Would you date a bisexual man?

[Seymorbutts]

Just that really. A man who you believed to be genuinely bisexual, not a gay man on his way out of the closet. Someone who’d had long-term relationships with both men and women and who you’ve never known to sleep around with either men or women. If not, why would it bother you?

Personally I think it's one of those things people should be upfront about. No one wants a huge surprise about something which is important to them. Some people won't care, others do. Who wants to waste their time?

These type of statements sound eerily familiar to the ‘men’ interviewed in the recent Louis Theroux doc, writing women off based on their ‘body count’ or perceived ideas about their promiscuousness prior to meeting them. How are you going to judge someone for how they acted before they even knew you existed??

@Ilovelurchers I find this just as plausible as a man who also likes curvy women but falls in love with a thin one

See, I wouldn't feel comfortable if I knew my DH usually only found women who looked very different to me to be attractive. No thanks!

If he had ever said, 'I don't normally like women with x, but you're the exception to the rule' that would've been a definite red flag. Because either he would've been negging me, or I would've worried that his physical interest in me would evaporate because I'm just not actually his type. So knowing that he found the opposite sex to be attractive too - something I can't compete with at all! - wouldn't be worth it for me.

If nothing else, I'd just be worried that a bisexual man might miss engaging in certain sexual practices I, being a woman, anatomically can't provide him with.

Men are allowed to reject any woman they like. If they prefer someone with a lower body count, so be it. As long as they're not rude about it with potential partners then that's their prerogative.

So what point are you trying to make exactly?

So you've never seen someone on a train platform (say) and felt wary of them without knowing anything about them?

What? Are you saying it's unfair to judge people for what they did before they met you? I'm pretty sure you can't mean that!

Nope

Why are you so keen to say its judging? It's not judging. It's saying I would not want a relationship with a person who is attracted to both sexes. As I said women are permitted to say no to anyone or anything. For any reasons, or no reason. I don't eat shellfish. I don't have to. I shouldn't be forced to eat them. I don't want a relationship with a bisexual man. My reasons might not make sense to you, but they do to me. It's not harming anyone.

@Holdmeclosertinydancer2018 my point is that I’d have hoped we’d have moved on, as a species. People have a past. Expecting women to be pure, whilst they are shagging around, is hypocritical. As hypocritical as MN is when they expect men to bend over backwards to accommodate women with kids, fat women, women who don’t earn anything, and yet those women are allowed to shun men who once may have had relationships with men. Cant we all just be more open minded?

So not letting a man put his penis into your vagina is 'shunning' now? Gracious. How times have changed.

False equivalence. You’re insinuating behaviour, the previous poster was talking solely about race and never wanting to date a Chinese person, and then expanded that to “naturally” feeling wary of people of people of other races/cultures. I have never seen someone of another race on a train platform and felt wary of them solely based on their race, no.

As I said up thread we've gone from women being told they should not say yes, to women being told they can't say no.

Whether you like it or not, wariness of "The Other" - someone different from us in ways we don't understand - is a natural human instinct. If you lack it, you're unusual.

Racism is not that.

How odd, such bizarre things for a 'straight woman actually' to say.

MN as a collective don't expect men who aren't attracted to a woman for ANY reason to be forced to be so.

And those 'unattractive' women are also, shock horror, allowed to exclude whoever they want to, for whatever reason, from their dating pool. Including not fancying men who want to have sex with other men.

Genitals are not equal opportunities employers or subject to the Equality Act. It's been said before but you, an obviously straight woman seem to be struggling with the concept.

No.

While both of you are using the word 'race', from what I've noticed it's actually more often about being from different, 'alien' cultures rather than ethnicity.

It's often not really racism, but more about wanting to have a culture in common.

Then again, in terms of race and attraction - quite often we strongly prefer people who look more similar to us, or conversely, we may be fascinated by the 'exotic' other with people who look very different. That's not racist either unless we fetishise or denigrate people. That's just attraction.

But literally no one is saying that. You’re working yourself up over things nobody thinks or says. Pointing out that certain preferences may arise from conditioned societal
prejudices and that that’s worth being aware of is not in any way the same as saying “change them immediately and have sex with someone you don’t want to”. And what on earth is degrading about people saying they evaluate potential partners on who they are as an individual and whether they have a connection, rather than labels and demographics? Not content with bashing the straw man about wanting to force people to change their preferences you’re also now being rude and invalidating about other people’s approach to their love lives. None of this inflammatory language and tactics are giving you the moral high ground you think.

I’m sorry but you are reaching!
Women don’t have to date anyone they don’t want to. Thats fine. But to judge a whole load of men you’ve never met is not right.
If you are wary of men and their intentions, then don’t date any men, don’t pick out one group to exclude based on assumptions and lazy stereotypes.
You are absolutely fine to say that you can meet a guy, who discloses he is bisexual, and you don’t want to date that guy anymore because something else feels off , that’s fine.
What I’m talking about is dating a guy, it’s going well, you fancy him, he mentions he’s dated a man before and you break it off based on that alone.
That’s just judgemental and shaming.
I have a friend who’s dated men and women. She’s an incredibly bright, fantastic, funny person. If a man was lucky enough to date her and then broke it off because she once had a relationship with a woman, I would judge him, I would think he was a bigot.
People are complex. Everyone has a past. It’s ridiculous for anyone (women and men) to expect their partner to meet them, especially later in life, and to be, what, a virgin? Had one long term relationship with someone?

Sure, having things in common or important but culture is not necessarily an indicator you won’t. I’ve got several Muslim friends, one is not religious but very into reform and Farage, the other is religious, but also a Green Party member who grows her own weed. People are individuals.

ETA the reform lover is not so much of a friend any more because our politics are so different and we don’t have much in common.

“So I take it if your wife gets fat, it’s ok to just leave her? Because your physical type is slim women?”

I’m sure you’re intelligent enough to know to know that attraction, love and relationships are a lot more nuanced than that. If a woman falls in love with a hot young 30-year-old man who’s the same age as her, partly because she’s attracted to hot young men, does she then turn around and leave him when they’re both 60, after 30 years of marriage, because he’s old and fat and old and fat isn’t her type? Not usually (although the same can’t be said for some men in that situation!) because initial attraction morphs into something different as you fall in love with the person, grow together, and develop a deep bond. Attraction becomes less important and the deep bond you have becomes more important, and can actually deepen attraction. So no, of course I wouldn’t leave my wife if she got fat. I am talking about initial attraction, before other factors that make you attracted to someone are involved.

As for assuming I’d have no connection with someone with a different skin colour or culture, I did not say that. I said I’ve never found a Chinese person attractive. I didn’t say I never would, but it’s not my fault that I haven’t. I can’t control what I do and don’t find attractive and it’s ok to admit that. If I could control it why would I have gone through the hell that was coming out as gay in the early 2000s? I’d just have got myself a boyfriend like everyone else and been happy. I also think it’s reasonable to expect that I’d be unlikely to be able to develop a deep connection and understanding with someone who grew up in a very, very different culture, spoke a different language and I had no points of cultural reference with. One of the biggest things that draws people to each other is having things in common. Without this, it makes things much more difficult. Not saying it couldn’t happen, just that it’s far less likely

I would dump him in a heartbeat if I found out later on he was bisexual and I would be seriously pissed off that he hadn't disclosed the info to me earlier.

If that makes me a bigot then I'll wear my Bigot badge with pride.