Ex now wants half the house after saying no interest, advice?

[Roxyford]

Im just seeing if anyone has had any positive outcome from what im going through right now because I am so down and stressed and just cant see a positive.
So I was with my ex for 13 years we have 2 children 13 and 5 my mum gifted myself a large depoist so that we could get onto the property ladder (I didn't ask for this) she simply did this so that the children would have a home always.
Anyway we brought a house then sold that after about 4 years and brought another house using what equity was in that house as a depoist for the next house the equity was from the deposit my ex only lived in this house for 3 months when we separated. I took on the bills and paid the mortgage etc and after a couple months we went to mediation regarding child contact and during that mediation the mediator said what about property and finances and my ex said no I have no interest in the house thats for the children. And we said that when I am able to I will take over the house and take him off the mortgage I did try last year but I was 30k short so I said I'll try again when the mortgage is up for renewal in 3 years he was fine with that.
In the last few months he has washed his hands of our 13 year old daughter for absolutely no reason and last saw our 5 year old briefly at Christmas I found out after Christmas that he had moved house so I said to him via message can I please have your new address so I know where our 5 year old will be and he just went crazy and said its got nothing to do with me and that he was going to try and get full custody of our 5 year old and then I get a really nasty solicitors letter demanding that I sell the house and give him 50% i paid for another mediation session in January and he refused I cant afford a solicitor ive managed to get together enough money to spend an hour with one its costing £315. I'll have to represent myself. I just cant cope i cant get my head around this how can he be happy to potentially make his children homeless. And theres also been no attempt to see them. Can I also just add that we didn't have a good relationship he had a bad temper I would never leave the children alone with him. I have an older daughter she is 17 and her and my 13 year old both tell me how he would threaten them and how scared of him they were. He's so controlling. I did call legal aid and they said to speak to national domestic abuse helpline so I did and they were brilliant they said how he is is totally unacceptable and that im suffering emotional abuse from him.
Im just terrified ive been working so hard to keep this house and to keep the children happy and look after there mental health as well as my own. He took everything of value when he left this house including the family car and £4,000 i am now in debt as ive had to replace things I am also 31 weeks pregnant with my current partner.
Sorry to go on i just wondered if anyone else had represented themselves and had any good result.

Just to add OP a solicitors letter is not a legal order so can't make you do anything. Every borough usually has a free legal advice centre. Google "free legal advice near me" and see what comes up. This is different from legal aid.

Even if a court ordered a 50 50 split it would not operate until children 18 or older. He can't force you to sell without going to court. You don't automatically lose because you don't have a solicitor.

You need a clean break and a solicitor

Was there ever any DV or mental torture or coercive control? You may b able to claim legal aid

Is he paying maintenance or anything towards the house?

From experience I believe that the courts don’t look favourably on people who refuse mediation. He won’t get very far with his demands if he doesn’t go to mediation, you have to get a certificate from the mediator to say it failed to even get to court I think.

DH’s ex was all talk and refused mediation, never went to court and her demands stopped.

"Even if a court ordered a 50 50 split it would not operate until children 18 or older. "
Not true.
Only if specific reason.
Kids can move house lots do.
And then what anyway?
Also op has new partner and forthcoming baby with new partner who has responsibility for housing that child .

I couldn't afford a solicitor either, I used th3 family law centre and they took a charge on the house and were paid when the house sold.

Usually courts rule in favour of the one who has custody. Is there any evidence of his controlling/abusive ways and also the potential risks he bore to your kids ?
I think i would try and speak to someone can u get legal aid or something ?

You need legal advice. This is one of those instances, when you can't do without it. You need to take all the documents regarding the house to your solicitor. If your ex is on the mortgage and deeds, then technically he has as much right to the house as you do. He could potentially force a sale or you to buy his share out. However, he took £4,000 and the family car when he left. Where was the £4,000 from and who purchased the car? It might be the value of the car and the £4,000 would be the same amount as his share of any equity in the house. It may be a good idea to have the house revalued by several estate agents, so you have some idea how much equity there is within the property.

It was probably always unlikely your ex was going to walk away from the property, without wanting money. Unfortunately, what he said in a therapy session is completely irrelevant.

A Mesher Order allowing you to stay in the house until the kids are 18 isn’t a thing if you weren’t married.

The frank reality is that the house is held as joint tenants. That means he is entitled to a share of any equity. The question is how much.

