Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Would you date a broke boyfriend if everything else was perfect ?!

126 replies

bakingcrazy19 · 15/04/2026 21:33

I need some honest outside opinions because I feel really stuck.

I’m in a relationship with someone I genuinely love emotionally. He’s kind, supportive, and we connect really deeply. When we talk about the future, it feels aligned — we both want a home together, stability, and a life we build side by side.

But the reality is quite different.

When we first met, he presented himself as having a good income and a stable lifestyle. I later found out that wasn’t true, and he’s actually not in a strong financial position at all. That’s been quite hard to process because it changes how I viewed the foundation of the relationship.

At the moment, he’s not working. He says he’s trying to find a job, but so far he’s only applied for a couple of roles. I’ve offered to help with CVs and applications, but nothing has really moved forward.

Meanwhile, I’m starting to feel a growing sense of pressure and resentment because we keep talking about the future — moving in together, building a life — but I can’t see a realistic path to get there without financial stability or consistent effort.

I don’t expect anyone to be rich. I just need to see honesty, effort, and some kind of plan for how we actually get from here to where we say we want to be.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did it improve, or did the mismatch just grow over time?

OP posts:

Brightbluesomething · 15/04/2026 21:36

No I wouldn’t and I didn’t. When it was clear he wouldn’t get and keep a job I left and stopped funding him. Never regretted it.

Elderflower2016 · 15/04/2026 21:37

It sounds as if you were deceived initially.
Now in addition you are disappointed that your values about hard work and respect and equality are clearly not shared by him. His behaviour is evidence of this.
An emotional connection is not enough.

ACynicalDad · 15/04/2026 21:37

Dave Ramsey says it doesn't matter what the bank balance is if you both have the same long term attitudes to debt and money. If he doesn't get his backside in gear and find a job he probably doesn't. If he was poor but was applying for everything and you felt in tune with him I'd say risk it, I wouldn't take this further, but if you do reflect in a few months and don't entangle yourself with him too much.

SoScarletItWas · 15/04/2026 21:39

Categorically not.

I firmly believe that if your values to and approaches to money don’t match, the relationship will always struggle.

Added to this, he misled lied to you from the start.

He’s either a future faker or cocklodger in the making.

How long has he been out of work, out of interest?

TwistedWonder · 15/04/2026 21:39

He totally misrepresented himself at the start do the lying would be the dealbreaker for me regardless of anything else.

Arlanymor · 15/04/2026 21:40

Isn't it more that he's a lying boyfriend rather than a broke boyfriend? Anyone can lose their job at any time and with the current climate the job market is more difficult than ever before. But misleading you to the extent that he literally said he had a job and was solvent when he wasn't was a bit more than a white lie wasn't it? It was a fundamental deception. I wouldn't build a future with someone like this. Honesty is the most basic thing - it's not hard for someone to achieve.

Original poster

bakingcrazy19 · 15/04/2026 21:40

@Elderflower2016your very right and that’s my fear an emotional connection just wont cut it. That’s not enough to take us far in the future

OP posts:

tourdefrance · 15/04/2026 21:40

Nope, you sound incompatible

VeraWang · 15/04/2026 21:40

Yes I'd date a broke boyfriend.

But I wouldn't date your boyfriend because the problem is his lack of work ethic, drive and the fact he mislead you when you first got together.

That's completely different to dating a broke boyfriend who's determined to do better.

Ophir · 15/04/2026 21:41

I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t work

There’s no future in this, you’re too different

LizandDerekGoals · 15/04/2026 21:41

If he is only going to get a job because you force him to, he isnt a keeper. He will lose jobs, quit jobs, never reach for promotion unless you push. The fact that he is happy to be poor and you are not means you will always have the stress of ensuring you are financially ok.

does he have any debt?

sundaysurfing · 15/04/2026 21:41

No, don’t do it. His situation now is a reflection of his life choices. This is the type of man that he is and this is the type of man that you’ll be committing yourself to. There are so many other men out there who are in better financial positions. Does this man have a golden penis by any chance?

Ooihuko · 15/04/2026 21:42

No, I did and thought it would be better, we are young but it didn't

Original poster

bakingcrazy19 · 15/04/2026 21:42

@LizandDerekGoalsso far he’s told me he doesn’t have any debts don’t know how true that is

OP posts:

Lavender14 · 15/04/2026 21:43

I think it depends on why he's in the situation he's in to be honest. And honestly how long he's been in it for.

