Why does my mum seem annoyed anytime good times happen to me ?

[Whatisthisweirdness]

For example, get a big promotion
.....response, a flat annoyed oh

Boom a trip to somewhere once ina lifetime kinda thing, again flat, annoyed voice saying oh, in the tone ive down something wrong

Etc etc etc

Wtf is that about ? And how would you respond to the oh

Unfortunately she sounds like the type of mother that is jealous and doesn’t want you to succeed/wants to be the centre of attention. My only suggestion would be to completely restrict any information. When I speak to my mother it’s nothing more in depth than topics like the weather. When she sometimes hears something that’s happened that I didn’t tell her about I just say “oh well that was months ago” and change the topic.

Also ment to say, this part, its actually really deranged isn't it
Batshit crazy

about the past war crimes committed by the country I was visiting, started telling me about how they ate "deep fried fingers" (?!) and generally shitting on it from a great height with a perverse sort of racist glee, despite literally never mentioning the place prior to hearing of my plans.

So what, though? She’s created the situation.

In my own mother’s case, she switches off when I’m happy because she latches onto people who are lonely, unhappy, ill or otherwise troubled because there’s a role for her there, and she feels needed and powerful. When someone’s happy and successful or has good luck, there’s no ‘need’ for her.

I've been thinking perhaps Part of her issue is wanting control

Because she sees me successful and happy, she knows that she doesn't have influence or control, where as if I was on my arse, struggling or whatever she would be able to lord it over me, tell me this is just how life is and to suck it up, and she would have a free regin to tell me what I should be doing and criticise me to infinity

Where as she doesn't have the opportunity to do that to me

Just cuz she will lie, twist and manipulate it to others in the family

and who are these others and how will what they think harm you?

I'm asking these things only because I used to think very much how you describe. I can't do or say x because then this person will think that and they'll tell people and those people will think such and such and they'll look at me funny and they'll judge me and they'll talk about me... and generally I'd feel like, I dunno, someone would come round my house and club me to death

But the truth is that it's ok. It really doesn't matter and nothing much changes in your life no matter if people are told you've been mean to someone.

You don't have to give a shit.

also, do you think your family are all very stupid people who are blind to her behaviour?
In truth, they probably know full well what she's like and even if they don't, it doesn't have to be your problem.

Other members of the family prob know exactly what she’s like - don’t worry about that - be true to yourself

Well I love and like the rest of my family or I would be long gone, I'm not sure how much others see as to one of my sibling they are the golden child, can fo no wrong in her eyes so they've had a very different experience, but its not something we've ever really discussed
I get they have had a v v v different experience
So guess I think they wouldn't get it
And I'm not sure I wanna drag up a lifetime of this trauma and I have accepted she that way and won't change where as younger me always hope one day she would realise the error of her ways and change

It is jealousy. MIL was just like this with DH, and he was an only child, so it wasn't even as if she had a favourite other child.

PILs had a lovely home and life together, FIL adored her and she him. They were so wrapped up in each other, and poor old DH could never get it right however hard he tried.

Bizarrely I think she liked me more than DH, but she used to be so resentful when things went well for us. As a mum I couldn't imagine feeling like that. If someone can't be happy for their own child I feel sorry for them, what does make them happy?

Maybe they clock what she's like

what makes them happy is other peoples misfortune

Probably. Just be ready to deal with any comments calmly if they ever come. Eg We don’t get on … or change the subject if she comes up. I bet you find people don’t bring her up as much as you expect

Reasonably cordial semi-low contact, these days. I considered a more extreme severance and totally understand & respect those who do, but the hassle of trying to negotiate this around other family actually felt like more effort/imposition for me... She's actually been quite civil in my presence since I withdrew a lot (after she accidentally included me in a chat with my sister bitching about my house move falling through 🫩), and she is OK with my kids, so I do bring them to visit - I just keep everything on a really superficial level and act blank if she tries anything! I realise I'm lucky compared to many in this regard, but it works all right for me just now. I don't think she's changed that much, in that I'm sure she still tries to start gossip about me when I'm not there, but I really have managed to restrict her emotional access and dampen down my own reactions!
I wish you lots of luck finding a path.

Literally the same

Reasonably cordial semi-low contact, these days. I considered a more extreme severance and totally understand & respect those who do, but the hassle of trying to negotiate this around other family actually felt like more effort/imposition for me

That's just how I feel and I even feel if I went NC with her she would actually love it as it would give her loads of attention and she loves being a victim so it's less energy to just go low low low contact

Yip my mums the exact same, I hardly tell her anything now

My mum is like that OP. Doesn’t matter what it is I do, just feels like I can never make her proud.

Yes there is a board for children of Narc parents, it’s called….wait for it…. “But we took you to stately homes…..”

Isn't that just a big thread though ..? Or is there now an actual board?

Similar here - my mum married my dad five days before I was born. Her parents disowned her, it wasn't a happy marriage and didn't last long. She is still bitter about it all and has taken it out on me. As with yours, her life didn't turn out as she hoped, so why should mine.
She took every opportunity to put me down, never celebrated my achievements and revelled in any misfortune. I just don't tell her anything now. I'm retiring next month and haven't even told her as I'll just get comments like 'you've never done a hard day's work in your life' or 'it's all right for some, other people have to work until they're much older'. She definitely won't be pleased for me.

When do you think she will cotton onto the fact your retiring ? Do you have any nice plans .?

Your mother sounds similar to mine. She doesn't have your back and likely never will have. The 'oh' means she's bitter, resentful and jealous. That promotion you worked hard for, she should have had that. That trip of a lifetime, she deserved to go on that. And so on. I eventually went NC and it's one of the best things I've ever done. If you can't face that, try the Grey Rock technique. No good news, no bad news, everything is "fine" or "ok." Keep to neutral subjects like the weather. It's as boring as hell but it won't give her anything to feed off.

My mum was like this. Saved up really hard to take my children to Florida for 2 weeks - did she ask about it upon our return - nope and didn’t give my children any spends either. Took them to Lapland right near Xmas. Saw my mum 2 days later never asked a thing about it. NC for 2 years now

My sis is like this . Was jealous of my lifestyle but used to ridicule me for working hard and focusing on achieving a good career and financial stability. Then seemed to take delight in my marriage woes and divorce said I had no business having such a big house ( normal 4 bed detached in an estate ) anyway . This because she squandered a lot and had to settle for less .
My MIL was a bit like this , jealous of me and her other DIL thought we had it too easy . So what ? Times change .
I always consciencely make a huge effort to celebrate and praise my DCs achievements because of it.