New mum friend criticised me in group setting, should I pull back?

[ttc2023AH]

I wondered if anyone had advice. I am a chronic overthinker as a caveat.

I've made a new mum friend since having my baby (11weeks) we met at nursery and since then I've introduced her to a few other mum friends on the development and I think been nothing but supportive.

We recently went to a stay and play at the nursery we both attend and in front of the staff and new mums she bought up that it was good to be at a group we can talk at unlike another group we attended last week where she believed that I (rudely) talked over the group instructor and she felt bad for her and was wishing me to stop talking.

I don't disagree with her being that up if that's how she felt but it was in the context of being in front of the staff and new mums.

I mumbled something about not realising and I felt bad if I'd made the instructor feel that way but even the nursery workers commented saying 'its all coming out now'

I'm embarrassed and upset but we aren't close friends, we aren't even really close enough for me to cause an awkward situation by bringing it up. It would just probably end the friendship because I think she'd feel defensive. I don't know whether to just massively pull back or get over it (I think they are the two options I'd rather go for)

This ^
Kill her with politeness from the very long distance

She could get away with this if she'd known you years and years and was half jokingly chastising you because she treats you more like a sister, but for a new friend it's a bit forward and quite insensitive, even if it's true. She could have observed it and had an opinion on it without needing to bring it up. If she wanted to say something she should have done it good naturedly at the time, not later in front of people who weren't even there.

If it were me I'd come to the conclusion that she probably doesn't like me very much. I'd start to distance myself a bit and not build on that relationship further. Focus on other people from now on.

You’re not a friendship match. Don’t let it bother you but maybe seek out other friends/ networks

Why do you want to shut people up?

Just drop her, she’s not your friend.

It sounds like the nursery workers were trying to diffuse an akward situation.
Don't overthink it, but do ask yourself if you were talking over the group instructor. If you were, then you could modify your behaviour at future groups and apologise to the facilitator if you think that's warranted. The "friend" isn't being kind by bringing this up later in front of a different group. She could have quietly had a word with you at the time, or supported the facilitator to take back control of the group, or had a word with you in private after.
If you didn't do anything wrong at the precious group then either she's socially inexperienced and strangely taking responsibility for your actions that made her feel uncomfortable yet raising it later at a different gathering. That's her strange or maybe even unkind behaviour if she has an intention to shame or embarass you.
Either way, I'd probably pull away a bit. She can be one of the group but you don't owe it to her to make efforts to include her.
Agree with PP that some "new mum" friends are there for a season - getting through the newborn phase - and if you don't have things in common beyond that it's fine to let them go

She's a dick- I've had people do this to me so on many occasions, and I let it slide. She will only get worse. Friends do not put their friends down in front of other people. Congrats on your baby 👶 xxx

Me too.

The very least a friend can be is discreet.

You don't need this one. Do you really need groups and meetings anyway? I avoid them like the plague.

But the OP and this woman aren’t friends. They only met a matter of weeks ago! They are new acquaintances getting annoyed by aspects of one another’s behaviour.

She's a prick. I wouldnt speak to her again

Just ditch her. You’ve been kind to her. She’s been unkind back. You’re not friends anymore. It’s that simple.

I think that's quite cheeky and mean of her. Certainly pull away from this friendship. Just be polite but distant if you meet. Not up to her to criticise your behaviour. She's not your mother.

If you let this slide, she will do it again because you said nothing the first time. Ditch her

I don’t think the silence of anyone else witnessing your comeback is one of stunned admiration. It’s far more likely to be side glances to each other, muffled sniggers and thoughts along the lines of ‘what a tit’. Please tell me you’re joking @Friendlygingercat

This.
Drift away OP.
She has shown you who she is.
Don't say anything, just make no further effort.

Ducksbilled has nailed it as usual.
If I witnessed that by anyone towards another person , her card would be marked with "Bitch, avoid, no second chances".

She's a cunt, deliberately trying to make you look bad in front of others for some reason. She's not your friend.

This.

This person is still a dick by the sounds of things.. acquaintances or friends- whatever

If you're serious (and I hope you're not!) then that's not something to be proud of. Plus complement means something entirely different to compliment.

I dropped a "friend" for doing exactly this.

She criticised me in a group setting for something to do with my dog. The story isn't really relevant I guess, but to summarise, she was basically putting me down in how I approach training him (saying I'm too neurotic - he's a rescue, can be reactive).

The other people in the group were visibly uncomfortable / awkward. I was stunned and felt totally humiliated.

I raised it with her a few days later and told her straight that it upset me and that I would never call her out on something in front of other people like that.

She apologised in words (i.e. "oh.... sorry"), but it didn't feel sincere in the slightest. I just stepped completely back after that, dodged any invitations to meet up until she stopped asking. I didn't bring it up again, but if she had outright asked me why I'd pulled back, I would absolutely have told her.

If I were you, I would raise it directly with her and tell her you feel upset. Give her a chance to fix it. But if you don't want to do that, then yes I'd absolutely give her a wide berth. This is assuming you are sure she didn't mean it in a playful bantery way.

No not a friend op. Be polite. Dont engage. She sounds like a mean girl at secondary school)

She sounds socially awkward and I wouldn’t bother meeting up with her again.

Quietly and in private from one close friend to another, possibly. Not in a sarcastic, belittling way to other people when you're standing right there.

I’d argue if you’ve been rude and negatively impacted a group situation then it’s fine. But then I’m not as sensitive as many on MN.

Are you living in fantasy land ??????....... This is the real , cut throat, world. One Bitch ran off with my husband; after skewing my Lover as well !!!!!! You can't get better than that !!!!!!