Things you're doing in your life right now that would sound bonkers if you told anyone, but make sense to you....

[HundredsOfTinyWillies]

I'm currently stalking a man in my neighbourhood because I love his dog. I've bumped into this man and his dog twice. I've started going out at the same-ish time and walking the same-ish route in the hopes of meeting him his dog

I have a whole imaginary world in my head where I'm a former supermodel now living a quiet life in the countryside. When I'm pottering around doing household chores, I pretend Louis Theroux is following me asking me probing questions about my tough childhood and stratospherically successful career.

I plan retirement every single day. I model different scenarios with different levels of income. I look at properties in retirement communities a lot. I'm 40.

I would never say these things out loud to another human because they make me sound absolutely bonkers. But there it is.
Tell me your weirdness that you could never verbalise...

Oh I do like that. I might appropriate that for a room in my fantasy cottage in the back of beyond.

I love prams, buggies ,pushchairs and look at them for sale on Amazon a lot.
I had 5 children and went through quite a few prams.
But it took me 7 years to get pregnant initially. At that time when I was pining for a baby I used to go to John Lewis frequently and play with their prams/ pushchairs , e.g. trying them out as if to buy one. I had a favourite that I was going to buy if/when got pregnant .
When I eventually got pregnant I had to make do with second hand ones

I narrate my life, so I am constantly muttering under my breath about what I am doing. And, as I'm a writer, when my characters are having conversations I often speak all the parts aloud as I'm writing them and even sometimes when I'm not. Basically I'm nattering along to myself all the time. Sometimes I meet someone when I'm out and have to pretend to be talking to the dog, equally, I will sometimes just burst out with something and the dog will look at me quizzically as though she's not sure whether she's supposed to do something.

And yes, I do have ADHD.

I couldn't sleep last night and spent ages going through the alphabet trying to name a place in Ireland for every letter. I think I got stuck on J and Q the most. Does anyone else do this, or do you all sleep well.

Ah this is such a great thread.

Not something I do but a recurring favourite fantasy is to pretend I am a teacher at a school and they are hosting a talent show. The children beg me to go up and perform on stage and I sing ‘I can’t help falling in love with you’ (exactly like the acoustic version from crazy rich Asians) and everyone swoons and cries and tells me how talented I am whilst I smile modestly and go back to my teaching job.

Reality - I am completely tone deaf and sound like a cat being strangled when I try and sing.

oh that felt good to confess I could NEVER in real life

Yes, I do that sort of thing to try to get to sleep. I learnt the line of succession to the throne, and start off with KC, William, George, Charlotte etc and can go up to Christian Mowatt, but I'm usually asleep by then. Somewhere between the Snowdons and the Gloucesters.

I do this, too! When I'm driving I'll sometimes think 'Oh, that's a good spot to dispose of a body, they'll never find it there!'. I harbour no ill feelings to anyone beyond mild irritation so I think it's something to do with being clever enough to outwit everyone else. Sometimes this extends to thinking about how I would avoid leaving any forensic evidence at the scene of the crime but since I don't/can't imagine bumping anyone off that bit usually peters out very quickly. Bonkers!

I get up at around 4:30 each morning, despite having pretty much no reason to do so. I just like to slowly drink a couple of cups of tea, scroll online, take my dog for a walk and clean the kitchen before my husband's alarm goes off at 6:30. I work from home, regular office hours. I don't have children or time-consuming hobbies, either, so there is no benefit to me getting up so early - indeed I'm pretty tired a lot of the time, but it's my favourite part of the day. The 'bonkers' aspect of it is that my husband thinks I just wake up naturally that early, which I usually do now that I've trained myself to, but I always have an alarm set for 4:45 for days that I 'oversleep' (he is a very heavy sleeper and the alarm is very quiet).

I like puzzles and crosswords so maybe its the puzzle part of hiding a body that appeals.
Maybe this is how serial killers start out 😱

My fantasy life is incredible.
I live next door to a music producer, who has a studio in the house, and so he is frequently visited by rock stars. I actually own the house but rent it out through an agent and he doesn’t know I own it, and my own home, mortgage free. He fancies me like mad and I frequently pop over with cakes and have a cuppa with the famous people, who all love me because I just treat them like normal people.
I’m not quite retired but I’m actually super wealthy and don’t need to work, I just do it to have something to do a couple of days a week.
I am, of course, really witty and have a great singing voice and, once the famous people find out I can play multiple instruments, they happily ask me to play drums, guitar, violin or whatever on their new song.
Mr record producer and I do get together (the how’s and why’s change sometimes as I rewrite the script) but the sex is, naturally, mind blowing!

In reality I’m poor as a church mouse, sound like a strangled cat when I sing, can’t play a single instrument and I’m so awkward, with such bad social anxiety, that I barely manage more than a quick ‘hello, how’s things?/lovely weather’ to the neighbours before dashing inside. There is sadly no sex in my life, amazing or otherwise.

