Would you judge me if I was your colleague?

[stressystress]

I’m off work long-term (3 weeks in) due to stress and trauma related to serious domestic abuse and ongoing legal matters (divorce, family court, police investigation and forcing a house sale). I’m a single parent to a toddler and I only work part time anyway. I’d only been back at work 6 months from maternity leave before I got signed off. I wasn’t sleeping well or concentrating, and the stress and pressure of everything has been, and is, so much to wade through, all at the same time.

I am really worried my manager thinks I am taking too much time off. I have been off for 3 weeks so far. She knows the context and was very sympathetic to my situation until I went off work. I have just had my fit note renewed and she sounded less than happy through the phone. Within minutes into the call she had mentioned the absence policy, what stage I was already at and how it can ultimately lead to disciplinary, asked me if it was anything about my actual role that I am not getting on with and kept saying things like ‘even more time off’.

By way of context, I have had zero sick leave since returning from maternity leave and have picked up extra work where I can. Before I had my baby I had been in the same team a few years and I think I was only ever sick once before being pregnant. I try my best to be as reliable as I can, I hate taking time off but these are really stressful extenuating circumstances that would be horrible individually never mind all at once.

What can I do? I work for a large employer with very decent policies on the whole, I am part of a union and have forwarded any correspondence between me and my manager to them so far. I have asked for an occupational health referral. I’m trying to keep a paper trail just in case I need it.

Does anyone have any advice/support of this situation? I can foresee I might need to extend my sick note again and dread having to phone my manager again.

It’s a small team within a much larger organisation, and it’s probably strain on them that I am not there. I feel sick thinking they will all think I am just slacking or can’t be bothered, when actually, I love my job and I’d much prefer to have an ordinary carry on and be at work right now!

Maybe!

@Pickmygateplants you must surely realise it’s unusual for a job to be kept open indefinitely. What if you never get better? Do you expect your colleagues to cover until you reach retirement age? I’ve never heard of anyone being off sick for that long from an actual job. I assume they can’t still be paying you?

You have decided to seek the support of your union which is the correct thing to do.

I wouldn’t judge you as such, I would be pissed at the company/management if my workload and health were being put at risk because of your absence though. Everyone has issues they deal with wether open or closed and it is generally unfair to assume someone else has capacity to absorb extra.

Your manager may just not be a great manager or she has to mention the absence process - it comes with the job. If you have down the sickness absence route then this is how she has to deal with it so she doesn’t get in trouble. Speak to your union and check if your employer has specific domestic violence policies and if there is a case for health and safety assessment. Instead of getting off sick (which presumably is paid as usually that causes the issue) can you get a career break, compassionate/special leave/parental leave etc to deal with the situation and then consider a return to work?

I didn’t realise it was unusual. I am still getting paid by my employers income protection insurance policy

After 3 years? No medical confirmation needed and no contact from employer? What industry? Are they hiring?! 😆

Not funny. Trust me, you don’t want to be ill for three years. It has been hell.

I know it’s easier said than done but please please just ignore her. Her opinion isn’t worth your head space.

Just take the time to feel better.

How can you be off work sick for three years? Even the Civil Service manages you out after a year.

It’s not complicated. I’ve been ill for three years.

Sorry if intrusive, physically or mentally? Am nhs and can’t imagine getting this level of benefit!

What difference does that make? I’ve been signed off as not fit for work

Wow 3 years when can employer let you off their service? That sounds intense

It isn’t a holiday

Don’t think it is but 3 years of you not working but still being employed there doesn’t sound feasible long term

For 3 years?? How is that possible from an employment perspective? Do you envisage ever going back?

Because after 3 years of illness most employers would be going down the capability route.

Hopefully. I am definitely better than I was

What does that entail?

Could you work now in some capacity?

Where do you work? Three years?

Unfortunately not. I have been assessed as not capable of any work, let alone my skilled profession atm

Must be a serious illness though.

That must suck.

But nowhere lets you be offsick for three years