Do you feel like the people who have married into your family, are family?

[PersephoneParlormaid]

Having been on another thread it made me think, do you feel like the people who have married into your family are actually family? Even as a child I didn’t feel like the people married to my parents siblings were related to me, I called them Aunt/Uncle because I was told to.
I think that I must have felt the need for a blood connection from an early age.
I just wondered how others feel?

Anyone who marries into the family becomes family by default in my life. Divorce complicates things, as does remarriage... My husband's brother got divorced 18 years ago, but I still consider his ex wife family, she is my childrens' aunt as I am to hers. She is still MY "sister in law".

Not family in the same way my biological family are. They are more like friends, or in some cases acquaintances.

One of my parents and some of my aunts, uncles and siblings have step children and have been quite vocal about everyone needing to think of them the same as they do their bio children. I find it odd that they’ve tried to tell us how we should feel about people. We are always nice to them but I don’t class them as my siblings, cousins or nieces and nephews like they want us to.

Our family just gets bigger. When DS married we became very friendly with DiLs parents and consider them family. We stayed in contact and visited BiL of 25 years when the marriage broke down. I would also include friend of over 45 years who I consider to be part of our family.

No. They're nice people that I enjoy spending some time (not too much) with but I know if dh and I split up I'd never see them again.

I do and I hope that my ILs do too. My SIL married someone who has a 13 year old son and I include him also in Christmas gifts for the children... have for 4 years since they got married. His dad took me aside at the last family wedding and told me how very much he appreciated that, as everyone else excluded him just out of not really thinking about it but they have started also. I have to confess it was primarily mainly through MN threads where people talked how hurt they were when their Dcs from another marriage were excluded in their new ones that made me think that through.

Mind you- I had a hideous aunt and I consider her side to be 'people I'm related to' not family.

Yes 100% - maybe because I have a small family?

Intersting question.
As a child I didnt really differentiate between aunt/uncles that were my parents siblings or those that were married to parents siblings. Obviously i knew which was which. I think it comes down to connection and who spends time with you, of course i was closer to some than others, invariably my aunts who took more interest in me.
Im not very close to DHs siblings, we dont see them much. If im honest i see them as DHs family not mine.
I really get on with my brothers long term partner and I consider her a friend and part of our family but I am aware her and my brother could split up. Not on cards and hope they dont but if they did id really want to stay in contact with her but over time we could drift apart , like any friendship. Whereas my brother is a brother for life and we will be in each others lives until our dying day.

I genuinely consider my bil as my brother. I’ve known him for 45 years and we get on so well. I certainly love him like a brother.

My husband’s brother feels like family, but his parents don’t. It comes down entirely to the closeness of the relationship, in my opinion.

Depends on the person and my relationship with them.

my generation - or brothers and sisters in law - no.

A generation up, and yes, I ser my uncles as uncles even though they are married to my blood relatives.

I don’t have siblings, so I don’t know what that relationship feels like, and so I’m not an Aunty. But I don’t get called Aunty by DH’s sibling’s kids, and I’m glad about that as I don’t feel any connection to them whatsoever.
I have half siblings on dad’s side, but we didn’t grow up in the same house, and I feel no more connection to them other than to anyone else I know.

All my aunts and uncles were just family whether they were the blood relative or not but they’d been around since before I was born.

I guess people who have married into the family since I’ve been an adult don’t feel like family in that sense but I still class them as family.

I think what will be strange will be when my children have long term partners and the extended family that will bring in terms of parents and siblings from their partners side.

Quite sad that you don’t feel a connection to your husband’s nieces and nephews. What sort of “connection” are you expecting?

Yeah for the most part - it takes time and helps if they’ve had a child that is your blood relation.

I’m not sure because I don’t know how others feel.
I suppose some sort of love, like I love my kids/DH/parents/grandparents.
Its not something that bothers me, I just think about it sometimes when it’s mentioned on MN.

That seems a bit sad. Don’t get me wrong my feelings for nieces and nephews aren’t comparable to my own children, but I found it really exciting all our siblings (DH’s included) having kids and having these little people we share in some way, just another way you build a life together really, one of the special things about marriage and sharing a life.

In my case that would be my two DILs. They are 100% part of my family and my husband and I do not treat them differently to our sons in any way.

My DH family are pretty cold fish. We’re cordial, but not close, but he definitely thinks of my side as family. We’re both very close to our DCs partners and relate to them as closely as we do to the DC.

Yes!

It’s just a different relationship op. It doesn’t have to feel exactly the same.

I feel a close connection to my husbands nieces and nephews and view them as my family, but I do struggle to call them ‘my niece/nephew’ and always say DH niece. I have wondered if that is strange.

I love my brothers wife, they have been married 25 years + and she is a lovely person, a fantastic wife and mother. I feel lucky. My other brother lives abroad with his long term partner who is also wonderful but I don’t see them so much.

Of course they are family. I don’t like all of them, but then, I don’t like some parts of my “blood” family either.

I don’t understand the idea that a person married to my mums sister isn’t my uncle because he isn’t “blood”, and yet if they have children those are blood relatives so we call them cousins and consider them family. That’s frankly ridiculous.

Yes I see them as family.

Entirely depends. My grandfather died before I was born. Grandma remarried - that man was 100% my grandfather.

My Aunt remarried when I was in my early 20s. That man is 100% my uncle.

My parents remarried in my 30's, I've never considered their adult children my step-siblings, and my parent's spouses were just that.

Another aunt married before I was born. Hated him, evil man, but he was my uncle.