasn’t making any real attempt to put himself in a position to do that.

ThatWaryLimePeer · 15/04/2026 23:29

Yes I did and then I married him and then he went on to earn over 200k per year.

However in your shoes I wouldn’t as he wasn’t honest when you met.

XenoBitch · 15/04/2026 23:39

The issue here is that he lied.

I had a friend whose son would tell people he was in a well paid job etc. I met a mutual friend, and she said he was amazing and was buying people drinks all the time, paying for gig tickets etc.
I knew the truth. He was unemployed on UC, and was being propped up by his retired mum.

Gabitule · 15/04/2026 23:43

That depends on how old he is. If in his early 20s I can appreciate that it’s hard to find jobs in the current climate and perhaps he can recover and become successful. However, if he is late 20s or older I would say no as he should have some sort of established career/ job by now.

I personally wouldn’t want a future with someone who is not financially secure because I know that love does, eventually, go through the stomach. My mother married out of love but by the time I was old enough to understand things I could see how difficult her life was because of poverty, always worrying about money.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 15/04/2026 23:45

He's played you. He's dishonest. Whatever you do, do NOT let him move in with you.

donotmissyourchancetoblow · 15/04/2026 23:45

Absolutely not in the circumstances you describe. It’s the lies that would put me off and the lack of effort to change anything.
I don’t care if I out earn a partner (I don’t DP earns far more than I do) but I do want a similar work ethic and drive. I earn a decent salary but I’m in no way rich and I don’t want to be funding someone else who is making no effort to finding employment.

Twilight7777 · 15/04/2026 23:48

bakingcrazy19 · 15/04/2026 21:33

I need some honest outside opinions because I feel really stuck.

I’m in a relationship with someone I genuinely love emotionally. He’s kind, supportive, and we connect really deeply. When we talk about the future, it feels aligned — we both want a home together, stability, and a life we build side by side.

But the reality is quite different.

When we first met, he presented himself as having a good income and a stable lifestyle. I later found out that wasn’t true, and he’s actually not in a strong financial position at all. That’s been quite hard to process because it changes how I viewed the foundation of the relationship.

At the moment, he’s not working. He says he’s trying to find a job, but so far he’s only applied for a couple of roles. I’ve offered to help with CVs and applications, but nothing has really moved forward.

Meanwhile, I’m starting to feel a growing sense of pressure and resentment because we keep talking about the future — moving in together, building a life — but I can’t see a realistic path to get there without financial stability or consistent effort.

I don’t expect anyone to be rich. I just need to see honesty, effort, and some kind of plan for how we actually get from here to where we say we want to be.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did it improve, or did the mismatch just grow over time?

Was in a similar situation and ended up he was angling for cocklodger status.

KoalaKoKo · 15/04/2026 23:58

For me it would depend on why someone is broke and what they intend to do about it. I would never date someone who lacks ambition and motivation, whether they are a millionaire or on the breadline. You want someone who is passionate about something, wants to succeed at what they do and has enough self respect to want to be self sufficient.

ThatFairy · 16/04/2026 00:04

It doesn't bother me too much. I'm a single mother, I've been on my own for a long time and I don't need a man who can support me financially or meet me financially as I'm also not looking to live with a man again. But saying that, steady employment indicates stability in a man

Tanyya · 16/04/2026 00:06

The man you fell in love with is not the man you are with now.

If he can lie about that and then you are ok about it all and he see’s he has you where he wants you - you will carry on life with him lying and depending on you i expect you’ll be the worker while stay at home bf relaxes and looks for jobs!

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 16/04/2026 00:09

It's the fact he isn't working and is so laissez-faire.about looking for a job that would bother me.
But...supposing the male and female were reversed here...would it put a man off dating a woman if she wasn't working? Why? Why not?