I don't understand how people can give up their career and be a stay at home parent ?

[lolstevelol]

You risk losing career progression, especially as jobs change so rapidly due to technology. The role you were doing a few years ago might look completely different today. Securing a stable office job is much harder now than it used to be.

You also miss out on pension contributions, which is a significant factor. Losing 5–10 years of contributions and compounding can be the difference between retiring at 58 and having to work until or beyond the state pension age.

Generally speaking, supporting a family on a single income while working can be more stressful than being a stay-at-home parent. Even when the job itself is manageable, workplace environments can be toxic, which can create tension and resentment between the working parent and the stay-at-home parent.

Lots of people can’t retire at 58. Pension age is 67 now for women, that’s quite a stretch.

It's not the choice I made, but I have a career, if I worked in a minimum wage job I wasn't passionate about i can see why you might not worry about stepping back for a few years

Maybe because we have children that we want to raise ourselves and it's more important than a job and boss who couldn't give a tiny shit about you....

I always enjoyed going to work but not everyone does so would not judge anybody else, as long as they can afford to stay at home. It's not likely to be forever, most do return to work once the kids are at school.

Truthfully as someone who works full time hours with two young kids, at this point in time I’d love to be a SAHM as whatever this is, is a shitshow. Not doing either very well tbh, if my OH earned enough or we suddenly came into a large sum of money, I’d quit in an instance. My benefits are also crazy good even by financial services standards - but if we had enough money to make my pension contributions and take out private healthcare then, yep screw the career. AI will be able to do my job in 10 years so realistically I probably just need to hold out and take the redundancy. Then no more working for me!

Two kids usually means 3/7 years out

Blink of an eye jn a life time of work and yet crucial early development years for your child.

Parents should aim to spend as much time as possible with small babies /children.
For whatever reasons ( of which there are plenty ) .childcare should always be the last option.

Because pension contributions and money are not everything. You could die tomorrow. Being present with your children, enjoying them and living your best years means so much more than making money. I will happily work an extra 5 years when I am old and grey because the greatest thing in my life is my children. When I am 80 I won't regret spending time with my kids and I will forever cherish and relish in these memories.

I hate this. I don't come at you for your choices, but you insinuate I don't raise my child because I work full time. Actually I do.
I have a family member who says this about working mothers yet palms her children off to whoever will have them constantly.

Never wanted to become a SAHM. Had to in order to care for disabled dc.

Left a great career of 18 years with lots of prospects, reasonable pay, good pension. I hadn't fulfilled all of the ambitions I had and I miss my colleagues.

My husband now pays into a pension for me. I use some of my carers allowance for my pension too. Husband has a good job & pension. He & I will, god willing, live off them in our old age. He is a good man and he sees what I do as "work" (albeit unpaid and undervalued) and he recognises that he wouldn't be able to do what he does if I wasn't here doing what I do. We are a good team and love each other very much.

I found that the more I accepted the status quo, the happier I became, instead of railing against the unfairness of it all. I found validation outside of the workplace and I highly value the wisdom I have gained from the way my life has turned out. We no longer care about other what other people think-they haven't walked our path.

🤷‍♀️

I think you’re assuming everyone has a career op, and many people have jobs, which is very different,

I didn’t do it, because for me it was about rhe longer term projection, rather than just early years, so the financial stability, role modelling work ethic, not having gender typical roles, not being financially reliant etc, but I understand others feel differently,

I gave up work for 5 years when my children were small- absolutely loved it. I had a successful career before and I was able to return to it afterwards. Stress on my husband was reduced because we have plenty of money but are in careers demanding very long hours- not having to rush home to relieve a nanny made his life 10x easier.

I hate these posts that seem designed to pit SAHPs and working parents against each other. IRL I have friends who do both and nobody judges anyone or feels superior- people just get on with it and recognise that we’re all doing our best in our particular circumstances.

I had no choice, I couldn’t do hospital shifts while DH was away 7-10 days at a time.
Im glad I had that time with my kids, there’s so much more to life than work.

