Ex now wants half the house after saying no interest, advice?

[Roxyford]

Im just seeing if anyone has had any positive outcome from what im going through right now because I am so down and stressed and just cant see a positive.
So I was with my ex for 13 years we have 2 children 13 and 5 my mum gifted myself a large depoist so that we could get onto the property ladder (I didn't ask for this) she simply did this so that the children would have a home always.
Anyway we brought a house then sold that after about 4 years and brought another house using what equity was in that house as a depoist for the next house the equity was from the deposit my ex only lived in this house for 3 months when we separated. I took on the bills and paid the mortgage etc and after a couple months we went to mediation regarding child contact and during that mediation the mediator said what about property and finances and my ex said no I have no interest in the house thats for the children. And we said that when I am able to I will take over the house and take him off the mortgage I did try last year but I was 30k short so I said I'll try again when the mortgage is up for renewal in 3 years he was fine with that.
In the last few months he has washed his hands of our 13 year old daughter for absolutely no reason and last saw our 5 year old briefly at Christmas I found out after Christmas that he had moved house so I said to him via message can I please have your new address so I know where our 5 year old will be and he just went crazy and said its got nothing to do with me and that he was going to try and get full custody of our 5 year old and then I get a really nasty solicitors letter demanding that I sell the house and give him 50% i paid for another mediation session in January and he refused I cant afford a solicitor ive managed to get together enough money to spend an hour with one its costing £315. I'll have to represent myself. I just cant cope i cant get my head around this how can he be happy to potentially make his children homeless. And theres also been no attempt to see them. Can I also just add that we didn't have a good relationship he had a bad temper I would never leave the children alone with him. I have an older daughter she is 17 and her and my 13 year old both tell me how he would threaten them and how scared of him they were. He's so controlling. I did call legal aid and they said to speak to national domestic abuse helpline so I did and they were brilliant they said how he is is totally unacceptable and that im suffering emotional abuse from him.
Im just terrified ive been working so hard to keep this house and to keep the children happy and look after there mental health as well as my own. He took everything of value when he left this house including the family car and £4,000 i am now in debt as ive had to replace things I am also 31 weeks pregnant with my current partner.
Sorry to go on i just wondered if anyone else had represented themselves and had any good result.

How is the home owned? Tenants in common or joint tenants?

I believe joint tenants we are both on the mortgage and deeds unfortunately

Were you married?

No

In that case he legally has as much right to the property as you do, so he could either force a sale, or force you to buy him out via the courts. Unless there is for example a non-molestation order he is also legally allowed to enter/live in the property.

Op, your nervous system will be in shreds right now.
you have shown yourself to be resourceful and resilient and you won’t end up in the streets, you’ll work something out. It sounds like you’re spinning out and having to get your head around a shocking and deeply unfair situation.
Once the shock subsides you will do what you have to. that’s motherhood, you won’t be annihilated by this, you’ll Survive and adapt whatever the outcome

Thank you for this im so weak at the moment im sat here now crying i feel.like such a failure i should of gotten something in writing and shouldn't of gotten into debt I feel ive let the kids down.

I mean that in a nice way just re read that and it sounds like im grumpy your message has given me a little strength

You haven’t let anyone down, you’ll get there eventually and this will just be an annoyance in your past.

Although he's on the mortgage, has he been paying since he moved out? As I think this could make a difference to his position.....
Really sounds like you need to try and get some legal advice at some point to bottom this out.
If his is being abusive could be worth getting a non mol order in place to try and give yourself some space, particularly as you are pregnant.

has he been paying since he moved out? As I think this could make a difference to his position.....

Wont make any difference on fact op living there is paying occupational rent. (Eg paying all mortgage)
It looks like you have a new partner op.
That maybe why ex is pushing but in any case either of you can force a sale.
Can you and new partner buy him out?
Look at the figures involved how much equity etc?
Where is your new partner living?

Have you got any notes from the therapist from the session where he said he didn't want the house?

He didn't pay the deposit and barely contributed to the mortgage. He'd have to prove he contributed what and when and even if he did the court would be very reluctant to take the children's home away. If he can afford to take you to court you'll hear from his solicitor and then you can worry about engaging a solicitor yourself. He got jack shit chance of getting anything let alone 50%

OP, when you see a solicitor, take evidence of your mum's contribution to the house deposit, and proof that you have been paying the mortgage on your own since he left.

Who paid the mortgage on the first house? If you can prove you paid the majority of it, and the majority of the bills/childcare, then take that too. Everything you have that shows your contribution has been greater than his.

Then take the solicitor's advice.

It doesn’t matter what he said in a therapy session. What is documented at Land Registry is a lot more important.

The fact that you are not married should play to your advantage here. He willha to evidence his contribution to the house. As will you.
He is probably enraged by the new relationship and baby coming.

If he has taken that car and cash how much does that amount to? How much was the equity in the house when he left?

Is your new partner lining in the house? Can he buy your ex out?

If the deposit came from you, then surely your solicitor at the time of the purchase should have ring-fenced that? Were there ever any discussions about that? Because you should have been advised that owning as joint tenants was seriously disadvantaging you.
So you need to check that - look at the correspondence from when you purchased.
The fact that you have paid the mortgage by yourself would likely be taken into account when assessing what, if anything is due to him.

He definitely has a share, but you need legal advice to establish how much of a share he’s actually entitled to.

Who paid for the car and where did he get the £4000 from

There might be various issues around taking without owners consent and/or theft

Joint tenants is usually 50/50. You wanted tenants in common to protect your deposit. Also if you suddenly died he'd own the whole house because of rights of survivorship.

Sounds like you have some legal advice to get on Monday. For now, cry lots to let the pressure off and remember things are often not as bad as they seem. I say this as a single mum with cancer who has had a very rough and scary week, what feels impossible gets digested and we just get on with sorting through it. Sleep, eat, take care of your body and hang in there x

This is one of those situations where you can't afford not to get legal advice. You need to get together evidence to show your solicitor including everything he took when he left, any correspondence from the mediator and ideally the mediator's note of what he said to them.

The only person who has let your children down is that vindicitive piece of shit. Try not to spiral. I have no legal advice but could you look into a mesher (?) Order i think its called. Where he cant force you to sell the house until your youngest (of his children) turn 18. Im sure someone with better knowledge can and will correct me. Im sorry you are going through this. Big hugs.