Will you provide regular childcare for your grandchildren?

[GranparentChildcare]

For those of you that have kids.
Are you going to provide regular child care on a regular basis for your grand children.

Absolutely, I don’t think I could see my DDs struggle with anything if it was within my power to help them. My youngest was born when I was 27 so I should hopefully be young and fit enough to help. I also should be ok finance wise to drop days as I’ve managed to work full time throughout due to the amount of family help MIL and my Dad have provided to all their Grandchildren.

Mine are young so it's not something I'll have to think about for a decade and beyond (I hope) but youngest has SEN and is unlikely to ever live independently. I'm always going to be her carer so on that basis, no I don't think I'll ever be able to commit to regular childcare. Plus I'm going to need to work for the next 20 years!!

However as someone who has benefited from family childcare I'd love to be able pay it forwards it some way.

My inlaws have provided regular although PT childcare since they retired a decade ago. It's the only way I'd have been able to go back to work. They've had DC2 and DC3 x3 days per week until preschool age and I'm eternally grateful. They live close by and we've always made sure they are comfortable and not obligated and we cover school holidays etc between us. DP is self employed so he can have several weeks between jobs and he of course does childcare then.

The needs of my youngest are like to increase as she gets older hence my blanket "no" but that's the only reason.

I would absolutely love to, but preferably not more than a day per week per child (potential for three sets of grandchildren, so max three days a week) and better still if a bit less than that. And I’m saying that aged 56 - by the time I have any I might be in my 70s and it will definitely be a lot harder. I do think about it a lot though and the thought of it makes me very happy.

No grandchildren yet, but assuming the same physical distance as exists now, then baby-sitting, yes, but daycare I'll throw money at it.

No not regular.
I would definitely help out a lot, if needed but I dont want to be tied to someone else's schedule.
I like to go away a lot, I have hobbies, I work part time, I like seeing my friends in the week, most are retired now.
I think a balance is fair.

Absolutely, yes if we're fortunate to have gc. Ds loves children so hopefully.

I wouldn’t be willing to do a set day/days every week other than some help during school holidays. I’d offer to have them for a sleepover sometimes, take them on days out, some babysitting but not a set in stone X night every week kind of thing. I’d be fine with being backup for eg sick days, inset days, that sort of thing, assuming of course I’m retired.

This is what my parents did for us, we appreciated it very much and really wouldn’t have expected them to do more. I do think for some people GP support equals committing to regular, long term, free childcare and nothing else will do.

Not sure. I may still be working when grandchildren come along.
Being expected to commit to set days every week probably wouldn't work for me, I'd end up feeling like my free time wasn't my own, everything would have to be planned around my days with the grandchildren, no spontaneity.
If there was room for flexibility, yes I'd help out regularly. But I wouldn't put myself in a position where I couldn't go on a holiday or trip I wanted to book because I had to be available for grandchildren. Hopefully that makes sense.

I’ve been told by DIL that I won’t be expected to. She prefers to have the baby in a nursery. I will still be working, anyway while they plan to have little ones.

Because money is all that is needed for a meaningful relationship, especially for children.

But why perpetuate something like that though? Just because it happened that you didn't have your grandparents around, you won't be a present grandparent to your grandkids?

Also, people who say "I had zero help and struggled and it was hard, so I won't help my own children either" sound pretty bitter and childish.

Calling her ‘bitter and childish’ is really over the top.

I don’t think the PP was saying that she won’t provide childcare simply because she didn’t have it herself.

Yep, if you re-read my comment, the first part was about the quoted PP, the 2nd was about those who say because they didn't get help, they won't provide it either (not directed at the quoted PP).

If DS waits to be a parent as long as us, I'll be 90 -- or dead!!

I wasn’t raised by others and neither were my own DC.
I look after my grandchildren 1 day a week because I’m retired and it means I see them on a regular basis.My DD is grateful for our help but also totally understands that she needs alternative care when we want to go on holiday.I don’t mind giving up one day a week but I’m certainly not giving up holidays.

No.

We have offered back up care at anytime we are around. We would never see them stuck.

After 39 years in education, my contract is unbroken from when I started as a newly qualified teacher, I have been a headteacher and senior education advisory staff for an LA.

I have ‘done my bit’, often working 12 hour days. I can’t offer childcare around my job and when I retire I want the freedom to travel.

Therefore I/we can’t be relied on for childcare.

(we would/will babysit, have sleepovers, days out etc, normal GP stuff, just not the commitment of childcare whilst the adults work).

If I’m lucky enough to have gc then yes I will. I have one teen dd and she tells me she wants kids. I would agree to do around 2 days a week as I’ll either still be working or retired and I want to spend time doing a range of hobbies and travelling.

We don’t have any regular help with childcare. If my DCs have children then I’ll offer to look after them one day a week, plus ad hoc babysitting. I want to enjoy my retirement but I also know how hard it is without support so I think that would be a nice offer for us all.

When needed we will happily pay for carers to come in and see after us - we won't insist that our dcs life revolves around our care - there should still be a wee bit of money left over for their inheritance. We currently care for MIL at the moment - and she didn't see after any grandchildren, when she babysat - the dcs had to be in bed sleeping before we left them.

Your comment isn’t the only one where you’ve implied care in old age/child care has been ‘insisted’ upon. Or guilt tripped into. That’s not the case at all, neither is it expected. It’s just that it’s what we want to do. I don’t want to leave the care of my mum and dad to strangers in a care home, the same way they wouldn’t want my child to be cared for by someone in a nursery. Its the same with caring for each others pets when they or we go on holiday or for a weekend away! We look after each other. Not insisted on or expected. Just is.

Well, it will probably be another 30 years and I'm already 37, but I'd like to, yes.

Even if it's just a fixed 2h slot at the weekend to let them go do chores or the gym etc.

I work full time with young children. In addition to this I mind my GD for about 20hrs a week and have been doing for 5 years now. I’m in my late 50s. I love spending time with her though I’ll admit that I’m regularly very tired as I get very little time to myself. My DD wouldn’t be able to work with my support

yes if I’m fit enough and able to have that privilege. My parents did lots of my childcare and I was eternally grateful for that. I also think children’s relationships with their grandparents is important and something to be nurtured

No, as we believe in working until you can’t work any longer. That would mean physical or mental incapacitation. I really can’t imagine our kids would want us to mind kids if we are physically/mentally incapacitated 😳.

ETA - it wouldn’t really be feasible to mind kids on weekends if working Mon-Fri as we’d need that time for shopping, housekeeping, life andmin etc. I’d hope that we could have a few hours on weekends, but that would be with our child as well, not sole care of grandkids, two birds, one stone and all of that.

@HoppingPavlova - that’s bonkers. Do you really think you will waste away if you don’t work 10hr days, 5 days a week forever?
Couldnt you still use your brain doing other stuff?

My dh isn’t working today, but he’s still writing a new code for a new app ‘for fun’ in the garden atm, whilst keeping an eye on Ds in the sandpit. Neither of us work 5 day full time weeks and we aren’t 40 yet.