Will you provide regular childcare for your grandchildren?

[GranparentChildcare]

For those of you that have kids.
Are you going to provide regular child care on a regular basis for your grand children.

I think you’re struggling to understand that not everyone is like you, and that your way isn’t the only way to show love and appreciation. I adore my DM, like, unhealthily so probably for a woman my age! But I absolutely would not be providing care for her….because she doesn’t want me to. She doesn’t want me to see her in a state of undress, or needing feeding, or help going up and down the stairs or in and out of bed. There’s no transactional love, there’s no loss of connection or affection. We express our love in other ways. My DM has beer babysat my children because I don’t want her to have to lift a finger for me after raising three kids herself. Why would I? I want her to enjoy her life, watching daytime soaps and getting up when she wants and eating when and what she wants, going out when and wherever she wants. My children adore her: taught one to knit and crochet, taught one to read, lots of stories of what life was like when she was a child, cooks their favourite foods when they go over, tells them all about how I was a terrible child etc.

You should probably extend people the courtesy of loving their families as much as you do without it looking like your family. Not everyone is like you. You’re not more loving than other people.

I'll definitely try yes depends how able i am when they are toddlers etc
But id certainly like to ease their load unlike mine

Probably but not full time! I’m late 50’s and don’t work. My parents made a huge difference to my kids’ lives when I got divorced when they were young, and are such an important part of it even now the kids are adults. I’d want my grandchildren to have that too, and I have the time to give it.

???? I am ‘retired’ in a way. After several decades in a job working extremely long hours, often double shifts or longer, I ‘retired’ to a desk job where I now work around 50hrs/week but have the flexibility to work around stuff as needed. There’s really not much I can do to use my skills/expertise less than that. If need be, I could likely retire and do contract work, but the reality with the type of work is that, at times, it would need to be concentrated, so if I took on work, that may mean working 60yo’s/week for a few weeks straight, less for a few months, then 60hrs for several weeks again etc. It wouldn’t be a case of working set days 3 days a week 8 hrs/day, just couldn’t work like that.

And no, I have no desire to quit something where I can put decades of experience and skill to the use, to go work in a charity shop 2 days a week.

Something that we have always taught our kids (who are now adults), is that if you physically can work, then you should work, as your contribution to society. So, they don’t find us ‘bonkers’.

@HoppingPavlova no. And you don’t have to work in a charity shop.

But surely looking after a grandchild would be keeping mind active? A 70 year old taking a 4 year old to the museum/ the park/ helping with school collection at 3pm a few afternoons after the day doing what they like, socialising, working on own non paid projects or activities isn’t going to get to the point their brain is being so unused they wither away.

It’s not all or nothing. physically being able to help with grandchild is helping society also.

I provide one full day a week for my eldest daughter - I’ve been doing it for a year now and soon be doing another full day when my second daughter goes back to work . I’ve reduced my own hours so financially I’ll be worse off but I feel it’s my way of helping them as new little families and I am more than happy to do it.
I am late 50s married to the children’s dad / grandad !
exhausting but WONDERFUL ❤️

I had a spinal cord injury when my youngest child was one so I’m not sure my children would ask me to provide regular child care . I imagine I’ll be in my fifties when they have kids but we had amazing help from my parents and would love to help as much as we can - I assume that my husband and I would do it together so bits I’m not able to do easily he could do .

we also have a holiday home so I imagine taking the grandkids to help cover school breaks etc ( again my children had trips with my mum and dad and love it )

I'd have loved to give regular care but my 2 dgs's live but they live 150 miles from me. I did help DD pay towards childcare. I did go down when first eldest dgs had chicken pox then youngest got them 5 days later. It meant both DD and Sil could both continue to work. My adult DS lives 1/2 a mile from me but has no DC. If he had any I'd offer to help 1-2 days a week.

Hope so x

My parents looked after my DS whilst I went back to work. They had him part time as my DH worked shifts. We paid the appropriate hourly rate.

