I don't understand how people can give up their career and be a stay at home parent ?

[lolstevelol]

You risk losing career progression, especially as jobs change so rapidly due to technology. The role you were doing a few years ago might look completely different today. Securing a stable office job is much harder now than it used to be.

You also miss out on pension contributions, which is a significant factor. Losing 5–10 years of contributions and compounding can be the difference between retiring at 58 and having to work until or beyond the state pension age.

Generally speaking, supporting a family on a single income while working can be more stressful than being a stay-at-home parent. Even when the job itself is manageable, workplace environments can be toxic, which can create tension and resentment between the working parent and the stay-at-home parent.

It wouldn't be for me as I'm not keen on housework, cooking or being around babies and small children. But some folk enjoy these things so it's probably a good way of life for them.

Money is not everything. Quality of life is very important and being around for your kids too. We live in a very materialistic world!

I know exactly who you mean. The parents who never manage to come to the school assembly or sports day. My own Mum was one and she regrets it now as we don't have a great relationship. Obviously there's more to it than that but her obsession with work was a big part of it.

To be fair, OP never said it was. Your health is your wealth. Only a fool would think otherwise.
OP, from my reading of their post, is possibly questioning how people can afford to live on one wage/benefits today given the cost of living and wonders if parents “living in the moment” consider the future. As another poster said, each to their own and thats so true. I personally couldn’t give a monkeys what others do or choices they make. It has absolutely nothing to do with me.
But I do believe that money gives you choices and, in lots of cases, if you choose not to earn money, then you do not have those choices. Obviously, there are many exceptions to this and it may not be feasible for mums of children with additional needs. But I think OP was asking, as a general rule of thumb, how so many mums can decide not to work and then wonder when at age 60 they don’t have money….

No, I was being factual. I don’t do goady. She didn’t want children in reality. It was her choice of course, but she has only “returned” to motherhood because of a career sabbatical and is surprised her child isn’t interested. Didn’t attend a single parents evening, school play, nothing because her job was more important and she was very vocal about that. There is always room for balance. If you saw my previous post, I was forced to give up work because of the needs of my youngest child. My eldest child did not have me at home full time because I had to work, however, my job was never put before her needs or important events where she needed her mum present. Also I have never made anybody feel bad about their choices even if I think they are wrong. That was my opinion but I kept it to myself.

Really you should reconsider having children if you plan not to make any sacrifices for them, if you are that career focussed, that should be enough.

Please can you write this on pretty much every thread on this website? 😂 So so SO many posters who are completely bamboozled by the fact that anyone could have a different opinion/drive to them. Makes me a bit of a hypocrite to be fair though as I struggle to understand how they can't understand that people are different....

I work full time always have except 12 months on mat leave. I’m an office manager. I don’t want to progress. I’m happy as I am. You’re assuming that everyone gives a shit about having a ‘career’. I don’t have to work but I choose to so we can have nice holidays and I can buy fancy clothes and makeup! Not to progress up a career ladder that won’t make a blind bit of difference when I’m on my death bed.

My husband and I are very fortunate that we havnt ever had to pay childcare. Our son has been looked after by our parents. Not everyone is that fortunate so can you not see one reason why it might be more beneficial for one parent to stay home as opposed to forking out for childcare?

Because you also don't get time back with your little ones. I went back to work because I need to feel financially secure, but I resented every minute of it! Just want to be at home with my babies, and I felt guilty for leaving them. I would have a daily debate with myself asking if it's really worth it.

I don't know I hear so many people say
"I miss the adult company"
Something I don't understand as my job is v lonely and I sometimes don't see a friendly face all day. I heard a mum say that recently after a holiday with her husband and 2 kids to Barbados. I can only assume these workplaces most be utopian, not comparable with NHS life anyway.

Id have loved to be a SAHM, I'd probably have volunteered at one of the toddler groups or something like that. I'm just fortunate that I can work part time so I do get to spend more time with my kids than a lot of working parents.

If my husband earned more I would definitely quit and be a stay at home mum! The stress d constant grind and lack of time are constant worries I would give up if I was financially able to.

