Would you date a bisexual man?

[Seymorbutts]

Just that really. A man who you believed to be genuinely bisexual, not a gay man on his way out of the closet. Someone who’d had long-term relationships with both men and women and who you’ve never known to sleep around with either men or women. If not, why would it bother you?

Drawing equivalence between same-sex attraction and "kinky sexual practices" is homophobic. It's irrelevant and unrelated. Not to mention the generalisation of men you "suspect were bisexual" being nasty pieces of work, which you even admit is likely a coincidence!

That doesn't make your preference invalid at all, just that such comments are why such threads often descend into homophobia and biphobia. The preference alone isn't homophobic or bisexual, but the prejudice comes in with the reasoning that bisexual men are likely to be nasty or, as others have said, that bisexual men are more likely to cheat. In my own anecdotal experience I could say those are problems men in general seem to have!

You're allowed to say "I wouldn't date a bisexual man because I don't want to" without having to resort to such prejudiced generalisations.

No harm but why are people conflating being gay or bi and into kink and/or BDSM.

My own comments using BDSM in comparison to bisexuality are in regards to invisible past aspects of a person that still might put one off dating them (dating men vs being involved in kink), and sexual practices that I would be unable to provide and which a partner might miss/desire.

Is there an issue with using those comparisons?

Well bdsm / kink is not a sexual orientation for a start.

second technically a lot of it is illegal.

thirdly it tends to have what I personally consider to be abusive elements in terms of power that being bi or gay does not have

Much of what you've implied there isn't exactly true, but that aside - none of that is relevant to the way in which I used the examples either, so I'm not sure of what your point is.

My point was a.) Things people have done in the past and no longer do, which are 'invisible', can still affect whether or not you want to date the person - eg. sleeping with a man, or enjoying BDSM.

and b.) I wouldn't want to be in a long-term relationship with a bisexual man because there are sexual practices he will have enjoyed in the past that I cannot provide for him, much as I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man who has enjoyed kink practices for the same reason.

Is there an issue with those two specific comparisons?

I'm not sure why this thread has attracted posters panicking about hordes of perverted Mumsnetters who they imagine are trying to force them to sleep with bisexual men against their will! Date or don't date whoever you like. Just be mindful about the way you talk about people, as the way some of you are talking about bisexuals comes across as pretty nasty. You can have or express a preference without being a dick about it.

Even if you, personally, don't think bisexual men are promiscuous etc, you're still being affected by that biased messaging and that's what's putting you off

We can acknowledge that biases in dating are based in harmful stereotypes AS WELL AS understanding that dating is not an equal opportunity

Absolute bollocks. I don’t subscribe to any stereotypes about any sexuality. I don’t have any silly notions that bisexuals can’t be faithful, or that they’re secretly gay etc. I don’t want to date a bisexual man because I do not find men who have sex with men, sexually attractive, in the exact same way I don’t find skinny, intellectual men, or blonde men, or men who have used a prostitute, or men who have dated one of my friends or family members, or men who aren’t funny or men who wear football shirts, sexually attractive.

The sheer arrogance and entitlement of thinking that if someone is not attracted to someone from a particular group, that they must be some kind of bigot or phobic, is just off the scale. And all this crap about ‘of course you can date who you want, but if you don’t date person A, B or C then it’s obviously because you’re a terrible person who is prejudiced’ is creepy as fuck. It’s designed to guilt trip people into sleeping with someone they really don’t find attractive just to prove they’re not prejudiced. I’m old, fat and mean, and I fully accept that if I was single and wanting to date, then I would be unattractive to a large section of the population. That’s not because they’re ageist, fatphobic or biased against all peri menopausal women filled with hormonal rage. It’s because I’m sexually unattractive to them and I have absolutely no right to demand an explanation or to call them offensive names or insult their character because of that.

If someone doesn’t want to date you because of who you might have dated previously then tough bloody luck. You’re not a victim and you’re not special. You’re the same as everyone else; attractive to some people and unattractive to others. Stop navel gazing.

