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Would you judge me if I was your colleague?

137 replies

stressystress · 13/04/2026 20:55

I’m off work long-term (3 weeks in) due to stress and trauma related to serious domestic abuse and ongoing legal matters (divorce, family court, police investigation and forcing a house sale). I’m a single parent to a toddler and I only work part time anyway. I’d only been back at work 6 months from maternity leave before I got signed off. I wasn’t sleeping well or concentrating, and the stress and pressure of everything has been, and is, so much to wade through, all at the same time.

I am really worried my manager thinks I am taking too much time off. I have been off for 3 weeks so far. She knows the context and was very sympathetic to my situation until I went off work. I have just had my fit note renewed and she sounded less than happy through the phone. Within minutes into the call she had mentioned the absence policy, what stage I was already at and how it can ultimately lead to disciplinary, asked me if it was anything about my actual role that I am not getting on with and kept saying things like ‘even more time off’.

By way of context, I have had zero sick leave since returning from maternity leave and have picked up extra work where I can. Before I had my baby I had been in the same team a few years and I think I was only ever sick once before being pregnant. I try my best to be as reliable as I can, I hate taking time off but these are really stressful extenuating circumstances that would be horrible individually never mind all at once.

What can I do? I work for a large employer with very decent policies on the whole, I am part of a union and have forwarded any correspondence between me and my manager to them so far. I have asked for an occupational health referral. I’m trying to keep a paper trail just in case I need it.

Does anyone have any advice/support of this situation? I can foresee I might need to extend my sick note again and dread having to phone my manager again.

It’s a small team within a much larger organisation, and it’s probably strain on them that I am not there. I feel sick thinking they will all think I am just slacking or can’t be bothered, when actually, I love my job and I’d much prefer to have an ordinary carry on and be at work right now!

OP posts:
Pickmygateplants · 14/04/2026 23:50

Candy24 · 14/04/2026 23:48

That must suck.

Thanks, yes, it has been really difficult to cope with.

Candy24 · 14/04/2026 23:51

Ophir · 14/04/2026 23:50

But nowhere lets you be offsick for three years

Well she must be blessed she doesn't have to worry about that. Maybe in the medical field

Ophir · 14/04/2026 23:51

Pickmygateplants · 14/04/2026 23:50

Thanks, yes, it has been really difficult to cope with.

Are you self employed?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Pickmygateplants · 14/04/2026 23:52

Ophir · 14/04/2026 23:50

But nowhere lets you be offsick for three years

That’s clearly untrue and I doubt I’m the only one

Ophir · 14/04/2026 23:53

Pickmygateplants · 14/04/2026 23:52

That’s clearly untrue and I doubt I’m the only one

So where do you work? Is it private sector?

Dunno why you won’t say

Pickmygateplants · 14/04/2026 23:53

Ophir · 14/04/2026 23:51

Are you self employed?

No, I am employed by a large multinational

Pickmygateplants · 14/04/2026 23:55

Sorry, OP, I didn’t mean to hijack your thread.

Ophir · 14/04/2026 23:56

Pickmygateplants · 14/04/2026 23:53

No, I am employed by a large multinational

You are very fortunate with their policy

Pickmygateplants · 15/04/2026 00:00

Ophir · 14/04/2026 23:56

You are very fortunate with their policy

Glad you think so but I don’t feel very fortunate in being too ill to work for the last three years

Ophir · 15/04/2026 00:04

Pickmygateplants · 15/04/2026 00:00

Glad you think so but I don’t feel very fortunate in being too ill to work for the last three years

yes, but most employers wouldn’t countenance such extended sick leave, so that’s good

Pryceosh1987 · 15/04/2026 00:07

Even if i was working in a restaurant with satan himself nothing would change for me. A good worker is a good worker. A bad worker is a bad worker. I leave the managers to be the judges.

Pickmygateplants · 15/04/2026 00:08

Ophir · 15/04/2026 00:04

yes, but most employers wouldn’t countenance such extended sick leave, so that’s good

I guess so. I get PIP and ESA too so I am fortunate financially

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