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Original poster

Do you feel like the people who have married into your family, are family?

106 replies

PersephoneParlormaid · 22/02/2026 06:42

Having been on another thread it made me think, do you feel like the people who have married into your family are actually family? Even as a child I didn’t feel like the people married to my parents siblings were related to me, I called them Aunt/Uncle because I was told to.
I think that I must have felt the need for a blood connection from an early age.
I just wondered how others feel?

OP posts:
tuesdaytuesday31 · 22/02/2026 06:44

I think for a lot of people it depends how much you like them 😬

I have two sisters in law that I get on really well with and I’m as close to them as my actual siblings, but a BIL that annoys the hell out of me so I don’t feel the same connection to him.

Morepositivemum · 22/02/2026 06:48

Yes, I would have, we see them all the time, they do presents and cards for me and would think of me eg while out at the supermarket. Sadly when we started having problems they were too quick to close ranks imo, they hugely backed off. I do love hold them dear still as they’ve been great over the years but we’re not close now

WhatNoRaisins · 22/02/2026 06:51

I think I'd try to focus more on whether I could build a positive relationship with them. My DH has an aunt and uncle that I'm closer to than my own aunt's and uncles because they've always been kind and taken an interest in me.

I suppose that means, no they are technically not family but given that I've got blood relatives I'd struggle to pick out of a police line up it doesn't matter to me.

AstheCrowFlies89 · 22/02/2026 06:53

Yes, My brothers wife feels like family, theyve been together since i was like 14, I am mid 30's now. It would be wild to not have her around day to day, my mind equates her to the same connection as my blood relatives.

Oodly enough, her family feels like distant cousins, they don't feel like a random passerby, neighbour or friends. No social connection, but i'd care more about them and show interest more than an acquaintence for example.

AppropriateAdult · 22/02/2026 06:54

Yes, I’m lucky enough to have 3 SILs and 3 BILs whom I genuinely love, I would definitely think of them all as family.

Weirdnailhelp · 22/02/2026 06:55

Yes but one of my SILs and step sister don’t feel the same way and it hurts! So you can feel one way but it doesn’t mean the other person does.

SingtotheCat · 22/02/2026 06:57

Yes, it’s been 33 years with DH and his side are my family as well as my side. I am lucky.

BrucesBarAndGrill · 22/02/2026 07:00

To me I think it depended on the relationship I had with the person, for example I have 2 uncles on my mums side, one blood related the other married my auntie, the uncle who was blood related really never spoke to me or engaged with "the kids" at all, still doesn't. So even though I am actually related to him I have no relationship with him what's so ever, I'd be more likely to refer to him as my mums brother than "my uncle Sam". On the other hand, the uncle who married into the family was really friendly and nice, totally engaged with everyone in the family and made a effort to keep up with our lives, he was an artist and used to draw cute little cartoons in our birthday cards. We also did a lot of family activities with my aunt, her husband and his parents/siblings/neices etc so even though this uncles siblings had absolutely no relation to me at all i did and still would call them "uncle Steve" / Aunt Miranda. But that family was just so warm and welcoming that we always felt like we were beloved family members even without blood.

I suppose this is my long wonder way of saying that in my life I've found its love and not blood that makes a family.

Pineappleice43 · 22/02/2026 07:01

My brothers and sisters other halves are family and really great people! However, I know my DH's family don't think of me as family despite knowing them for 20 years. In fact his dad has outright said it before. It did hurt but now I know they can't be changed and I don't get as involved anymore.

EleanorReally · 22/02/2026 07:02

i loved my aunty and my uncle, related by marriage, now dead.
one of my other uncles i also loved very much, was closer to him latterly than my own df, my parents divorced
my bils there is an undercurrent, obviously i havent known them all my life and dont see very much
it really depends

firstofallimadelight · 22/02/2026 07:06

All my aunts and uncles were married before I was born so they felt equal. Two of my uncles got divorced and remarried when I was in my teens and they don’t feel like Aunts in the same way.
I’ve been with dh twenty years and dhs family still doesn’t feel like my family.