The phrase different horses for different courses springs to mind OP!

Everyone is different and people make choices on what suits their family set up. Thats different depending on the family.

I work FT that's my choice, I out earn my DH it's what works for our family. DH works PT.

Nobody should be judged for making their own decisions which work for their family either way!

I could never be happy living on someone else’s earnings, marriage or not. I was brought up to value my financial independence as essential to my freedom.

You don’t understand? Ok let me tell you my situation. I had to give up work because my child was disabled. I previously had a well paid City career and had worked since I was 15. I had him at 42 with not a clue of what was to come. Then my husband left me. My son was 2. I was only able to get back to work two years ago. My son is now 15. I work locally for minimum wage with a child with complex needs. Yes I’ve lost my career, progression, paying into a pension. Do I regret it? Not for a second. It was the right thing for my child and he had thrived because I was able to be there for him through some very difficult years. You do you.

Sometimes it’s not a choice you know. I was massively career driven, rising up the ranks in my chosen finance profession. I returned from second lot of mat leave and shortly after that my one year old started to get very poorly, I was called multiple times a week from nursery asking to collect him early. It was not manageable and I was failing my job and my child. It turned out he had cancer and needed 6 months inpatient stay on an oncology ward. That finished and he was immunocompromised for ages (unable to safely access nursery) and then he had massive developmental delay and ended up on autism pathway. Multiple appointments and broken sleep for years and near impossible for me to pick up my career where I left off.

I worked part time, two days when my children were in primary school upping to every day school hours when they were in secondary school. I think more parents would look back wishing that they hadn’t spent as much time in the office than those wishing they had spent less time with their children.

People work because they want to or they have to. Some mums see work as an escape, some see it as a massive logistical headache. My DH has a busy job and it made our life so much easier.
I became a SAHM because I could financially and work was not enjoyable. The decider was when my DS broke his arm and neither my DH nor I could make the follow up appointment as we were both busy at work. Kids now older and I am now looking at what I can do next and that’s quite exciting.

One thing that would help people go part time is if redundancy payments weren’t proratad for those who, for the majority of their career at the relevant employer, have worked full time.

To add to my previous post, I have a family member who went back to work very soon after her child was born because “career” and it was “boring”. Fast forward to a 17 year old who has no relationship with her, no real emotional connection and is very close to his dad who was there for him every single day. You reap what you sow I guess.

I had no choice. I loved my career and i was good at it. Dh earnt more money than me in a more stable industry.

My ds has complex needs/ serverely disabled (this is an understatement) by the time I gave up work I was only working about a day and half a week. I couldn't manage the appointments, he wasn't even two years old and i'd had over a year off for mat leave.

Does it really escape you thay some people just don't have a choice and decide to do what is best for their family/ children?

You can’t genuinely think this is remotely the norm. I assume you just wished to be goady? Just why though, does it make you feel good, trying to make women feel bad for their choices?

I wish I could drop my career for 5-10 years and be a SAHM. Instead I’m working 3 days (plus probably an extra 1 on top with all the extra hours) for £30k, just to pay for someone else to spend time and look after my babies. For just under half the week I get them up and dressed in the morning, pack them off and then pick them up at night just to take them home and put them to bed. While doing that 90% of the time I’m stressed/grumpy/knackered and just want them in their beds so I can have silence and unwind. I feel like I’m trapped in a horror movie. I have dreamt of these babies my whole life and I am miserable.

I didn't have a career at that point in my life . I had a job.My children, and our family financial situation, meant that it made more sense fir me to be snt home with our children. My career has developed since the children became more independent. This worked for us, but every family finds their own best path, I hope

No-one I know has ever given up their career to have a family. Some women have given up a 'job,' but not a career. Every women I know who has a successful and professional career, has taken a short break from it, and gone back to it after the baby is born. No woman gives up a 'career' when they have a baby. None I have ever known anyway.