For those of you happily married/in a partnership…

[Shoootforthestars]

What nice/loving/thoughtful things does your husband do for you for no reason other than he wants to?

Id be interested to hear what a loving marriage/partnership sounds like as I don’t think I’m in one…

There are small things like bringing me coffee when I’m wfh and picking me up things he knows I like when he does the shopping.

But more than that, nothing is a game or a competition. He’s just nice to me and vice versa.

I’m sorry you don’t feel yours is a happy marriage. Is it bad enough to end the relationship? Would he be receptive to you asking for things to change?

Makes me coffee and tea every day.
Rubs my feet.
Saves stuff he thinks I'll be interested in reading/watching.
Divvies up the chores, school runs, bedtimes etc and offers to take on some of the general household admin when I'm moaning about the 8th annoying thing I have to log into and sort out that day (although that's more about living together happily than 'doing something nice').

Sorry to hear you're not happy. Do you want to share?

Make me coffee or lunch. Ask how I am and how my day is and really listen. Take me out for no reason. Buy me books he thinks I'll enjoy.

(I love how they're all 'brings me caffeine' - someone out there is selling the secret of happy marriages to our men!)

He makes me breakfast (e.g. scrambled eggs on toast) most mornings. He makes me tea/coffee. He cooks dinners (we take turns or do it together). He rubs my back, and kisses me on the cheek, holds my hand when we are watching tv. Has pet names for me. Asks me if I’m ok if I am quiet. He checks in during the day while we are both working. He sometimes buys me lunch (my favourite sandwich from Pret) when he’s in town so I can eat it at home working from home 🥹🫶🏻 I love my husband.

It really is the small things 🩷

I can't really think of reglaur things my husband does. But he just is a "good salt of the earth" sort of guy.

He fills my pill box. Checks that I have eaten. He is a kind, patient, dependable, wonderful person.

He doesn't play games we rarely argue. But we disagree and just say why.

Picks up kids, takes kids to classes etc when it’s my turn. Drops anything off for me when I’ve left it, eg lunch for work, can’t get a taxi on night out.
to be honest there’s not that much that he does that I’ve not already asked him to do, but anything I ask he does, most of the time without whinging.

This really hit home. We have three young children and everything has become a competition of ‘well I do this and you don’t’ or ‘that was your fault’. I’m not a saint, I know I’m guilty of it too, and we both take each other for granted but I can’t remember the last time I felt loved by him.

i just watched a video of this man being asked who his hero is and he said his wife, and I couldn’t ever imagine my husband saying that and it made me sob and sob.

I'm sorry it sounds like you're in a difficult relationship.

I would say the little things my husband does matter most. He is very patient and listens to my ideas and worries, he buys me little things from the shop that he knows I like, he makes me a cup of tea and breakfast every morning he isn't working, he supports me to make sure I have time to myself after having our second baby and I do the same for him. Mostly he makes me feel appreciated by telling me I'm doing a good job with the kids, thanking me for the way I support our family etc

I have 3 young children too and reading this thread trying to imagine being these women.

my husband plays all sorts of games and everything is a competition to him (against me£ even though I’m not playing

It’s not really about things like that and more just us being on the same page about most things and laughing a lot ( even when the kids are being entitled dicks we can shut the door and snigger about their dickishness). Also although we have quite distinct roles neither feels the other one is getting a better deal- we both work hard. We do get on each other’s nerves sometimes but rarely argue.

Brings me cappucino in bed in the morning. He says he loves doing it for me.

But just to respond to other posters, our kids are now teenagers and in the toddler years there was quite a lot of competitive tiredness and feeling like we did more than the other. It’s a tough time. You never really get a break.

• makes me beautiful dinners
• buys lovely presents
• gets me tea and toast on saturdays
• grows veg I like
• sends me nice messages
• comforts me if I’m unhappy

can be desperately grumpy and moody - the only negative - but on balance I (think) know I have a good’un

Brings me a cuppa most mornings.. He's considerate so if I seemed down he would want to know why and help me feel better. He wants me to be happy basically. He would do anything for me. I don't deserve it but that's how he is.

He brushes my hair every night. He reads to me. He does more than his share of the domestic load, including cooking/cleaning/ parenting, because I have longer and harder hours at work and a long commute.

He tells me I'm beautiful every day even though I resemble an uncooked peeled potato. He chooses to spend leisure time with me above anything else. He wants me to be happy because he likes me.

Nothing is a competition because we're on the same team. I'm sorry you don't feel like this in your marriage, OP.

The list would be endless….the wonderful man is quite literally my life. It would not be worth living without him in it. Simple as that. Xx

He always brings me tea in bed and lets me use the shower first. During the day he will keep a constant go low of coffee coming for me. He'll make me the fluffiest scrambled eggs and if there is only one left of something he always offers it to me first. If I ask him to do a job he just does it for me as soon as he can. He takes me out for a breakfast because he knows that is my favourite meal. He texts me during the day if he is away and sends me funny memes or little heart emojis. He does more than his fair share of chores and driving foster DC about.

At a service station on the way home this evening, I went to prets and he went to kfc for dinner. He got me an extra chicken piece cos he knows I like them without asking.

Let’s me sleep in, brings me coffee in bed, random flowers, is the first to offer to take time off work when kids are off school etc, takes the kids out when I need to work, checks on me when he thinks something feels off, takes care of my mother … so many things. Endless.

He listens to me and is always there for a handhold, a hug or to give me advice when I need it.

I woke up today and he’d made a lovely continental spread for breakfast for me and the kids, he’s not interested in the thanks, he just wants to create joy.

He is thoughtful and in tune with my everyday stresses, when I do the school run he’ll empty the dishwasher, make the beds and there’s a fresh pot of coffee made for me. He likes to take the stress away for me.

Nobody is perfect but you deserve a partner where you both admire one another.

We’ve two kids, currently trying for a third.

I wouldn’t say it’s all sunshine and rainbows but we’re each others rocks. It’s in the small things - DS age 3 will wake and I’ll go to get up and he goes ‘I’ve got this’. The kettle never goes on without each of us saying ‘do you want one?’. When I’m off into London of a day (I do two days in the office) my stuff magically appears by the door - headphones, tea etc - as it does for him.

I think we just fundamentally respect each other. It’s hard bloody work atm but we havent stopped treating each other how we’d like to be treated.

Has it always been like this OP, or when did this set in?

Looks after me when I am unwell (or, rarely, hungover). Brings me blankets, drinks etc and tells me he loves doing it. Tells me I’m beautiful (even when I’m clearly looking rough). Supports me in whatever I want to do

He’s just very thoughtful. He doesn’t express his feelings much but he never leaves the house without kissing me goodbye. He brings home my favourite snacks, he calls me at work to see if he can make dinner. He comes to things he doesn’t want to go to with a smile on his face because he knows it makes me happy even though I never make him. He never makes plans or goes out without checking with me first (he absolutely doesn’t need to ask me). He doesn’t get involved in parenting my kids at all, and is completely and utterly respectful of my late husband and his family.

Makes me coffee every morning. Can tell when I’m more tired than usual so will suggest I stay in bed and he does the morning routine.
Actives supports me and participates in my (obnoxiously expensive and time consuming) hobby without complaint.
On the rare occasions I’m ill, he is brilliant, takes over everything with a smile and really looks after me.
Does more than his share of household stuff without being prompted or me having to ask, e.g. cooks dinner most nights and cleans up.
Buys really thoughtful presents for Birthday/Christmas/Anniversary.
I mean he’s not perfect (who is?) and he is utterly incapable of doing a decent supermarket shop or finding anything once it’s been placed in a cupboard….but he’s pretty good.