People will talk about Schedule 1 of the Children Act and TOLATA proceedings. But those are very expensive.

You need to sever the joint tenancy ASAP.

The courts don’t “rule in favour” of anyone. It’s a property owned 50:50, no marriage. He will be able to force sale with a court order but it’ll take a lot of money to get there.

The good news is you’ve got the money to consult a solicitor, please do this rather than going to some charity of community clinic. Find out what a realistic good outcome looks like and work towards accepting that.

unfortunately, as a poster said above it was inevitable that he wasn’t going to walk away from the equity he’s entitled too. Throw everything you have at getting him to accept as little of that as possible

I don’t have particular advice on what you’re experiencing, but….deep breaths…you can do this….Citizens advice bureau might be able to help…but most importantly, you can do this. He is a cunt. You are not. Keep doing the best you can. Will be thinking of you xxx

Do you work? Could your workplace have free legal advice attached to your contract? Or does your mortgage company offer legal advice. You need to find anyway you can to get some advice . Maybe look into McKenzie friends. Good luck x

Hi sorry for the late reply thank you all so so much for your messages. With the £4,000 I stupidly gave that to him when he left for some stupid reason and the car was in my name i said he could use the car to get to work but then I see he has a new car and has sold the family car. My biggest problem that is really affecting my head in a bad way is that my poor mum put that depoist down and that the house is for the children this is why im struggling to cope with this my ex has gotten married and this is probably whats contributing to all this crap. Also my ex doesn't know that im pregnant.
I have got an appointment with a solicitor in a couple weeks to see if I can get legal aid.

Have a ring round some solicitors, many often give an hour free if you ask. My friend went to a few free sessions with different firms when her husband left her and 3 children. He didn’t want anything at first, just his freedom (!), and then changed his mind and hired a top city partner to fight his corner. She found the free sessions really helpful to get an idea of what she was entitled to before she started her fight.

https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership/change-from-joint-tenants-to-tenants-in-common

you can change it to tenants in common if you are joint tenants, this makes it harder for him to force the sale and either way it will cost him a lot in court. I would change the locks (if you haven’t already).

This isn’t true. I’ve lived this, he has every chance of getting 50% eventually, especially if he can afford a good solicitor.

They both own 100% of the property, please don’t claim he has to prove x, y and z when that isn’t at all the case.

So have I and paid the court fees if the deposit came from her family and she has paid the bulk of the mortgage and it's the children's home there is zero chance he gets 50%]

He is an owner. He isn’t just a person who lived in her house. They are joint owners.

if you read OPs posts her mum didn’t even provide a deposit for this house. She provided deposits for theOPs original house, this one has since been purchased jointly. OPs decision provide a large deposit for a jointly owned property without ring fencing it is not one for the courts to rule on.

Whilst a lot of advice in here is well meaning and with my limited knowledge and personal experience most of it is incorrect and just telling you what you want to hear

there’s no other option than to invest in some PROPER legal advice

Exactly this, the only thing that counts is legal documentation, as a joint tenant he has a right to 50% of the house in a sale, and can take action to force a sale.

There may be actions you can take to defer that (ie children being his dependants need a home), but ultimately he is a legal owner.

As others have said, he also has a right to reside in the property unless there is a DVPN or DVPO saying otherwise.

Totally agree with severing the JT to TiC asap, then going forward keep records of every mortgage payment, maintenance cost going forward.

Why? To be in the same financially insecure position in the future.
Be independent. Protect yourself.

@Loramora
There are hardly any mesher orders granted and the poster is not married so no divorce for this financial order to apply to.

@Roxyford please seek legal advice now and for the future, so that you don’t risk your security again. There is too much misinformation on this thread.

Other advice is to be more objective if you can. Ignore all of the emotional and blame, it isn’t relevant. This is legal process and will be followed through regardless.

If he’s changed the goal posts, so do you.
The first thing you do, if you haven’t already, is call Child Maintenance. It’s about a 20 minute call and they’ll send you a form. Do that asap.

The second, is to look at any pensions he may have. Sometimes it’s worth more than the house. You’ll also want to think of any assets he may have.

Third, look at local universities. They sometimes have law clinics. The students are learning but they have a teacher supervising.

She has no right to his pension or other assets sadly as they weren’t married.

OP you are getting a lot of conflicting advice on this thread. You need to go and see a solicitor. Could your new partner pay if you can’t? It will be in his best interests too going forward.