Ex now wants half the house after saying no interest, advice?

[Roxyford]

Im just seeing if anyone has had any positive outcome from what im going through right now because I am so down and stressed and just cant see a positive.
So I was with my ex for 13 years we have 2 children 13 and 5 my mum gifted myself a large depoist so that we could get onto the property ladder (I didn't ask for this) she simply did this so that the children would have a home always.
Anyway we brought a house then sold that after about 4 years and brought another house using what equity was in that house as a depoist for the next house the equity was from the deposit my ex only lived in this house for 3 months when we separated. I took on the bills and paid the mortgage etc and after a couple months we went to mediation regarding child contact and during that mediation the mediator said what about property and finances and my ex said no I have no interest in the house thats for the children. And we said that when I am able to I will take over the house and take him off the mortgage I did try last year but I was 30k short so I said I'll try again when the mortgage is up for renewal in 3 years he was fine with that.
In the last few months he has washed his hands of our 13 year old daughter for absolutely no reason and last saw our 5 year old briefly at Christmas I found out after Christmas that he had moved house so I said to him via message can I please have your new address so I know where our 5 year old will be and he just went crazy and said its got nothing to do with me and that he was going to try and get full custody of our 5 year old and then I get a really nasty solicitors letter demanding that I sell the house and give him 50% i paid for another mediation session in January and he refused I cant afford a solicitor ive managed to get together enough money to spend an hour with one its costing £315. I'll have to represent myself. I just cant cope i cant get my head around this how can he be happy to potentially make his children homeless. And theres also been no attempt to see them. Can I also just add that we didn't have a good relationship he had a bad temper I would never leave the children alone with him. I have an older daughter she is 17 and her and my 13 year old both tell me how he would threaten them and how scared of him they were. He's so controlling. I did call legal aid and they said to speak to national domestic abuse helpline so I did and they were brilliant they said how he is is totally unacceptable and that im suffering emotional abuse from him.
Im just terrified ive been working so hard to keep this house and to keep the children happy and look after there mental health as well as my own. He took everything of value when he left this house including the family car and £4,000 i am now in debt as ive had to replace things I am also 31 weeks pregnant with my current partner.
Sorry to go on i just wondered if anyone else had represented themselves and had any good result.

See if your solicitor will do a payment plan for you. It's well worth employing a solicitor who will fight for you and knows the law to bat him off. Check with your domestic abuse charity as to whether you can claim Legal Aid if you haven't already. Does the charity have a sokicjtor who could advise you? Have any of the threats to the children been reported anywhere? If he did go for custody, the Courts will take into account the wishes of your children so they will have to tell them about his behaviour. You can fight this, don't let his bully boy tactics scare you into submission.

Unfortunately because you weren’t married and presumably didn’t have a deed of trust for the deposit, you need to seek legal advice.

Don’t beat yourself up for not getting it in writing though as it wouldn’t make any difference.

Rubbish.

Are you saying that if a couple buy a house together and he works to pay the mortgage and she takes care of the children that he can just take the house if they split up and she gets nothing?

The other parent needs a home for the children as well.

Which is why people protect themselves by getting married. Legally there’s a process to decide what’s fair.

start fake paying your mum the money back and insist it was a loan. That cancels out that equity surely. Just an idea …

When the mortgage was taken out on the first house, the OP and her ex would have needed to declare the source of the funds for a deposit and if they were a loan, gift, savings etc.

Also, I don’t think you need a solicitor for the groundwork. You can easily do that yourself. It’s just gathering your own info and presenting it, doing a statement to submit. You’ll pretty much be doing that yourself anyway, the solicitor will just pop what you are telling them on the form as there is only you that knows that information. If you can’t do it by yourself, see if you have a friend or CAB to help with a final draft. What you need is a lawyer on the day in court. That’s the bit that matters. They are the negotiators and talk the talk in front of the judge, that’s where it matters…the rest is just money making - and a lot of money making for solicitors for doing something that you can sort yourself. All the information is available online. Just look it up. Good luck. (I have been here…it’s bloody hard work and stressful but there is light at the end of the tunnel no matter the outcome)

Good luck with finding a solicitor or barrister to swoop in at the last minute. The only cases I have seen where this has worked is where the person has had friends in the legal profession to help.

i know you did it all yourself etc but you are the outlier.

That's not the case here though is it? And if they were unmarried she'd have to fight tooth and nail and probably still wouldn't get 50%

You don’t need to do it last minute, you book a direct access barrister in advance, when you know the court date. Lots of people do it to save fees

Could still costs thousands though with no guarantee of success

Of course I didn’t comment on that. Just saying night it’s perfectly possible to use a barrister for the final stage

It’s worth checking if you have insurance for legal advice - maybe on car or home insurance? It’s usually called ‘legal expenses’ and you think it might just be related to the car insurance for example… but actually you can use it for any legal advice!

It’s the case that you said there was zero chance of him getting half the house because she paid the bulk of the mortgage and because the children live there.

My news resolution was not to argue with idiots

Could your current partner buy his share? That would be the obvious answer if you are about to have a baby together and live together.

NOOOOO!

As I said upthread to the OP, learn from this and don’t make the same mistake with your finances again.

Keep your own money, buy your own house, be independent!

It was probably the new DP and new baby on the way that got the Exs back up! He was fine with her and his kids living in his house but not the new people. I can get this actually, he’ll be thinking, why should the new DP and baby benefit from his money?

If OP can’t raise the money and wants to remain in the house then her options are limited, and she’s chosen to have a baby with new DP so I’m guessing she’s committed to him, so maybe the EX buying the partner out isn’t a bad idea afterall.

Nope - ex doesn’t know about the baby and ex is now married himself.

Assuming stack v down den is still good law (it’s been 3 years since I studied this) if you buy as joint tennanys the presumption is 50/50.
the only way it was varied in s v d was as they always had separate finances and paid 35%\65% of things. They didn’t have joint finances.

but most times if you buy together like this you have to split 50/50.

the judge in s v d also pointed out how much this cost them both to fight -£60k or so.

So really see a solicitor but be prepared to offer 50% less maybe off for them owing you for car etc plus any capital payments made on mortgage for last 2 years. Legal case will just cost you tons to fight this unless you have very specific circumstances.