I don't think I said that they always would, I said it was a risk, and a risk I'm not willing to take with my heart and with the trajectory of my one life.

Maybe it is; my point is that I wouldn't want to take on the risk.

In real life if I was asked for a date by anyone I didn't fancy, I would just politely decline. The same way that I politely declined a date with a lesbian: that happened twice before I met my DH. I didn't say anything impolite but explained that I'm not a lesbian neither am I curious as the ads say. I reacted in exactly the same way I would to any polite request for a date from a man.
But this is a discussion, people will give their reasons for declining in a forthright way and that happens in any thread here. Ask for an opinion and the likelihood is that the answer will be brutally honest, or what some might consider impolite. I would only be impolite in real life if I was pestered having given my answer.

I would

"I fancy a bit of cock tonight"
"I was just thinking the same"

Ok so what’s the difference between saying you would never date a bisexual person and saying you would never date a person of a different race? What if you find a man who ticks everyone of your boxes but has had previous relationships with men, it’s sad that you would write off so many people for that reason. You don’t possibly know, the idea that you would write so many people off is a phobia.
Again, no one is forcing you, but sexuality isn’t a choice. So to discriminate on those grounds alone is to be biased.

Plus the most popular tv series and novels at the moment feature romantic same sex relationships, so some of you are hypocrites.

Because each of us is entitled to say no, for any reason whatsoever. I really don't understand why that is do difficult to understand. I'm not dictating to you who you should date. You are free to make your own decisions. And that means I'm free to make mine.
Many years ago we lived in a world where women who had sex outside marriage were called awful names. That was wrong, men were praised for doing so, they were a bit of a lad. Now, it seems, that women aren't allowed to say no. We aren't allowed to set our own boundaries, aren't allowed to think that something isn't for them. Both ideas are just as bad. I don't care what others do in their sex lives, providing it's with a consenting adult. I'm asking for that in return. I'm not going to be guilt tripped into a relationship I don't want by people calling me names.

No.

I would not want to invest my heart in someone who desires parts of sexuality that I have no chance of ever providing. The male form, male energy, male sex. With someone bisexual they desire something that isn't you. It's a huge turn-off. I've had men tell me on dates that they're attracted to women with hair and eye colours that are different to mine, and a different race to me on one occasion. I found that a similar feeling: You like something that isn't me, and it's something I have no hope of emulating, ever. That's depressing and feels like there are limitations from the start, which I don't like. I want to be my partner's physical ideal. Being with someone who wishes I had different hair or eyes or race or sex is not a promising start and it doesn't turn me on.

🤢🤢🤢

I don't like same-sex story lines. I can't relate to them at all, so I find them boring. BrokeBack Mountain was an exception because it portrayed how much people used to lose back in the times when it was forbidden, and what wasted lives resulted in that time. It did an excellent job of conveying a deeply human experience, and loss, and missed opportunities, things I think everyone can relate to. Plus, it gave a fascinating look at a historical era.

But all the same-sex relationships in the Sex and the City reboot was just a big yawn to me, because I could not relate to those feelings at all. I liked Stanford and Anthony together because they were funny. But I got no enjoyment out of Miranda's storylines.

Can we just rewind a minute? Bi people (men and women) don’t come with the word “Bi” stamped on their forehead. Likewise many are not going to announce this on a first date either. So it is likely that it is something they may reveal later on.

I think you need to read my post again.

It doesn't make you a bad person, or a bigot, or hateful.

Once again, you've failed to read my post.

I'll add the bit you've so conveniently not quoted.

It doesn't make you a bad person, or a bigot, or hateful.

@loislovesstewieso you’d be ok with hearing that someone would never date a chinese person, or a black person. And you wouldn’t think that constituted prejudice?

Also 1 in 10 people in the UK are gay or bisexual, it’s not that much of a minority.

Where does this poster live? Iran? Homosexuality mocked? Have you failed to see the rainbow flags on display in schools, supermarkets, libraries? I’d say it’s more celebrated than mocked.