Furandblack · 22/02/2026 07:06

No. I only ever saw mum, dad and brother as family. We only very occasionally saw other relatives so I didn’t really know them. Christmas was just parents and brother too.
Don’t see in laws as family.

Looking back. I’d have preferred a close, extended family.

My parents were ‘odd’ too. Damaged by their own families. So I was never close to them either.

i envy people with close families.

WhatNoRaisins · 22/02/2026 07:08

Agree that it's about love. My conflict is that my parents expect me to feel a blood connection to people that I haven't even seen in a decade. I don't think they realised that they needed to facilitate time together with family or contact when younger for me to feel the connection. I'm much more intentional about this with my own DC.

mrssunshinexxx · 22/02/2026 07:09

Blood aunts / uncles no , one sister - no, BILs no.
lots of ‘fake’ aunties that I love dearly and friends that are like aunties to my children.
it is my goal in life to be a supportive mum and MIL and hopefully gain sons / daughters in the future through our children marrying ( if they wish )

Meadowfinch · 22/02/2026 07:17

One BIL definitely is. Two BILs were not, one divorced, one now deceased, but neither were kind. And my SIL, no not really. Not because she has done anything awful, just her interests and values are so different to mine, and because she has caused my dB a lot of hassle over the years. We don't really understand each other.

MikeRafone · 22/02/2026 07:29

I consider married people to be family, that to me is the point of a we’d celebration. Two families coming together. Whether they have children or not they become part of the family.

1000StrawberryLollies · 22/02/2026 07:38

Yes, definitely. Including my PIL and dh's brother and his wife, my dsis' husband, and the wife and husband of my parents' siblings. I get on well with all my extended family, but I would still consider the non-blood relatives as family even if I didn't like them. For me it's just a fact, as they are married.

modernfairies · 22/02/2026 08:01

Yes definitely. Same for DH’s family. MIL had a very complicated relationship with her mother and asked me if I would choose and do a reading at GMIL’s funeral as she didn’t feel she could. Of course I did this and was very touched to be asked.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 22/02/2026 08:07

Yes but if they split up I would probably not see them out of respect for the blood relation. Even if I liked them.

Isaidnoandnomeansno · 22/02/2026 08:15

My siblings had dp for nearly 30 years who although I didn’t much like one, did feel like family. They’d been there since teenage years. They then divorced and their new dp are strangers to us. They aren’t interested in getting to know us in older life.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/02/2026 08:21

Yes, because I’ve known them for so long (a BiL and a SiL - especially BiL since it seems like forever now) but it’s still not quite the same as siblings.

LittleRoom · 22/02/2026 08:21

I have a large extended family and I feel close to all of them, including those who've married in. I'm also very close to DHs family. I definitely see them as my family and I know they see me as theirs.

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 22/02/2026 08:24

My uncles husband i have always considered family. He’s been around before I was born though!
I don’t consider my aunt as family but she was awful to my grandparents and then had the cheek to say my grandad was like her dad after ignoring him most of the time. I don’t see my other uncle as family but then again I don’t see my dads sister as family neither as I am not close to either.
My brothers girlfriend I see as family, they aren’t married despite her desperately wanting to be married but I love her to bits she’s a really kind soul and great with dc (they spilt up for a while and I still saw her.)

mel78y5 · 22/02/2026 08:28

Yes I do. My family is pretty odd in that all of us met our partners very young and have stuck with them! There’s been no divorce in my generation and the last time someone new was introduced was over 15 years ago when I myself was still pretty young, so I suppose by my experience I’m just used to people staying which might help make people feel like family sooner if it doesn’t feel like a revolving door.

SoManyFidgetToys · 22/02/2026 08:28

Hmmm. I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule really.

I have two SILs - one I just don’t know well, they live far away, they’ve not been married that long, don’t have kids together, she’s not communicative with our side of the family and is quiet in person.

The other I’ve known 30 years, we get on well, and both have SEN kids so have been lots of support over the years.

So I suppose one I assume would always be family and I’d hope to always stay close to, and the other one if my brother divorced her I’d be surprised to ever speak to her again!

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