@lolstevelolthis question would be more valid if there were more affordable childcare options for all
children including SEN. As pp said we need all typea of jobs and usually the minimum wage type jobs are not careers.

If you are not in a career with progression, would you really pay for someome else to look after your kids so you can work just to break even?

However, I feel that everyone having kids should be able to afford them (yes some people may only be able to afford due to benefits and as they have to be assessed to receive the benefits I don’t begrudge them)

Same here and that scuppered my career progression. I re-trained and run a successful business now whilst being very available for my kids. Everyone has different ways of tackling life. I absolutely admire mums who work FT jobs and have kids - everyone makes different sacrifices.

This was the case in our household. I was quite happy at my level at work, wasn't chasing management or senior roles in the company. No desire to be top of the ladder. After having DS we worked out that if I went back to work full time it would basically mean taking home £500 a month after paying childcare (plus the pension benefits which are not to be sniffed at). I appreciate £500 extra in the bank per month isn't a small amount of money, but when faced with the idea of rushing around 5 days a week, my son being in childcare from 8-6, plus multiple times a year I'd need to travel etc....for £500 a month. It didn't seem worth it when compared with not rushing around 5 days a week, spending days at the park/museums/beach etc.

I do worry about my pension and what will happen when it's time to go back to work though, a lot tbh. Other than on mat leave I've mostly worked pt rather than being a fully SAHM, but it's still taken a dent.

Some women have very poorly babies/children which necessitate regular hospital stays/complex needs.
Some women have birth injuries that mean constant pain/disabilities.
Some women don't earn enough to make paid childcare viable.
Not that hard to understand, surely?

I did two years as a SAHM and have done 15 years as a full time working parent.

Although I was bored stupid and couldn't wait to get back to work, I can well understand why many people choose to be SAHP.

If they can afford it and trust their spouses enough to risk it, good for them. People should have choice in how they run their lives. Being a corporate cog isn't a reason for living.

I would love to be a stay at home mum. I’ve got a successful career but I’ve never felt more ‘me’ or fulfilled as when I became a parent. Every day i can focus on mindful and proactive parenting for my child helps them become a happy and well adjusted person. Work and money just don’t feel important compared to that, but that’s my experience. Everyone has their own perspective

What did you retrain as?

I don't have children (by choice), but if I did, and as long as I could afford it, I would have become a SAHP in a shot. Some of us aren't interested in careers or money - what a surprise.

You must have a very narrow worldview!

Surprised you’re educated enough to be in work, if you can’t understand everyone is different. (I’m a working mum)

@BoldNavySloth @tnorfotkcab I had a childhood friend like this mum was successful and had her own business. She was inspirational and I have actually thanked her recently for being so.
However...the flip side was they were awash with materialism my friend was always telling me what her DM was earning and buying next and used to show off about various things like a holidays and weekly restaurant.
Mum was also out by 6/7am and was working late at home and we were told not to disturb her.
There was a nanny for all pick ups and meals and cleaning .
When she was about 20 the mum lost it all becusee of some frankly rookie accounting errors.
One wonders what benefit she actually brought ...they had horses ,ok holidays ...some nice cars ?
Her releroknsip with her DC is also very strained now and she's had very difficult housing issues and has ended up in a very modest house.

I do feel people get stuck on a sort of hamster wheel chasing after material things .
I was told by NCT mum she had to get back to work to afford all the nice things she wanted like the new then boiling water tap and stuff. She was obsessed by it all and spoke about it extremely seriously !!
Luckily DH and I are not materialist at all.
We like really nice things but don't strive for them or get them reduced second hand etc.

We also live in a very modest three bed house.

I’d rather look after my own very young children thank you and it’s definitely their preference too!

odd that working mums are viewed as ‘putting careers before kids’ and not raising children themselves. Are the SAHMs holding their other half’s to this standard as well. Me and husband both work 4 days, bring in high salaries and absolutely are raising children ourselves. Providing food, shelter and money to raise them and give them the best opportunities is 100% the role of a parent. Being a SAHM is not for me but I don’t judge anyone that is one.