I would find the misrepresentation of himself as a red flag depending if he's presented himself very different to his reality. I can understand not wanting to say you aren't working initially but I'd expect transparency pretty quickly in a relationship and I wouldn't expect outright lies at any point.
If he'd recently been unemployed through no fault of his own and was actively looking for work and was motivated then fair enough- some roles can be hard to get. But as time went on I'd be seriously questioning why he wasn't expanding his search, taking on more training to increase his employability or working with a work coach. It would make me question what he's living off unless he had previously been doing very well and has lots of savings.

I personally wouldn't be tying myself to someone unless they are bringing something equal to the table in terms of practically building a life.

I think you need to look at his actions and take his words out of it and see if that is what you want in your life.

How long have you been dating and how long has he been unemployed for? What reason was given for losing his previous job and is he living off savings or is he building debt?

It sounds like your core values are not aligned op and if you are financially stable he may be looking to you to cover him. Under the circumstances I'd not be moving in with him never mind any other future planning until he is financially stable and performs well in a job for a year. If you are under pressure age wise wanting to have babies etc then you need to release this one back into the wild and keep looking.

This is how women end up with cocklodgers and time wasters who talk a good talk but actually deliver on nothing while taking.

GrillaMilla · 15/04/2026 21:44

It depends, how old is he? How long have you been together?

canuckup · 15/04/2026 21:45

He lied.

He sounds like he expects you to provide.

Sounds like he's great at love bombing.

If he really wanted a job, he'd get one. Any job.

You sound quite young - don't make the mistake of falling for some bullshit some douchbag tries to sell you about happily ever after

SummerFrog2026 · 15/04/2026 21:47

When we first met, he presented himself as having a good income and a stable lifestyle. I later found out that wasn’t true

THIS is why I would end it. I wouldn't trust him.

canuckup · 15/04/2026 21:48

It's like me saying to you, oh we should make a cake.

But, you must provide and pay for all the ingredients, and cook it.

I'll eat it.

It's not fair, is it?

Supersimkin7 · 15/04/2026 21:49

Not working = 🚩

imho. Can you afford him?

Bananalanacake · 15/04/2026 22:01

Don't let him move in with you.

BatchCookBabe · 15/04/2026 22:16

No way. I have spent much of my life struggling financially/not well off, when I was a child/teen, and for quite a number of years with DH. I do love him and don't regret marrying him (and having our 2 DC,) but in another life, I would marry for money. As much as you love someone and get on with them, it is ALWAYS a hard life and a hard slog if you are struggling with money. The best relationships are tested to the brink if you are on the bones of your arse.

I have had a reasonably good marriage with DH (it's had its ups and downs but largely OK,) but it would have been better if we had been financially better off. He has never been a big earner, and I have only ever been a slightly bigger earner than him. We have been married around 35 years and were OK for the first 5 years, then struggled after we had kids and I went part time and we bought our first house! And we struggled for about 18 years! Combination of my wage dropping, more outgoings with our own house/mortgage a third more than our rent was/having kids to support meant we struggled for quite a few years.

This past 11-12 years we have been solvent and had a good amount of surplus income (and now have a savings account with a figure in the low-mid 5 figures,) and we have no mortgage. The marriage has never been better since we have had no financial worries. (We are late 50s now and our 2 DC left home over a decade ago,)

I would NEVER date - or marry a man who was broke. And I would DEFINITELY not date a man who doesn't work. That is a massive dealbreaker for me. A man who isn't working is deeply unnappealing to me. Even if because of a health reason, it's a no.

deserthighway · 15/04/2026 22:20

where do you go on dates if he isn't working and doesn't have any money?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/04/2026 22:24

I had a baby with one and though I wouldn’t change my child I hugely regret choosing his dad as his father
he convinced me he was the lovliest man in the world and just having bad luck career wise due to the pandemic. He has been in and out of jobs since and he has been accused of domestic abuse by more than one ex, fired or made redundant from serval jobs and left due to being signed off by stress… they tell on themselves and IF they do better career wise they try to upgrade their girlfriend they don’t respect and love and be loyal to the one that dated them when they were the man character from the destiny’s child song scrubs.

Londonscallingme · 15/04/2026 22:42

I’ve had a job since I was 16yo and I’m 41 so I’d find it hard to understand how someone could just not work. I understand it might be hard to find the perfect job, but there are jobs available for people who are prepared to just do something. What skills does he have?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6