Things you're doing in your life right now that would sound bonkers if you told anyone, but make sense to you....

[HundredsOfTinyWillies]

I'm currently stalking a man in my neighbourhood because I love his dog. I've bumped into this man and his dog twice. I've started going out at the same-ish time and walking the same-ish route in the hopes of meeting him his dog

I have a whole imaginary world in my head where I'm a former supermodel now living a quiet life in the countryside. When I'm pottering around doing household chores, I pretend Louis Theroux is following me asking me probing questions about my tough childhood and stratospherically successful career.

I plan retirement every single day. I model different scenarios with different levels of income. I look at properties in retirement communities a lot. I'm 40.

I would never say these things out loud to another human because they make me sound absolutely bonkers. But there it is.
Tell me your weirdness that you could never verbalise...

I watch loads of tiny house videos and fantasise about living in one which is never going to happen because I have far too much stuff I could never get rid of.
I also imagine I’m being interviewed on a podcast (like James O’Brien but I think he’s a bit of an arse) about my life and people absolutely love it 🤣🤣

I also used to plan for retirement (not until my early fifties though due to a divorce) and I finally managed to semi retire a year ago.

This thread is hilarious. Love the idea of pinning up posters of missing exotic pets but would never have the balls to do it!!

Ive also been planning the perfect murder. But i have to replan it now as I got a parcel last week that was for upstairs.

When I ordered it I "read" it was 12kg.
I could not get it up the stairs.

DH came home and we bounced it up together. It was 68kg....thats not really the average man. Certainly not DH who I am usually planning to kill as he leaves tissues in his pockets and puts them in the washing machine.

So I need to form a new plan.

I also narrate my life constantly, out loud if im alone. It used to be like a BBC documentary but now its like an obnoxious YouTube or influencer. Which is grating, but they do show off the absolute tedium of their day so I can narrate ALL of my life not just cooking.

At uni we lived in a crumbling but HUGE Victorian house. Its now been renovated and is up for sale. A few have come up on the terrace over the years.

Most of us are still in daily contact so I pretend that we all live there- with kids- and planning out whose room is whose.
There are 17 bedrooms so more than enough and its a lovely commute but not type feeling.

Or that the kids have all grown up and we live there in retirement having a much fun as we did as students....but with gin and tonics instead of 3 litres of cider.

Or else I plan to start a cult

I imagine that I have these beautifully prepared lessons that have nothing to do with the national curriculum, such as astronomy and art appreciation, and other , things that I love, and impart them to a class of totally attentive and eager pupils hanging on to every word. . All unlikely to happen since I long ago vowed never to set foot in a classroom again

I deliver babies on aeroplanes all the time. And sometimes in the supermarket. I’m only in the supermarket because I’m taking a break from practicing the Rachmaninov sonata I’m going to perform at the Royal Albert Hall.

I look up holidays every day… I’m unable to go abroad this year but it doesn’t stop me looking up holidays, choosing rooms, flights etc all the way until check out.. not sure if it makes me feel better or worse about not going abroad this year.

Thanks for pointing this out. I shall log my actions with 101 immediately.

"Hi 101, I would like to report myself for stalking. For the last few days I've taken my dog down the same road at the same time each day in the hopes of bumping into an excited little staffy. What kind of prison time might I be looking at, officer?"

Same! Except my two children were with me too. Plus some others who had survived the plane crash. It was a miracle - none of us had any injuries. Plus the plane had lots of food in its cargo so we were never short. We spent our days collecting shells and exploring the island. I also met the love of my life, and the children made some best friends with the other children who survived the crash. None of us wanted rescued, we were living our best life.

HealthyLiquorice..

I thought it was only me!

I’ve just realised I’ve got another one.
I have a friend who is a terrible gossip. She overshares details about her DP’s family all the time and tells me about all their dramas and ups and downs. I’ve never met any of these people but I have created visual representations to match the names, and they populate a sort of soap opera in my head. I’ve even worked out how they’re all related, like the family tree that you get at the front of a novel.

I really hope I never meet any of them in real life. It would be like meeting someone off the telly.

