I don't understand how people can give up their career and be a stay at home parent ?

[lolstevelol]

You risk losing career progression, especially as jobs change so rapidly due to technology. The role you were doing a few years ago might look completely different today. Securing a stable office job is much harder now than it used to be.

You also miss out on pension contributions, which is a significant factor. Losing 5–10 years of contributions and compounding can be the difference between retiring at 58 and having to work until or beyond the state pension age.

Generally speaking, supporting a family on a single income while working can be more stressful than being a stay-at-home parent. Even when the job itself is manageable, workplace environments can be toxic, which can create tension and resentment between the working parent and the stay-at-home parent.

Each to their own. You could also argue why have children if you’re going to leave them with the nanny while mum and dad crack on with their high flying careers? But we are all different and our circumstances are different. I worked part time ( 3 days) for 12 years after my first was born 13 years ago and I missed out on lots of opportunities but I didn’t not miss out on my children growing up. I consider myself lucky to have been able to do that and have no regrets. I started working FT 2 years ago and am now dropping my hours to 4 days a week and cannot wait. I currently give 100% to my job and the sacrifice is my family and I hate that. My yougest is still primary age and my kids near more of me than I can give. So for me I totally get SAHP.

I worked full time and built my career up whilst raising two children. When I had my third at 37 i decided I wanted a bit of an easier time so reduced to 3 days. My youngest is disabled, we tried childcare and it wasn’t feasible , we couldn’t afford a nanny either. Plus my mum and grandad were both terminally ill and needed support. I gave up work to give my son, mum and grandad what they needed. Financially it made sense too as dh earns more than me plus it was my extended family that needed support.
After my grandad and mum died and DS was at school I went back to work part time. I’ve since developed health issues too and work 1.5 days a week. I’m can’t do anymore due to mine and DS needs.
Not everyone has a choice but even those who do, it’s their life. Work/career isn’t the best all and end all for everyone.

Interesting to see that OP hasn't come back to the thread.

Personally, I loved being at home with my kids, and I didn't have a 'career', just a job without much prospect for advancement, so I'd have been working just to pay for nursery costs, really.

Being at home all the time, especially while they were younger, meant that I had so much more time and energy for them than I otherwise would have. I got to really enjoy spending time with them all day, accompanying them to kindy, playing games and doing activities, reading books, visiting their grandparents etc, and then still had plenty of energy left over to spend time with my DH or do my own things. That would've been impossible if I had been working.

I could say the opposite to the OP - that I don't understand why people would have kids just to put them in nursery all day - except I understand that people's circumstances are different, people's natures are different, and that there are pros and cons to every choice we make as parents.

I gave up my well paid in demand career after my second child thinking that it would’ve easy for me to pick up another job a few years later.
This was 22 years ago and even then my work place changed significantly.
I was really lucky and managed to return to my industry, but even 20 years ago having time out to be a stay at home parent was difficult to return to a well paid career.

Meh, all of the above is true. But I've always hated working and love being with my kids. If it makes me slightly worse off in retirement that's a compromise I'm willing to make. Tbh the youngest is starting school in September and I'm not convinced I'm going to go back to work. DH makes several times more than I ever did, we continue to contribute to a personal pension for me, our joint savings are in my name as it's more tax efficient and makes me less vulnerable, same for lots of our investments. It's true if our relationship broke down I'd have to go back in to my career at a lower level, but fundamentally I don't see the point in living a life I don't enjoy now (with us both working) just to mitigate the risk that I might have to do that in future.

depending on what your role would be why slave away in an office etc for management to then say oh thanks for all the hours but here your redundant

Some jobs don’t have that progression. I could walk straight back into my role tomorrow despite having 2 years off.

You need to get out more then and widen your circle.

I work FT with 3 kids but have friends with all means and manner of situations- SAHP/PT/FT/Self employed etc etc.

I ‘understand’ why that’s their situation in each case.

