Husband pressuring me to stop contraception and have another child

[Forella675]

Hello im wanting some advice pls im married to my husband for 14yrs now we have 3 children my husband is demanding to have a 4th child with me i am currently having contraception pills hes telling me to stop taking them and asking me during sex if i stopped and for me to swear on my 3 children that i have stopped taking them because in that moment he wants to have with me a 4th child i tried talking to him expressing my feelings it just dosent work pls give me some advice

Walk out the door and don’t go back

Leave him

Are you scared of him? Of having a conversation for fear of his reaction?

Having a child must always be a joint decision. Your dh does not get to insist you have another child. That's abuse.

If he keeps insisting, I'd move in to the spare room or I'd ask him to leave.

Have you told him you don't want any more children? Have you told him a straight No!

I would consider getting the implant or coil if you don’t want a 4th. I wouldn’t trust him to not tamper with your pill.

What is the rest of his behaviour towards you like?

ItsOnlyHobnobs thanks for all your responses no i have spoken to him multiple of times had a conversation expressed everything i feel but his replying as dont worry honey everything going to be ok we managed with 3 so he dosent see a problem having a 4th child with me

Why does he want a 4th so desperately?

Meadowfinch hello thank you for your response yes i have told him a no and have had multiple conversations about this but he dosent see nothing wrong in having a 4th child hes like we manged with 3 so whats the problem in having 4 children he not paying attention to my feelings just dosent get it

Meadowfinch hello thank you for your response yes i have told him a no and have had multiple conversations about this but he dosent see nothing wrong in having a 4th child hes like we manged with 3 so whats the problem in having 4 children he not paying attention to my feelings just dosent get it

Is there a cultural element here - are you viewed as an equal in this marriage? Is it possible for you to get healthcare without his knowledge? If so, I would go and get the contraceptive injection asap or a coil if you can - that will protect you for much longer and you can get rid of the pills. In the longer term I hope you consider leaving him, because this pressure is abusive.

Get the implant, then you can honestly tell him you are no longer taking the pill.

The thing that's wrong woth having a 4th child is that you don't want one and it will rob you of any independence.

I assume your dh is earning enough to keep you and your three children in absolute comfort with much to soare and that you have your own money. Or does he control that too?

Ducks in a row time.

Tell your GP he's coercing you into an unwanted pregnancy.

Whilst you're there, if at all possible, get some long acting contraception - but talk to the GP about what he's doing first, as physical evidence of having something could make things unsafe for you.

I dont know because my youngest is nearly 5 she just started school and i started looking after myself so it could be that hes wanting another child so desperate so then i can stay home again another 5 yrs in my opinion but i could be wrong

Run!

Short term- coil or implant
Long term- ltb

@Forella675 Have you ever worked? Is this something your husband would be happy for you to do?

Op - do the two of you understand that the person who doesn’t want the baby trumps the one who does?
The way you’re talking about it all, it sounds like you have a very unequal relationship where you both seem to think that his opinion carries more weight than yours.
it isn’t up to him whether you carry another baby or not, it’s up to you.

Thanks for all your replys no just want to address hes not an abusive partner in anyway to me hes a great dad and hes not taking no money away from me i have my own money just the problem is the insisting a 4th child

You are most likely right I’m afraid op. Your posts are suggesting that you are possibly in an extremely abusive relationship that you might need to think about getting out of.

Trying to coerce you to have a baby you don’t want is coercive abuse op.

Stop having conversations about it. Tell him there is no way you're having another baby and if he wants another one he can leave and find someone else.

Next, make an appointment and get another form of contraception in case he tampers with your pill.

Yes i have worked 6 yr strait then went on maternity leave now my little one nearly turning 5 but she started school already was thinking of getting a job

But he doesn’t want you to have a life of your own and some freedom from babies. So he is a bit controlling at the very least and your happiness is not important to him, can you acknowledge that? Frankly I’d pull away the next time sex is on the cards and say there’s nothing sexy at all about being pressured to have a 4th child, which is absolutely definitely not happening.
I think you should look for a job, there are plenty of signs in his attitude that you need some financial independence.

Yes im thinking of getting a implant instead of coil as i have some probs with the coil and i do tell him no i dont want more maybe in furture but his only bringing this up when we having seggs and then when we finish i start talking to him and then his like yes i would want another baby

It is abuse if he’s trying to force you to do something against your will. Tell him there is no sex until he accepts your decision.