Why does my mum seem annoyed anytime good times happen to me ?

[Whatisthisweirdness]

For example, get a big promotion
.....response, a flat annoyed oh

Boom a trip to somewhere once ina lifetime kinda thing, again flat, annoyed voice saying oh, in the tone ive down something wrong

Etc etc etc

Wtf is that about ? And how would you respond to the oh

Total narc. My mother is like this. I saw her micro expressions of smiles and glee whenever something bad happens to me as though I have it coming.

It’s also jealousy. Horrible.

Probably resentful. Lots of folks are like this. Stop telling her the good stuff. Tell her the horrible things that are happening in your life. That will cheer her up no end.

I would just not tell her anything. TV shows, the weather, what auntie X is up to

and?
What happens to you if she does that?

And how would that affect your life in any real sense? If you are already LC because of her attitude, so I dont see that it would have much of an impact. She cant have a tantrum without an audience, so dont give her one.

Sounds like she doesnt give much to your life, so I am wondering why you havent just dropped her altogether.

You seem pretty switched on regarding her behaviour OP! Which is great. Stay vigilant and protect your peace.

It's a heady stew of jealousy, bitterness, anger, resentment, did I mention jealousy? Served on a slice of toxic inability to soothe their own emotions or improve their own situation (despite having as much chance as anyone else to do so), mixed in with a good old dash of inverse snobbery and/or snide judgement.

In short, do you have to have this person in your life? When I finally realised three decades too late that I am a valid adult and I wouldn't accept such bullshit from any friend or random person, the shine of it being a "close family member" wore off very quickly. I'm much more free now.

To give you a funny (!) example of my own personal hell, I made superhuman effort to sort a once-in-a-lifetime holiday to a place I've always wanted to go. It was truly the peak of my life, I was almost childishly excited about it. I'm dvery disabled, it was a huge deal and a huge effort I was very proud of managing.

In response to this, TFM (Toxic Family Member) suddenly started buying books about the past war crimes committed by the country I was visiting, started telling me about how they ate "deep fried fingers" (?!) and generally shitting on it from a great height with a perverse sort of racist glee, despite literally never mentioning the place prior to hearing of my plans.

There is considerable distance between us now.

I'd probably try a bland 'oh, didn't think you'd be interested'. And then change the subject to something else.

If she says something like 'aren't you going to tell me about it then?' say 'sure, of you're interested. What would you like to know?'

Basically force her to show interest if she actually wants to know! If it's hard work she'll probably leave you alone for fear of having to seem like she cares! 😂

That's an excellent question - let her cry and tantrum and just leave the room/house/wherever op. You are an adult and you can walk away. I think sometimes we can forget that with difficult parents and get transported back to childhood.

It seems many of us have parents like this. Big promotion would be met with “how did you wangle that? What are you going to do when you actually have to do the job?”

redundancy would be met with “well, being grown up isn’t so great after all”

I once dated a highly educated bloke and my mum actually said “he’s a bit out of your league isn’t he?”

No he was a twat but thanks for the vote of confidence!

I think that some parents really don’t want their children to have anything more than they did. But wtf was the point of working and striving for our kids when they were younger if they don’t get more than we had?

Yes I've had a lifetime of it, I've accepted

1. She's a dick
2. She will never change

I've done what I can to emotionally cut off, don't share any concerns or worries, limit info, I don't expect support or kindness

I also see them micro expression of glee if she's talking about someone else's misfortune, before she tri3s to cover it up a bit, but you can still see the glee

I only have her at a distance so it doesn't effect my relationships with others
Too much

And as for what would happen if I did do that, she would just try to ma,e me look bad to others as she lies and exaggerates
But I agree saying something like oh I didn't think you'd interested is perhaps what I'll try next

Wow this is the best description I've read
It's a heady stew of jealousy, bitterness, anger, resentment, did I mention jealousy? Served on a slice of toxic inability to soothe their own emotions or improve their own situation (despite having as much chance as anyone else to do so), mixed in with a good old dash of inverse snobbery and/or snide judgement.

This is so accurate it's insane

That's actually a good idea
I think I might do this

I also like to thank you lot on here, that have taught me about darvo etc over the years
First time I heard a out that I was, that is exactly what it is to a t

Mines the same and she would absolutely enjoy something shit happening to me. It was very weird.

The closest I got to it was I was the baby who ruined her life and she only kept me out of spite to her parents as they were very keen on a termination. As her life hadn't turned out the way she thought she deserved then it's only right that mine didn't either.

We're NC now. Some mothers probably should have given the experience a swerve.

I’d stop sharing news, I’m so excited when my adult children tell me about any good news they have, I’m so proud of how hard working they both are to achieve the things they do.

i feel so sorry for you having a shit mum like that.

I have lots of these in my family, inlaws too. My mum is definitely this way. She was upset and judgy because we bought a swimming pool for my children, her grandchildren. A in ground tiled luxury massive swimming pool you might think?

No a £100 swimming pool that she thought was us reaching above our station. She begrudged my children who have additional needs who have never been abroad a bloody argos swimming pool.
Meanwhile its terrible news that a sibling can't go on their 6th 10 star holiday to dubai how will they cope the poor lambs.

It is bonkers.

I am trying to go no contact I am done with the stress.

Is there a toxic family member or narcissist board? Would be lovely to get advice from others that understand without the" you only have one mum"comments and the " I'm sure she doesn't mean it",

I know there is they took us to stately homes thread but wondered if there was a board?

she sound very bitter

does she have much going on in her life?

i remember saying to my mum, oh you love it when someone is ill, when my dc were a lot younger, any illness would really interest her!

Google covert narcissist. My MIL is one and cannot be happy for her only son (my DH) or me. Everyone something good happens she creates drama and attention for herself.

To answer your question: jealousy/envy.

Just don’t tell her these things. Save your bad news for her and get your validation from friends/partner (if you have one).

Mothers’ jealousy of their daughters’ achievements is a common phenomenon.

My mum was like this. A very specific sarcastic "OH yes?" or "HMM" if I reported anything good. "It's not really YOU, is it?" when I got successful in my field. Low key snark about my husband. Delighted gossip to others if things go wrong for me. I tried to figure it out/solve it for years and years, but having my own kids made me realise just how weird it is, and that life's too short to either put up with it or try to understand it. I just give her no ammunition - ie information- anymore. She hears about my life from others, and she can say what she likes. She's jealous, sexist and belittling and it's not my problem. I'm sorry it's your experience too. You don't have to participate in the game she's playing - it's about her, not you.

Yes I think a board would be good, think there will be plenty of posts for it

No, never had friends etc

Are you low contact with her or nc

Only reason I'm not nc is other family members