Sometimes when I cook pretend I’m on my own cooking show. A couple of times I’ve been caught talking out loud by DH and my kids who think it’s very funny.

Also sometimes me and DH talk about/ plan the bar we are going to open in Glasgow city centre and how all our old managers from our former hospitality jobs will be banned. We will probably never do it but we’ve fully planned the beers on tap and the menu for snacks. Plus all the themed nights. I’m obviously hosting abba karaoke and doing the quiz, he’s doing the comedy nights and dealing with live bands. When we go out and a bar has a band we always discuss if they make they cut for our bar.

I strategise about how I would hypothetically steal things from department stores / supermarkets.

It's an intrusive thought, because in reality I am a goody two shoes who has only stolen the odd grape.

I'm on stage playing Bach's double violin concerto with a nameless, very very hot fellow violinist who's staggered at the music we make together and everyone is electrified by our chemistry.

I cannot play the violin.

I’ve been so many different versions of my actual self throughout my life so I love that I’m the only one to do this 😆 I spent the 90s driving round town (this started when I was way too young to drive) and Take That were doing record signings, but it always got out of hand so Jason tries to get away from the crowd of screaming school girls, he runs down a lane just as I’m dawdling there in my car ‘throws door open, screams Jason get in!’ He does so and I drive him away, hero of the day and he thinks I’m the best person he’s been lucky to meet, it’s happened several times all in different cars! I still love him now at the age of 47!

Lately, when I actually am driving and listening to loud classical piano music, it’s actually me playing, I’ve been taking secret lessons, composed all these amazing pieces and then turn up to various family and friend weddings and play for them as a surprise! All the money I get gifted for how amazing I was I donate to the local cat rescue 🐈‍⬛

There is a town which I accidentally found on Google Maps ~ I am gradually gentrifying it into my perfect town. All the vape & betting shops have disappeared and have been replaced with a yarn shop, a haberdashery, a stationers and a wonderful book shop with a coffee shop on the top floor where I spend a lot of time. There is a lovely hotel which does the most wonderful afternoon teas.
And there is going to be a Royal Visit soon so the Town Council are added hanging flower baskets from every lamp post along the route and have given a grant to all the businesses to tidy the shop fronts . . . .

I regularly imagine that my older brother is in the car with me and is so impressed with my driving skills.

In reality we both live on opposite sides of the world (neither of us in our home country).

i imagine him being do surprised that i’m such an accomplished driver, on the ‘wrong’ side of the road too 😮 and that i know all the back roads around my adopted city… and every time a parallel park i can feel his look of pure awe!!!

he often comes along for the drive in my mind when i’m going to the supermarket or to pick the kids up from somewhere… he’s sooooo impressed with my life!!! We have great chats!

I love this game! I do drive but in fairness I don't really care about cars as long as they are reliable that's good enough for me, you've lit a wee light bulb in my head though at how I can adapt this game to work for me so thank you for sharing 🥳

I subscribe to raffle house and daydream about winning and taking the money instead, then I fantasy house shop (I've even got the perfect house earmarked)

Oh and when I’m on the commute with headphones in I make the music my soundtrack, which is particularly pleasing when a dramatic key change is coming up and I can time it with stepping off the train, lights going green etc

When I can't sleep I choose part of a word then put each consonant/letter of the alphabet in front of it to see if it will make a full word. So e.g. -ope:

bope ×
cope ✓
dope✓
fope×

Etc. etc. It's so dull it usually sends me off pretty quickly. 😴

Totally normal, your husband is the weird one

I love this thread 🫶🏻

I'm writing a book (well a trilogy actually) and so regularly imagine interviews, signings, meeting other admiring authors etc.

I fall asleep telling stories set in my book world and other creative worlds. Surprisingly frequent appearances of angelic figures considering I'm an atheist!

I also write fanficton/fan films in my head.

I rant at annoying family members in my head.

Regularly look on Rightmove near me and sort by price with the expensive ones first to look at the houses I'll buy when I'm rich.

Imagine the studio I'll run when I'm a famous designer (this is my real career but it's been a decade or more since I realised I don't like people enough)

I redesign the ugly spaces nearby and imagine the popularity and admiration of what I have built.

I spend hours decluttering my cupboards, I have no problem lobbing anything not needed.

when it comes to doing it for real I’m umming and ahhing for ages, swopping it from bin to charity shop etc etc.

my dream is to have the minimum of stuff possible. I am on the decluttering thread which helps me feel good about things I do let go.

i also write letters to people that annoy me or I want to convey something that’s annoying me about them. I actually do this on my iPad and I try to remember to delete them because if I die they might get read, oops.