Will you provide regular childcare for your grandchildren?

[GranparentChildcare]

For those of you that have kids.
Are you going to provide regular child care on a regular basis for your grand children.

No, I won’t be alive by then.

No. Not under any circumstances. We will happily help occasionally. Do overnights if needed. But regular, not a chance. If the parents die we’d be a back up. But not the main carers I’d think. DH is better at it than me but I did 9 years of broken nights and I’m not sure I’ll ever recover.

I had my kids at 21, 23, 27 and 32. I suppose I could end up with lots of grandchildren but these days maybe not!

I would love to look after DGC where possibly but would only commit to one day a week plus overnights / emergencies etc. Anything more than one day isn’t sustainable imo. I’ll be young enough where it wouldn’t be too draining I’d imagine. Well unless the youngest has them in their 40s!

Of course all depends on where they live. I’d love a close relationship though.

Haha, I only had the one dc so not at all tired of parenting... unlike my poor namesake!

People are of course free to do whatever they want to do, but I guess I just don't see a conflict between grandparents helping out on a regular basis and having "their own lives" - I'm certainly not suggesting that they should be providing childcare all day, every day, or that they should never be allowed a holiday etc, so they should have plenty of time for other things. But my dc - and any future grandchildren - will always be a big part of "my own life" and I wouldn't want it any other way.

As a parent, I never had any expectation of regular help from my parents as it simply hadn't occurred to me that this would be possible - we didn't live near enough for a start. However, once dd was born, they were completely besotted and chose to move much closer to us so that they could have more time with her. They picked her up from school twice a week, fed her and drove her to her extracurricular activities. I saw how much pleasure and joy they gained from the relationship and I saw how the strength of their early bond carried through as they - and she - got older. I guess I can't really understand why anyone wouldn't want that if everything else aligned.

I've spent a lot of time around older people lately, for various reasons, and I see the tremendous difference that really strong family bonds make in those later years. Those bonds don't just happen by accident - they happen as the result of ongoing investment in relationships over an extended period of time. I honestly can't think of anything that I might want to be doing in my later years that could possibly be more important than supporting and spending time with the people I love. Not to the exclusion of other interests and priorities, of course, but certainly as a key feature.

Perhaps people's views on this depend on how they have experienced parenting? I have always loved being a mum, and haven't found that it has prevented me from living a full life of my own - I've had a rewarding and successful career, I've studied, I've volunteered, I've travelled, I've pursued my own interests. I have a happy marriage and strong friendships etc. I've always felt that I've had my own life while being a parent, so can't see why I couldn't do the same while being an involved and helpful grandparent?

Yes hopefully if I’m well and working partime by then I will offer to help. It’s what my mother did for me and that helped enormously in the early days.

My experience of seeing grandparents providing childcare is quite different, so maybe that is what is making me reluctant. The ones I see have no lives of their own.

They must love you.

Probably one day a week pre school (because it's what my mum did and her mum, so I'd feel I should pay it forward).

BUT! I had my daughter at 40 so depends how long she waits. If she waits as long as me it might not be practical.

Yes. Hopefully. A day or two per week.

No - now and again sure but regularly not a chance.
I was a single Mum up until DS was 12 and he went to nursery from 3months - 4 years then I paid for after school care, I was self-employed and very lucky I could arrange work around him, if I went out I paid for a sitter ( who had worked in the nursery when DS was tiny).
DH on the other hand keeps saying when we have GC they can be here all of the time!

Not regular, no.

Occasional babysitting so they can go out and emergency childcare for work, yes.

Yes, definitely if I can. Not 5 days a week because I believe we'd need time for ourselves too but regular care a few times a week definitely.

Emergencies or appointments only here. I have nine grandchildren from four dc. It caused friction when I cared for eldest two and then couldn’t provide the same for subsequent babies. So I had to knock it in the head.

I do, and have done for four years now. I do two regular days a week (while working part time) and now, I've just left my job and having a couple of months to recharge before hopefully becoming self employed so I'm even more flexible.
I also cover emergencies, the occasional night out and some holiday care.

I won't lie, it's very tiring especially now there is a second baby. BUT the grandkids love me, love my dh and I've made new friends and met lots of people by going to baby groups, toddler sessions etc. My home really is their second home. It also enables my DD to have a good career and keep their heads above water financially.
I had no help when my (four!) were small and dh was in the Armed Forces and it was tough, so I am glad I can help while I'm still able.

Caring for my grandchildren isn’t a ‘job’.

I don't have any yet (also not likely for a good few years) but if I am fit and well enough I would love to - maybe a day or two a week, but not all week!

Actually in an ideal world I would love it if Ds stayed living at home in future with own family. We have the space and home can be arranged as two separate residences.

So we would be around early mornings sometimes if they needed the off early drop to nursery, or can help with baby or afternoon care when older. Multi generational living is very common where we live and many older grandchildren then make own way home and it’s nice they have someone around even when they are old enough to be independent a few hours.

We have had zero help with Ds, so I would like to be able to help if they need or want.

Well, I would agree that that doesn't sound healthy, but it's outside my experience - I literally don't know any grandparents in this situation.

Inevitably, our views are shaped by what we see around us. But personally, I believe that it's possible to find a balanced approach which strikes a reasonable balance. And that's what I personally will be aiming for!

No. And I've told my adult DC this many many times.

I was 58 when my first grandchild was born. Right from the moment I found out, I offered to look after him 1 day a week. I’ve looked after all my grandchildren for 1 day a week since then and still look after them at least 1 day a week during the school holidays. I also do the odd school pick up. I do it because I want to, because it ensures I see my DGC regularly, because it helps my DC out financially and most importantly because I love my grandchildren.
My own mother never looked after my children on a regular basis as she didn’t live nearby. My father looked after all his grandchildren once they were past the toddler stage. He was their own personal Uber driver once they started going out as older teens 😂

I am S Asian. 😀 Hence...
My balanced approach will be babysitting for any date nights or trips away- could be as often as once a week- and all emergency care.
But it very much looks like my kids will be too far away.

No way. I’ve done my time. DS has autism and says he’s asexual so I probably won’t have to worry about that anyway

Yes, I’ll certainly be offering. Not only so they can work but so they can relax/recharge as well. I’m determined to do what we never had. We had to just manage and pay for extortionate childcare. There were never offers to give us a break.

It's not likely as dcs are not planning any kids ( 2 in mid 30s and 1 mid 20s) which is fine by me. But no, if they do. I'm done child raising and this is my time.

Absolutely not, but I would provide emergency childcare and babysitting, as someone who was a single parent (all GPS dead and father of dc useless and later died when dc was still at primary), babysitting and emergencies would have been brilliant, regular childcare, I managed that fine.