Sadly, it wasn’t a good arrangement. It spoilt the GP/GC relationship completely as they saw this as a job and didn’t want to look after him at any other time. It became all very operational rather than fun, willing and loving. They did what they agreed but nothing else, no sleepovers, no half an hour while I popped out.

None of us wanted to repeat the arrangement when we had a second child.

I’d love to, but my grandchild lives in a different country. I see him as much as possible, and help out where I can for babysitting though.

Yes 100%, I know how incredibly hard it is without.

I'd be happy to, if they live close enough and if I haven't got too old by the time they have dcs. I had dcs quite late so there's a good chance I might just be too old by the time they have dcs. I wouldn't be prepared to travel more than an hour for regular childcare, so if they choose to live further than that then they'd have to rely on paid childcare.

I loved being a sahm with them when they were younger, and won't need to work by the time they'd want to have dcs, so I'd have the time. For me I'd see it as a way of supporting my dc's careers and ambitions, just like we have by supporting their education and hobbies.

Nope. Maybe take them on holiday and maybe in holidays if their parents can't get time off, but nope. I will be fun grandma.

I will help amap. I have really struggled with zero help

You sound as if you are very maternal and who enjoys the company of babies and young children with their relentless needs and energy!

Not everyone does though and having children in my home for 4 days a week every week woukd exhaust and bore me if I’m honest so I’d be the emergency cover and visitor. So much depends on how much you enjoy children

My kids are primary age so not sure it counts, but I will if I can when/if they have kids! Depends on where we all live and health etc (and them having kids off 😂)

No. I don't live near any of them (I don't currently have GC). I have a chronic condition and I'm not fit enough to care for small children.

Unlikely, I'll probably still be working.
Maybe great-grandchildren.

Absolutely. If my children live near enough to me then I will help as much as possible. In fact, I would even move after retirement to be closer to my kids so that I could help with childcare, if they wanted me to. It takes a village, and I want to be part of my kids’.

My daughters have two sets of grandparents who each live just a 5 minute drive away; one much more hands on/involved/interested than the other. I see the wonderful, close, loving relationship they have with my parents, who have always helped with childcare. They always beg to go visit them, are always delighted to see them etc. My in laws have always taken a much more hands off/ we’ve-done-our-time approach. We make the effort to visit most weekends (although it always needs to be on their terms - if they were planning to go for a walk for example, they wouldn’t move it an hour later to accommodate a visit from us) but we really struggle nowadays to coax the kids into the car to go and visit them, as they just don’t have that relationship. It’s a chore rather than a delight.

Both approaches are fine I suppose. My in laws have no obligation to provide any support. But I know what kind of grandparent I want to be, and what kind of relationship I want to have with my grandchildren, and you don’t get there by being hands off. I also know how hard parenting, particularly of very young children is, and I hate to think of my kids struggling through that alone when I could be there to support them. I fully intend on being there for my kids in every way I possibly can until the day I die.

Yes. Absolutely. We had a nanny but my wonderful Granny looked after us if parents were out for an evening and sometimes during school holidays. She lived near our primary school and as a treat, she collected us from school every so often. Those were the best days of my childhood. A whole afternoon at Granny’s! My Mum is a great help with her GC who live nearby (alas, we are far away) and they adore her as we did our Granny. A loving GP is a treasure.

I would like to think we would but it would be school holiday time as we do not go on holiday then. We have recently retired and had 6 weeks on holiday last year. This year it will be at least 12 weeks.

Yes. My parents were older when they had me and help as much as they can but that's less now. The other grandparents haven't really helped ever in an entire decade. My husband and I will help all we can.

No. Im having dgc for part of summer holiday and often do some holiday care but I don’t provide regular care.

I’ll likely still be working full time when grandchildren start to arrive so I doubt I’ll be in a situation to provide childcare for work. However I absolutely hope I will be able to babysit regularly so my dc can maintain their adult relationships and I can spend time with my future grandchildren.