Receiving Disturbing Cards

[Circularspandex]

Name changed because it's outing.

DH and I have been together for twenty three years and have two teenage children.

Last year, about a week before mother's day, I received a mother's day card with my name written inside and then a heart. Nothing else. I didn't recognise the handwriting. It was posted from a city which is at the other end of the country (NE and I live in the SW). My street name was misspelled on the envelope.

I was freaked out by it, but ignored it after a while.

We've been away this weekend, but have just found another one in our letterbox. Similar To My Mother card, with my name and heart. Written in the same green pen, it seems.

This time there's no address, stamp or postmark on it, which is really worrying. It just has my name on her front. Unfortunately our Ring doorbell has run out of battery and we haven't charged it.

Do you think I should contact the police? DH thinks I should, but I don't want them to think I'm wasting their time.

I definitely do not have any other children.

Did you reply to say it was nothing to do with an abortion or miscarriage in the past?

No I’m not really ok it’s effected me severely.

I brought my dc up alone after court removed parental responsibility from other parent decades ago. Horrendous da. Not allowed to come near us and so on plus I moved hundreds of miles to a new area. That’s who sent me the death threat about 30 years since the last time I saw him using a fake name.

The police were not helpful imho. I was in the station sobbing and collapsed at the desk as I’m terrified of him. Since then they’ve told me I’m in a category called ‘extreme threat to life’ and I’m to be ‘careful’ plus that they know his aliases and addresses as there’s a file…I assume da to other partners. Until he does something else to me there’s nothing they can do, that’s all they did and said.

So I’ve been in a bad way ever since, I already had ptsd from the abuse and this has made my life that much harder.

apart from my DC (threat was aimed at them too so sadly I had to tell them) and DP no one irl knows as I felt utterly humiliated and ashamed that that’s been sent to me.

I'm lucky and haven't had a miscarriage or abortion.

I don't know but I think you've got a good first chapter for a thriller!

I'm so sorry. That is awful. I hope you're getting support.

So you say it came from another part of the country? Guessing postmark on envelope???

so how will ring doorbell help if the postman (Royal Mail) is delivering or am I missing something?

Maybe it’s someone who thinks you’re their mother? Like an adopted child out there somewhere that has the wrong end of the stick?

When I was looking for my birth mother, long before the internet, I wrote to several people with the same name, albeit explanatory letters rather than cards. One did write back to say it wasn't her and to wish me well.

(I found her in the end).

Just been told that someone in the local village saw an unfamiliar man riding towards my road on a bike, wearing a motorbike crash helmet. They said it looked strange. I asked if it was an electric bike (which might explain the crash helmet), but they're not sure. They couldn't see the person's face and they were covered up, including gloves.

Could be nothing, but that does seem odd.

Thank you. It seems there’s no support for this sort of thing .I asked the police if there were any domestic abuse type of charities that could help me. The police just said no as my situation is not the norm. So I’m just left to cope alone.

i am feeling as let down as I did when I contacted the police all those years ago when I was being attacked and they didn’t help.

in your case go to the police just incase. I would say from my own experiences of life and men it’s 95% likely to be some awful man. 💐 have you ever dated someone awful like my ex?

Sorry. Was inappropriately lighthearted before reading that it has very much upset you. It is troubling and maybe you should inform the police so it's recorded just in case.

Definitely contact the police they can verify that from a camera elsewhere.

There is no point calling the police because no crime has been committed. Therefore they won't investigate (and realistically what could they investigate if you've chucked the card).

It would be worth keeping any future card in case anything further happens and yes, keep your ring doorbell charged.

I can she why you feel a bit freaked out though, it's pretty odd.

Is there a nutty neighbour who is sending these to all the women in the street?

That made me laugh, "I have never had an affair" because I am pretty sure you would know if you had a child as a result of it!

Have you asked your kids if its one of them as a joke? I wouldn't let it freak me out or call the police its more puzzling than threatening.

I’m also thinking mistaken identity.
A child( now adult) who was adopted at birth and thinks you are their birth mother. They don’t want to press for further contact as you might not want to know them.
If this is the case I have no idea what you can do other than try ancestry perhaps and see if you have any matches on there.

Eons ago my dad was an exam marker and markers marked in red and then moderators moderated the papers in green. Getting hold of green biros pre-internet was a bloody nightmare. Off topic I know.

Could you show us the card OP?

I would be interested to see or read a description of the picture. Any words on the back?

A pic of the handwriting ? You can tell a lot sometimes.

You could run it through the Google lens thing, to maybe show where it was bought? If it was mass produced or from a smaller seller? Maybe local?

How common is your maiden name? It could be someone who found out their birth mother was Jane Smith and found a Jane Smith married a John Rosebery so assumed it was you, disregarding any other Jane Smiths.

Have you asked your neighbours either side or opposite if they have Ring doorbell footage?
Why would anyone put your Christian name on a MD card? Even if it was someone who mistakenly thought you were their birth mother, they'd put 'Mum' surely.
Really weird, hope you get to the bottom of it.

How many women are there on your DH's side of the family with his surname?

🤣🤣🤣

Coming back again to say if you didn’t have to actually point the finger what’s your gut guess?
It’s most likely someone you know.
Anyone who could be involved in your children’s lives that you might not even know well but they know enough to know your name. And don’t rule out other children who may have seen you at school- weird ideas some people of any age or type. Parents of your children’s friends?

Make a case with the police now. If someone did hand deliver the card, wearing a motorbike style helmet, that’s a little odd.
Since this is the second card, get it on record, through the non emergency line.
It just means that if they keep sending things, you’ve reported this as a nuisance, and it makes it easier for the police to act, even if it’s to have a word with someone.

I should say that people become obsessed over all sorts of things, and things they consider a slight.
At least two men for completely different reasons complained once about my management position, and another time, that I appeared to have a much more senior role than he did, although we had started at the same time.

The first person made false allegations about all the female managers in the company I worked for, and he was spoken to by law enforcement

The second one, I had started the same day, but because my Manager was on holiday, they’d taken me to the department the complainant was in, just to sit in and see how things worked, with one of their team leaders.

So it may have looked like we were staring together, but I was there for a day or two, I forget, and just as a temporary thing, before starting my job in a different department.
He made a big fuss in an unrelated meeting a few years later. It was very odd, and had obviously bothered him for years. I’d never seen him before as he worked on a different floor to me, but he knew who I was. !