I've been in my career almost twenty years and am almost certain I am going to leave it for good after my next maternity leave. I already have children and the constant stress of having to deal with pre-school age children, childcare and a job is too much for me, even though I only work part time. Screw the progression. I want to be at home and snuggle my babies, and when they are all in secondary I will go and be useful to society again.

Each to their own. I had a few years out when my 3 kids were babies/preschool age and I am so pleased I did.

Now they are teens/young adults I can’t believe how quickly the time went. Yes, I would be wealthier/more successful in career terms had I not done this, and could probably retire earlier. BUT, they are only tiny kids once. You don’t get those years back. Equally, I could be diagnosed with cancer/hit by a bus tomorrow.

It’s a platitude but it’s true - no-one does wishing they’d spend more hours in the office!

Another journalist on a fishing expedition, then.

I don’t understand how anyone could prioritise their career over their children..I left a successful career to be a SAHM for the first couple of years, then went part-time in a completely different (and dead-end) job, (although I love it), so that I could spent the years I knew I’d never get back with my child. I get to pick him up from school every day and read him bedtime stories every night. We may never be loaded but we get by. I’d take the close, loving relationship we have and the time I get to spend with him over a successful career and lots of money any day

I adored having 9 years at home with dc. We kept my pension going and I did not miss my boring job and the commute.
I did so much fun stuff with the dc and volunteered a bit once they were at school. I’ve done every school run, sports day, plays, helping on trips through primary school. I had no problems when they were off school sick either.
I totally respect that not everyone can or would want this. But for us it was great.

Wishing you’d spent more time with family is in the top 5 most common deathbed regrets. Wishing you’d earned more money or worked harder is not. Says it all really

What would you do if you had a disabled child that needed round the clock care?
Staying at home isn’t always by choice you know.

OP do you have children?

I mean I’m not a stay at home
parent but wish I could be because raising my own child in their first years is worth more than any job could ever give me. However it wasn’t under my control and I retuned when she was 10 months. Went part time at 3 years old and will remain part time until I find a comfortable way for my child to still have me at school drop offs and pick ups

I had 5 years off from work when our children were small. I gave them my all and enjoyed it so much. I returned to my career and did not feel at all held back by my time out. I had no desire to rise to the top of my profession because it involved moving into management when my choice was to work on the ground where I could make a difference.
We felt that one of us needed to be at home to be the prime influence on our children during those first formative years... to have our values as the ambience of their young lives ... and to provide them with security.

As a teacher I earned the most. We'd have struggled on one wage and my kids would have had the life I went to uni to escape from.

I also need constant stimulation and novelty. I could not have got that from small children. There was never any question that I would be a sahp. I'd have turned to gin or amphetamines at home.

Dc are teens now and have no discernible ill effects.

I’ve been a sahm for 10 years now and no intention of going back. None of the things you’ve listed motivate me.

Nobody ever said on their death bed they wish they’d spent more time at the office.

You say you don't understand why anyone would be a SAHP. You also say being a SAHP is easier than working away from home because workplaces are so toxic. Honestly you just sound resentful and like you have no idea how intensely hard being a SAHP to very small children is.
I stayed home because

• my salary would barely have covered childcare
• I felt better knowing nobody but me was caring for him when he was at his most vulnerable/preverbal, for safety and also to raise him with my values.
• I wanted to spend those brief, precious years with my child. No regrets.

Because working, for most people, is a load of shite and all about enriching billionaires to earn (in comparison) a pittance?

If you can afford not to work for whatever reason, I believe you shouldn't. Spend your time nurturing your family and friends. Grow your own food. Volunteer. There are far better ways to spend your time in this life.

This. If you’re fortunate to have the option, for some, it’s really nice to have extended time at home bringing up children. Each to their own. I can’t be arsed with this judgement. It’s nobody’s business really what other families do.

Well. I would have gone back to work after second child was born but their additional needs are such it’s impossible to get child care for them. Made it impossible to go back to work after maternity leave as planned, sadly.