Should I cover daughter’s essentials during dad’s contact if he pays CSA?

[Buzzbizz]

DD father recently started paying csa of 64.00 a week. She's 15 stays over his 1 night a month at most. Yesterday I sent her money for period pads now today for underwear. I know that he got paid yesterday. Because he pays csa does that mean I need to pay for things she needs when she's with him?

He is married with one child theres just the one income. And he's been telling Dd things like he only has 64.00 to feed his family.

I haven't said anything. Its only small things. But im a bit worried it could become more or build up. But im not sure if im just being a bitch.

To be honest if she’s only there once a month she’s unlikely to have a load of her own stuff there I’m guessing?
is this stuff to leave there in her room? In which case he should pay for it
if she goes with a bag of stuff and comes back with it all then I’d suck it up and just buy what she needs
she’s already got her dad saying about food money you don’t want to end up putting her in period poverty of making it awkward for her to ask him
I’d speak to her and say that you’re happy to make sure she has what she needs but he needs to step up.
eg I wouldn’t buy a £60 hoodie to leave at his house

No. It's as simple as that. Doesn't need further explanation. His time = his responsibility.

Yes he should be buying things to cover his time.

Presumably the amount he pays is reduced because she stays there and also because he has another child. This is because that money is supposed to pay for dds upkeep.

Saying that. If she's only there 12days a year. Does she actually want to keep any of her stuff there?

Technically he should be providing, washing stuff, bedding, after-school care if during school days, food, clothes washing ideally if there's anything there, period stuff ideally, it's not a burden to have those. But does she even have her own space there?

Gently correct DD on the shit he says through. If he is paying that much weekly with another child he must be on a decent salary and it's pretty pathetic to complain to his daughter about his apparent poverty.

No, he needs to provide for her on his time. But practically, when it’s one night a month… why does she need money to buy underwear? It’s one night a month so she just needs to take a backpack with a change of clothes and toiletries. Why are you having to send her money to buy underwear on one overnight?

Just simplify it. She packs an overnight bag with underwear and sanitary products and toiletries etc.

I don't think its reduced because she doesn’t stay there enough. The same with having her own stuff there she just takes a bag with her.

He pays me csa weekly because he gets paid weekly. He used to give dd 20.00 a week pocket money but he's stopped it since he started paying csa . This is only his 2nd payment I did wounder if hes thinking I pay csa so I won't pay out anymore than that .

Im not going to say anything im just going to double check with dd that she has extras in her bag. But I don't know what he will be expecting of they go out for meals days out etc.

With the comments about paying csa I told dd to say im 15 I cant deal with adult problems.

She asked you because she didn’t want to ask her dad for money for tampons

And make sure she doesn’t take her own money with her as well if he is going to be like this. You need to teach her to say that it’s his time so he needs to cover her costs, tell her that you’re not sending pocket money to pay for her time with her dad.

I know it’s shit and it’s not fair on the kids but she is old enough to learn what he is like. I had to do it with my kids because it was costing me a fortune if they took their bank cards to their dads so I stopped it and told them and him why.

No she didn't shes not embarrassed about periods. She would just tell him.

Anyone father who thinks £9 per day towards raising a teenage daughter is anywhere near sufficient is either stupid or being deliberately nasty.

I will see how it gos i don't really want to put things on her that could be difficult.
I do see what your saying about it ending uo costing alot of money though thats my worry. So I will definitely keep an eye on things.

So she asked him
and he point blank said no?

So are you saying his daughter asked for money for tampons and he looked at her at said… No?

You said she didn't want to ask her father for tampons. I said that's not the case as in she's not embarrassed.

I can't be 100%that she asked as I wasn't there. But he was with her when she got them. And when she contacted me about underwear he was in the car next to her. I told her to give me 10 mins and she asked how long till we get to the shops. And he said 5/10 mins so he knows she was asking.

It is very obvious that she didn’t want to ask her dad.

Or you’re saying she asked him but he said
no - which would indicate he is a very cruel man

Just ask her if she actually asked her dad for
Money to buy tampons and go from there

Which means she asked/told her dad what she needed and he said no, and told her to ask you for the money. So you need to toughen up and be firm here.

”You’re with dad so he can buy them.”

If she asked her dad to buy tampons and he said “no”… you have much bigger issues with him than him not coughing up a fiver.

Although I very much doubt a 15th year old girl would be rushing back to her dad’s in future if he’s the type to deny her something so critical

I don’t think one night is worth arguing about. Don’t rock the boat as many men look for opportunities to lower their payments.

He’s an arsehole and for just 12 nights a year I wouldn’t cause DD more aggro but wouldn’t be encouraging any contact with DH either.

What an absolute shit he is, if he carries on she will stop seeing him entirely.

I'd try to make sure she has everything she'll need for the night when she stays. Of course he should be providing, but if you are able to help her if she needs it I would just so she isn't stuck in the middle.

No its definitely not. Him having her for 1 night a month doesn't effect what he has to pay. But no its not worth it. But if he starts telling dd to ask for meal money/day trips etc. Then i will have to say something.

I’d just provide what my daughter needed. Don’t make her a pawn in adult arguments.

Of course you shouldn't have to cover essentials when she's with her dad. However, he is clearly an unpleasant and inadequate little man who doesn't give a shit about his own child so... make sure she has tampons and clean knickers in her bag when she goes to see him. Dont give him the satisfaction of upsetting her.

We have no idea whether the DD asked him and he said no or whether she went straight to OP!

Yeah i will remind her to pack extra.

Dd often doesn't want to see him. Well she does but in small doses. She doesn't like a full day to often. And she will stay over 1 night a month at most theres often a 6 week gap. Hes always putting adult stuff on to her. She will often tell him shes to busy or tired she puts him on DND.