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Original poster

Nine months pregnant and doing everything while DH relaxes at home

47 replies

Doineed · 15/03/2026 16:45

I can’t and won’t explain the ins and outs of my entire relationship with DH.. but this particular issue has hurt me to the core.

I’m 9 months pregnant and about to give birth. We have 2 wonderful young daughters (under 4yo) so it’s very full on. He was very excited about baby number 3 and initially reassured me that he would be on hand to help. However… has he lifted a finger this pregnancy? Not really, no.

I’m absolutely huge - baby is measuring big and I genuinely look like I’m carrying twins. DH does work full time, long hours 5 days a week but when it comes to being at home he simply thinks his job is done and that he doesn’t need to do anything to help me. He just sits and watches me struggle. An example is today.. we got home from being out for the afternoon and he is now lying in bed scrolling on his phone whilst the girls are non stop asking me for things. I now have to bath the two of them, I’ve already spent over an hour making their dinner / our separate dinner and cleaning up. I need to sit.

There is just no help and I’m sick of it. I honestly haven’t noticed it until this pregnancy-I was happy being the domestic housewife/stay at home mum but watching me struggle is making me so so hurt.

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 15/03/2026 16:48

Just sit down.

Sit and say loudly, 'I am done for the day. It's Mothers' Day and I am shattered. Daddy will get you anything else you need'.

And then let him put them to bed and sort them out. When he comes downstairs say to him bluntly 'I am about to give birth and need a lot more help than you are providing. What are you going to do about it?'

BritishDesiGirl · 15/03/2026 16:49

I'm so sorry OP, l currently feel very alone as my husband works but l'm almost 9 months pregnant and like a human yo-yo, back and forth constantly!! Also 2 children, girls 5 and 2. I'm incredibly frustrated and tried expressing my disappointment but feel like l'm talking to a wall.

Have you tried talking to your husband. I would completely rein things in and do the bare minimum.

CookingFatCat · 15/03/2026 16:49

Tell him to step up ? Make dinner or do bath and bed?
Hoover, or clean bathroom?
This sounds entrenched though. Has it always been this way?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Families General pregnancy
tartyflette · 15/03/2026 16:49

So have you actually asked him to bathe the children and put them to bed?
Yes, ideally you shouldn’t have to of course but…
And with some people you have to ask continually as they don’t see it as “their” job. If her is sitting around watching you do all the work he needs to be called out for the knob he is. Please do it.

lochmaree · 15/03/2026 16:52

That is awful 😓 I am almost 35 weeks with #3 and my husband works long hours 6 days a week, including one evening a week till 9.40pm (no later start to compensate! Just a very long day). But he gets Sunday's off and I've basically laid around all day / done some gardening because I wanted to. He's done almost everything for the kids including cutting my eldest hair 😂 so I do A LOT in the week and Saturday but Sundays are easier. I think you need to do a lot less and tell him that's what is happening and he is expected to do it.

begonefoulclutter · 15/03/2026 16:53

tartyflette · 15/03/2026 16:49

So have you actually asked him to bathe the children and put them to bed?
Yes, ideally you shouldn’t have to of course but…
And with some people you have to ask continually as they don’t see it as “their” job. If her is sitting around watching you do all the work he needs to be called out for the knob he is. Please do it.

Asked??

She needs to order the lazy bastard to do it.

marcyhermit · 15/03/2026 16:54

Take the kids upstairs to the bedroom and give them to him!

Original poster
Doineed · 15/03/2026 16:55

@CookingFatCat It has, but outside of pregnancy I happily get on with it. He does his job, I do mine sort of thing. Happy with our set up. It’s just right now I am physically exhausted and unable to keep up physically with the demands of the house and the girls, the nursery runs, cooking and general life admin. He will quite literally watch me struggle to bathe the girls, cook, clean, change nappies, attend to their never-ending requests of toys/snacks/drinks etc etc and not say a single word. He will be sat on the sofa on his phone for hours.

To answer the top question (and rightly so), I have asked him to help, but it’s either he makes it known that my request is inconvenient to him or he somehow makes the atmosphere feel off without even having to say anything. It’s hard to explain.

I’m just so bloody tired. All I want to do is be on my own in bed with chocolate biscuits and tea.

OP posts:
marcyhermit · 15/03/2026 16:58

Go get in bed right now then and tell him he needs to sort out the kids.

cestlavielife · 15/03/2026 16:58

Dont "ask". Tell him very clearly .
Stay sitting.
Go lie down . Tell him dh i need to go rest. You need to cook dinner for kids.
Leave him in charge.

cestlavielife · 15/03/2026 17:00

If you continue to do things while he watches then he just believes you are making it up when you say something.
You need to down tools.
Go to bed.
Stop doin g things.

DuracellbunnyAPlus · 15/03/2026 17:02

If you just downed tools and went to bed for an hour, what would his reaction be?

My exh behaved like this throughout our marriage, and any time I tried to explain or ask him for help, his reaction was appalling. Endless arguments, so I just got on with it.

Would yours be the same, or would he actually listen?

begonefoulclutter · 15/03/2026 17:03

You really should not have to 'ask' a man to parent his own children.

WallaceinAnderland · 15/03/2026 17:03

he makes it known that my request is inconvenient to him or he somehow makes the atmosphere feel off without even having to say anything

So? Let the atmosphere be off and go and have a lie down.

Stop being such a martyr.

Discombobble · 15/03/2026 17:06

Sit down, put your feet up and go on strike

PuppyMonkey · 15/03/2026 17:11

What’s the plan when you go into labour?

usedtobeaylis · 15/03/2026 17:12

Tell him to get his lazy, entitled backside out of the bed and go and do some parenting. Now.

Then you get in the bed and don't leave it again until the morning.

Catcatcatcatcat · 15/03/2026 17:13

Stop being a martyr and go to bed with a cuppa and the biscuits!

CurbsideProphet · 15/03/2026 17:18

It must be very difficult to lie in bed next to him at night knowing he doesn't care or have any respect for you.

Would it matter if the atmosphere was off? It must be already you are doing all of the parenting/ housework.

Venturini · 15/03/2026 17:19

This is really unforgivable behaviour. Was he also like this before you got pregnant? If so it doesn't sound like he parents his children at all. This may have been a typical family set up/arrangement 40 years ago but honestly none of the fathers I know - including my brothers, cousins, friends and partners/husbands of friends are like this. And yes some of them work long hours, are breadwinners, etc etc. There is no excuse for it.

Seelybe · 15/03/2026 17:19

@Doineed if you keep doing the things you've always done you'll get the results you've always had. 🙄

AgnesMcDoo · 15/03/2026 17:20

Sit down. And announce that you are done.

TheBeaTgoeson1 · 15/03/2026 17:22

Why are you using the word ‘help’ to describe someone doing their share? (Or not)

dizzydizzydizzy · 15/03/2026 17:25

exDP was like this . Note the ‘ex’.

When I was in hospital having just given birth to DC2, DC1 filled their nappy and he left me to do the nappy change. I passed a gigantic clot due to the physical effort.

placemats · 15/03/2026 17:27

tartyflette · 15/03/2026 16:49

So have you actually asked him to bathe the children and put them to bed?
Yes, ideally you shouldn’t have to of course but…
And with some people you have to ask continually as they don’t see it as “their” job. If her is sitting around watching you do all the work he needs to be called out for the knob he is. Please do it.

Why should she have to ask?
For goodness sake, anyone who loved their partner would do the bath bedtime and be there for the dinner at the very least.