Reasonable consequences for teen losing expensive door key twice?

[Zoo2tropolis]

This may be a mix of AIBU and WWYD

My DC is early teens. Usually very responsible, well behaved, very few problems at any age. At the start of the school year they were given a door key. In a pouch, to go inside their school bag and stay there. Told to keep it safe, we have a special door and lock so it's really expensive. It would only be needed every now and then when noone gets home in time to let them in.

Around Xmas time, they lost the key. Then eventually found it, but we were mad they hadn't looked after it. They had taken it out of the pouch, left it loose. The responsibility and importance of keeping it safe, and consequences of not doing that were impressed on them. We helped them devise a means to keep it safe - put it in a zipped pouch, again within school bag and it should stay there.

Today they said it's lost again, this time the zip on the pouch apparently broke, they put the key tucked just inside their phone case and it's gone. The phone has been taken multiple places and they have no idea when it went or whether in or outside the house.

I'm saying the consequences for this should be:

1. Grounded for 1 month, due to seriousness of the issue and it being lost despite previous conversations (but they can still go to clubs)
2. Loss of phone except for travel to and from school for communicating
3. They should use their laptop to come up with a way to earn money to cover cost of a new key, as this is about taking responsibility

So AIBU, or what would you do in the same position?

Oh be your age! SS kicking off about a kid being given an hours worth of chores a day?! You must be joking!

Your punishments are too harsh.
Yes they should be more careful but this is a teenager.
Make them pay for a replacement, then get a tracking tile on it.

That's what I did when my teen lost their keys recently. It wasn't particularly cheap to get a new set cut.
Since they had to pay out, they've been much more careful about putting the keys in a safe place.

What is this supposed to be the punishment for? The zip broke. Where else should the key have been put after that? It’s annoying but these things happen

I know it’s annoying and expensive to lose the key, but this sort of punishment is ridiculous. Haven’t you ever lost anything by accident?

Nice. So you don’t agree with posters who are telling you your punishments are way excessive so you’re flouncing. You sound awful. Grounding for a month, poor kid (early teens and otherwise well behaved).

Says someone who hasn't got a fucking clue what they're talking about.

Social services would laugh in your face. Have you any idea what kinds of environments the children they deal with have to live in?

Having to do an hour of chores, which presumably means make their bed, maybe dust their room, hoover, empty bins, put on a wash etc is hardly child cruelty is it.

To the person on the phone complaining that a teenager's been given chores?

Formally: Thank you very much for your report.

Internally: Are you having a fucking laugh? We're here to stop children being raped, trafficked, beaten and/or murdered, not to rescue a 14 year old from the indignity of having to push a vacuum cleaner around and maybe take out the bins.

This. It’s what I did in the end. Does your contents insurance cover key loss?

A lanyard attached to inside a purse/wallet/bag is the answer. You can easily buy the ones with a curly wire so it can stretch.

I can see that in a few years from now, you will be on the adult children estrangement threads, wondering what you ever did wrong.

Get a lockbox that they can put a code in and keep the key in there

They’ve lost a key, not the whole bloody door!

I have a similar sounding door (also was on the house I bought) and they are expensive to replace keys and a whole faff where they take days and require a code for the key. All secure but annoying and expensive. But I think your punishments together are too harsh

I get it as we have a similar key (thanks landlord!) and not only is it expensive to get the key cut but we're only able to get it copied / cut at specialist locksmiths and need permission letter from LL etc.

It's a complete nightmare and I currently have a teen and pre teen walking about with one.

We secure within the school bag (although forgetting whole a bag isn't completely unheard. Especially for older child who keep his essentials in his blazer! They've never lost bag but it has occasionally spent a night in the school locker)

I WFH currently so I only give the key to the pre teen on the one day a week they need it. But older child needs it as I'm often on calls when they get home.

I wouldn't punish if they lost the key. It's not their fault we have such an expensive key.

Also in your situation @Zoo2tropolis they've only actually lost the key once (and have you retraced their steps to find key?). Did you end up replacing the key on this first occasions before it turned up?

What sort of lock/key is it? If an Apecs high security one then is pricey if just walk into Timpsons, about £40 when I last checked IIRC. Can order them for about £12 off EBay using the key code though.

Social services!!!

Brilliant.

Very funny.

I’d get a key safe. Our youngest (17) is very forgetful/forever losing things (ND) and we’ve found it much better having a key safe rather than risking him forgetting to take out his key or losing it

Get a key safe! My teenager hates having a key and won’t take one with him. He religiously puts the key back in the key safe every day when he uses it to lock or enter the house. His request not to use a key, he likes the key safe.

Hmmm

I would use one of the following 3 options.

1. They don't have a key, so can't get in. (Probably not an option for safety reasons). This would only work if there is somebody who could let them in - or they are not allowed out unless there is somebody who can let them in when they get back.
2. You get them a new key, but they pay for it (probably over time) and it is attached securely with a chain or something similar to the inside of their bag.
3. You get a key safe and a key to put in it. They pay for the key safe (over time). However there is a risk they will take the key out of the key safe and lose it. If there is a way to attach the key to the inside of the key safe so that it cannot be taken away that would be sensible. It would require a securely fastened chain long enough to reach the keyhole. (My key safe is a LONG way from my door so that wouldn't work for me).

I would go with option 2. Children (in general) are far too used to having their parents pay for their mistakes and that doesn't happen (for most adults) in the real world, so it would do no harm at all for them to have to learn that mistakes have consequences.

This is complet unfair OP! You are holding another person to your standards. You should have ensured that the key was securely clipped to the inside of the bag. I always look for a bag that has a clip on. The key should also have an air tag on it.

I always misplace things. So I know how to safeguard it but help you teen tools to learn. I simply can’t learn not to lose thing or be less clumsy and I am 47

But the punishment is still disproportionate, especially for a child who is normally sensible and well behaved.

Get them to buy an air tag key ring (or Android equivalent) out of their own money - that is enough penalty for a normally reliable early teen. Don’t rule out key safes but make sure they are compliant with your house insurance - some will be but most are not.

Well, they would have to earn their way into being trusted to have a new key. A few months of occasional sitting outside until you get home should do it.

I think this is insane. I lost everything when I was a teenager. I was also barely holding on and a perfect child (anxious and sad). If you need them to have a key get a key safe. Your punishments are massive. It’s not their fault your key is so expensive. Your child sounds amazing and you need some perspective.

All seem harsh. Why not have one of those key cupboard things with a combination lock?
Early teen is an age where lots going on..and many still picked up at home time
A friends son has contacted me re being locked out a few times..he is 17.

Get a key safe problem solved

Use a key box. They aren’t to take the key out of it- only to use it. Solves a problem