Should I cover daughter’s essentials during dad’s contact if he pays CSA?

[Buzzbizz]

DD father recently started paying csa of 64.00 a week. She's 15 stays over his 1 night a month at most. Yesterday I sent her money for period pads now today for underwear. I know that he got paid yesterday. Because he pays csa does that mean I need to pay for things she needs when she's with him?

He is married with one child theres just the one income. And he's been telling Dd things like he only has 64.00 to feed his family.

I haven't said anything. Its only small things. But im a bit worried it could become more or build up. But im not sure if im just being a bitch.

Period stuff and her clothes yes ... food and toiletries no.

Regardless of who's paying for them, a 15 yo should be planning ahead to make sure she has enough underwear and sanitary protection with her for a one night stay, and enough cash on her to pay for unexpected eventualities. That's just adulting!

Technically he should but the man is clearly a waste of space. Give your DD what she needs so she doesn’t have to beg for sanitary towels from a man who is so fucking useless that he only has £64 to feed his family.

He shouldn’t be putting his adult problems onto a child by telling her he only has x amount to feed his family imho. Whilst budgeting is absolutely a vital life skill that all children should be taught, it sounds like he is weaponising that to make her feel that she can’t ask him for anything because he’s having to pay what he legally should and he’s bitter about it. In your shoes I’d probably just buy the stuff myself tbh

What an arse he is. You shouldn’t have to but what I would do is get her a “dad bag” with minimal clothing, toiletries and make-up etc. It’s such an faff moving between parents - packing and unpacking. Just make it super easy for her so all her proper stuff stays at home.

Your suggestion about arming your daughter with a neutral factual response to passive aggressive comments from him is perfect. Do the same to his face. Never let him yank your chain. Save the anger and frustration for a safe space (no where near your daughter). I recommend a group chat to craft the blandest most HR response to any of his requests. Know staying calm will piss him off more than anything.

he’s so stupid for potentially jeopardising his entire relationship with his child (who will wise up quickly to bullshit). What an arse!

He sounds like an A hole and resents every penny he has to pay for her.

She will be of an age in the next few years where may see him a new light.

Well my ex pays about £65 a month per child not per week and still pleads poverty.

He used to have clothes/uniform at his house for when they stayed as they were there regularly. Covid stopped his earnings as he was self employed in a business that closed so he took on a different job. Eventually went back to his original job but it means a lot of travelling so he doesn’t often see them now. They have no clothes here anymore because they kept growing out of them. Now they pack a bag.

He buys basic toiletries but they are teens who have specific requests now for products and he point blank refuses to buy them.

Mine both use washable period wear so they pack it and take it with them and bring it back to be washed as they don’t trust him to wash it properly.

My youngest doesn’t often want to go to see him now. She does go to his but moans amount and is actually often quite rude to him.

I suspect OP’s daughter needed underwear as her period came on out of its regular patters so she wasn’t prepared. She’s probably had an accident and needed new underwear and pads to keep herself going whilst there. My ex apparently does have a small selection of pads at his house for emergencies and he would buy some if they needed some but I just make sure they check their calendars for the likelihood of something like this happening.

I can't imagine totting up the price of pads or tampons. I also don't count how much loo roll my kids and their mates go through. I don't use them anymore but my daughter puts them on the shopping list when needed, her mates and DSs mates, and my nieces can help themselves.
I wouldn't be happy about subsidising her at Dad's but a few tampons or pads wouldn't register and wouldn't have even when money was tight. Most places provide them now. I wouldn't make your dd have that conversation with her dad as they aren't close.

For so little contact she can just take things with her, makes more sense for one night a month. As long as he’s actually feeding her?

He should be covering things when he has her.
however, I would sort out period stuff yourself I don’t think she could feel comfortable asking dad for this.

I will definitely double check she has enough and I wouldn't make her have that conversation with her father that's not fair on her. I just hope he doesn't start pushing for me to pay if she going out with him and expects me to pay for her meal or entry fees etc .

See how it gos for now but I definitely won't push the sanitary wear stuff.

Csa accounts for days at which parents. So your CSA money should be for when she is with you.. saying that id rather pay if she needs sanitary stuff than risk him not bothering

Why does she go at all ?
Doesn't sound a pleasant experience.

You don’t think her dad should pay for his daughters clothes or period products but her mum should? Why?