Your biggest mumsnet character flaw (that causes you no problems in real life)

[HailMerry]

Having read a few threads that variously refer to peoples’ failings with organisation with them being variously late or missing in action I can never get over the ferocity of attack in response to these posts. I mean I wouldn’t understand as I am shocking and despite trying really hard I will forget things, get lost, confuse days, double book myself. And it causes me no problems whatsoever. No one thinks I think I am more important and no one sulks or ditches me.

I am a kind and loyal and helpful person so a bit of chaotic twattery is forgiven easily. I mean people organise me a bit and send me reminders sometimes but that’s it.

also never remember to offer tea and coffee and visitors just make their own or remind me and I will make a cup. Again, no one cares! What is easy in your life that mumsnet makes sound really complicated?!

I have a "gold-plated pension". I pay a higher % in (more than double) than those on defined contribution pensions and also take a lower than market AVG salary for my role/abilities. Pensions are generally acknowledged as the "pay off" for low public sector pay. But obviously I'm still "taking the piss".

Again I am not causing massive problems anywhere, I don’t crash through life. I do get the most repercussions and my lovely friends couldn’t care less. L You sound like you find it easy to be honest anonymously and hard to be authentic face to face. Work on that and you may not find people so frustrating.

You actually sound like one of my friends. Her secret Santa bought her a toy car and an L plate! Rude! I can’t see why it’s any of anyone else’s business.

I work PT for the simple reason that I want to.
I dont have any children here or caring responsibilities.
I just dont want to be at work all the time and I dont need the money

OP sounds like she might be a fun and understanding friend though.

I love weddings, especially childfree ones. I like celebrating adult birthdays. Life admin takes up approximately 0.2% of mine and my husband’s time, and have never found it an issue. We both work full time and don’t feel guilty about it. We open the door to people. Had children later, never been mistaken for a grandparent, never felt like overly tired (much fitter and healthier in our 40s than 30s). Enjoy the occasional UPF. Drink more than a thimbleful of wine.

😂

I don't earn £250k, I'm just an idiot who works in admin😔

I have a hot tub. I love it. My neighbours don’t care. I’m in it right now, it’s so relaxing.

I've never worked in a toxic workplace.

Never noticed a schoolmum clique.

Never met a bitchy woman.

I don't push DS to go to uni.

I'm not very good at driving.

I actually really like men and enjoy their company. I particularly love their irreverent 'banter' (yep, I said it) and the fact that they don't feel the need to consult both the Geneva Convention and The Female Eunuch before saying a word.

My DH does zero housework. Nothing. Never has. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. We've pretty much always had a cleaner, so I don't do much housework either, but I still handle all the domestic, day to day, stuff.

I pack for DH, always has. He hates doing it so I'm happy to do it for him. He does plenty of stuff that I'd rather not. We're happy to help each other out without some sort of rigid spreadsheet keeping score.

We've never kept tabs on each other and don't especially feel the need to 'check in' with each other when apart. I certainly don't require him to provide me with his itinerary 6 weeks in advance and I don't begrudge him enjoying himself, ever. Occasionally, he goes out, gets stupidly drunk, tumbles home and is fit for nothing the next day. I bring him a cup of tea and aspirin, give him a kiss and get on with my day. No seething resentment or elaborate plans to punish him for having the temerity to cut loose every now and again.

I could have written this word for word!

@MTOandMe oh that's refreshing! I'm usually the lone voice in the wilderness!

I sometimes feel I'm the only wife who actually likes her DH and is happy for him to be happy. And it cuts both ways for us. I was away visiting a friend and decided, last minute, to stay an extra night. Zero angst or conflict from DH. No resentment at spending 'family money.' Just a cheery 'Okay. Love you' from DH.

Can’t speak for myself as I’ve never started a thread like this - but all the women who complain about their husbands being lazy/shouted at them in an argument once/told one of their friend’s their dress looked nice at a wedding, being told they’re being abused or to “just leave”. Completely ignoring the fact you’ve been married to this person for 12 years, have a mortgage and 3 kids together, “he’s not the one for you, LTB”. Most unhelpful advice in the world.