Best thread I've seen in a long time! Loving that we're all so interesting with entire worlds going on in our minds

For the school gates parents that don't interact with me and ignore my friendly nods/"mornings" I pretend I'm an ex rock star who was in a big rock band in my 20s, that I'm now in the countryside for the quiet life just trying to raise my children and that I'm not an outsider they just don't know how to take me because of all my past fame 😂

Sad in every sense of the word!

I have a fantasy marriage to a work colleague in which we live in Italy and I spend a lot of time on a speedboat and I’m 5ft 8 and a size 8. In reality I’m 5ft 2 and a size 12. I don’t remotely fancy this man but for some reason he is my husband in this alternative reality 🤣

I get you @Nerdynerdynerd

It's so hard when people are rude because they're too intimidated by us to even say "morning".

Despite our beauty, fame, success, brilliance, money, travels, string of gorgeous lovers, scandals and accomplishments we the ladies we are in our heads are just ordinary people trying to live an ordinary life, aren't we?!

I’m writing X rated fan fic.

Thank you for this thread. Makes me feel less weird.
I have numerous fantasies in my head that have gone on years.
one my husband knows about, is I live in Norway or another scandi country, in a beautiful house in the mountains with big glass windows and amazing views. It’s not huge but done out like those apartments you get in Ikea, with all the furniture in. I work in IT for the government but work from home, I’m very important but spend my days WFH looking at the mountains but live just close enough to drive to a town to buy nice foods and that, and come home. I rarely see people. My husband doesn’t know about the man that comes over occasionally and we have amazing sex, then he fecks off again.
I just realised it’s weird that in my fantasy I am still working, albeit WFH. What’s wrong with me 🤪

I LOVE your username 😂

Oh absolutely! I've put all that imagined fame behind me now and just want to live a simple life! I wish people would just treat me like another mum and not judge me by my completely fictional past fame and successes!

I'm so glad someone else gets it! Were you also in an incredibly successful rock band? Or perhaps actress or supermodel?

If I hear a helicopter, I always try to get indoors or under cover/out of sight. In the darkest recesses of my mind the helicopter is always crewed by machine gun toting maniacs.

I was a supermodel.
So not only do I have to contend with people intimidated by my former life, I also have to cope with people being intimidated by my current showstopper good looks, incredible figure, amazing hair, and beautiful wardrobe of well-fitting designer clothes that I just get sent to me.

Its such a hard life.

I would never say these things out loud to another human

The only sensible sentence in your post 🤣

I have my real name for family and friends and another name for outside the house.

I don't like strangers using my name, too personal.

I've got a FWB entirely online. I've never met him but he sends me pictures of his home renovation.

I'm not decluttering. I'm getting ready to leave STBXH with no notice.

I hear different kinds of music when I go to bed, jazz, classical, modern classical, choral. Not like an earworm. I live in a very isolated place. I love hearing it.

I can't leave one container of milk alone on the shelf at the supermarket because it will miss its friends.

In my fantasy I grow windowboxes of salmon pink geraniums like Loveday in The Little White Horse.

Years ago I used to spend a lot of time in Zurich with work. While there I would like to get away from the hotel in the evenings and go on long walks just to clear my mind and get some air. Without fail, on every single one of those evening walks in the snow I would pretend I was fluent in several languages, extremely proficient in hand to hand combat and suffering from amnesia while listening to Extreme Ways by Moby.

Im going to blow £200 in an arcade next weekend, most likely to be more than that.

I daydream about getting married and the groom giving his speech. He's taken his jacket off and has a nice waistcoat on and looks great. "He" is my companion in real life. We are both set in our ways, live in our own homes and at times get on each others nerves. So it's strange that I fantasise about this because in reality it's not what I want! Funny thing is I've never been married and I don't intend to ever!

I'm another one who loves to look at real estate listings. Mostly in my old home town because I'd love to move back. But it's gotten so expensive that there's no chance of that happening. Occasionally I'll look at beach houses in So Cal and even 'country piles' in the UK.

In alignment with my previous post, naturally I show the listings to my dog and we have discussions about the various houses. Little shit alway bagsies the master bedroom with en suite!

This is genius