@HailMerry I’m just like you when it comes to lateness. It’s pathological! I do try but I just cannot seem to judge how long it takes to get somewhere/get ready to leave the house as well as other people. There’s actually been evidence to suggest always being late could be biological. And no one’s ever stopped being friends with me over it, or even expressed any annoyance (including the ones I know who would if they felt it!) it’s just the way I am. People don’t mind because I’m a good friend in every other way and in the grand scheme of things it’s not exactly a huge character flaw. Everyone has their individual quirks that may not be ideal for other people eg. chewing louder than others, tapping their leg on the floor while sitting, tapping their fingernails on the table, eating a tuna sandwich in the office now and then, taking ages to decide what they want to order at a restaurant. All just character quirks that make us unique and may be mildly annoying for some people but not exactly something you’d end a friendship over. However on MN you’d think you were the biggest entitled, selfish narcissist in the world 🤣

Same.

And I teach primary school kids. If I stank, they'd be sure to tell me!!

Here's the thing:

For everyone like you who sits there seething with resentment that their friend is always late and forgetful, and feels their friend is causing 'massive problems' and 'negatively impacting their life', there's also someone like me. Someone who doesn't find that their friend's inability to get anywhere on time or remember what she's meant to be doing next Tuesday really bothers them much at all.

So I'm guessing the OP's friends are people like me, rather than people like you. I have a friend who is late for everything. I also have a friend who invariably has to make complex last-minute changes to plans because she's realised her child needs driving to a birthday party or that she's got an appointment immediately beforehand in a different part of town or whatever. This doesn't bother me in the least. I find it funny and we joke about it.

If I found someone's personality/behaviour annoying, and I resented them and thought they caused 'massive problems' and were 'negatively impacting your life', I would simply not be friends with them, because friends are meant to be people we like and who make our lives better. You would manage to avoid all the anguish you described simply by not hanging out with people you dislike.

I agree with @BauhausOfEliott on this. I think the world would be a happier place if the tidy-minded and the chaotic self-segregated a bit more. I struggle with organisation and being on time, and my relationships and working life improved no end when I found a career that rewarded flexibility and spontaneity, and friends who didn’t feel personally attacked if I was 10 mins late.

(I’m talking about moderate functional chaos here - booking things last minute and forgetting where I parked the car - rather than the type of chaos where you’re emotionally all over the place and owe people money and stand people up and need bailing out all the time, which is to my mind more the ‘crashing through life’ variety)

Ooh I’ve thought of more MN toxic traits of mine

I have drifted out of friendships without holding anguished crisis talks and an exit interview to provide ‘closure’

I take time alone to gather my thoughts after a conflict, so that I’m in a better place to talk it through calmly later, or move on from it. According to MN this makes me a manipulative abuser dealing in ‘stonewalling’ and ‘the silent treatment’

I generally prefer male company and often find a lot of women's conversation often tedious. I don't think all men are awful predators who are ready to pounce on women. I'm not frightened to walk through a town or in the countryside on my own.

I’m an introvert and am quite happy without a loving relationship, I’m not looking for a partner. Neither do I have (or want) children. Thankfully, I can live a good life this way, as am financially secure due to being that most despised of beings, a high earner.

I think "mental load" is a silly, pompous phrase for normal activities of daily life.
Things like paying bills, making dental appointments, booking a holiday, buying birthday presents etc are all just normal daily activities.
You can't just expect to get up, keep yourself clean, eat, spend hours on your phone and nothing else.
There's lots of things that need doing to live a normal life and that's all it is - doing things as part of living your life.

I don’t feel like I have an unbearably heavy ‘mental load’ because I book DC’s dental appointments, haircuts, book holidays etc. DP is crap at those things so I do it and don’t consider this part of the patriarchy’s evil plan to keep me in my place.

I don’t routinely go NC with friends/family members. I don’t know any narcissists.

I’ve never been left ‘shaken’ or on the verge of tears following an altercation in a supermarket, car park or after someone has complained about my DC’s behaviour (that’s generally because I don’t allow them to behave like feral individuals in public). If someone is shirty with me I assume they are having a bad day and crack on with mine.
People on MN seem to lead extremely anxious lives where the smallest interaction with others (“this woman in Asda asked me to move my trolley out of the way…”) causes huge meltdowns and days of angst.

Oh snap @LaMarschallin

I hate motorway driving, so I use alternative routes

I went to a polytechnic