Meetings in the diary with line manager are so stressful!

[Thesofathatwas]

With no context, just “meeting “.
It sends me into a complete spin.

Im super anxious about getting let go, I’ve got horrible imposter syndrome, a new line manger. This one is the 4th in 3 years.

1:1 meetings are pre booked in advance, always cut very short and she is picking me up for things that come out of nowhere.
Impossible to read, and gives nothing away. It’s like she is a HR person.

Theres a “catch up” meeting been put in for Monday. It was put in today, Friday. No other context. Me & another colleague are invited. (No one from HR has been copied in so it can’t be bad).

See what I mean! Spiralling. I’m going to be in a mess all fucking weekend now.

You have my sympathy. I just quit a great job for this very reason. Meetings with her everyday basically made me so anxious I couldn't do it.

She also was critical, gas lighty and inconsistent with feedback. It wasn't a pleasant experience.

I knew it wouldn't get better so I just said no thanks not for me. I think she was flabbergasted I walked away. Wish I'd of had the balls to tell her why.

Ask for a title and an agenda

And respond 'tentative' when asking.

DO NOT let this ruin your weekend. Life is too short to be dealing with middle managers on power trips.

A well known bullying tactic. Stand firm - email and ask her to confirm the purpose of the meeting and whether an agenda will follow or if she would like you to pull one together - and if so, what are the points you should include. Appoint a note taker and develop action notes so that everyone is clear what is required for the next meeting. If she's vague about the purpose of the catch up meeting repeat your request for clarification so that you can prepare effectively for the meeting.

Ask if you can have a bit more clarity about the meeting.

Also, do you have ADHD? I do and as soon as i'm invited to an unexpected meeting a spiral uncontrollably, i'm going to get sacked.

I hate it when this is done , i had a boss that did this too.
I email them right away and ask what the meeting is about and if it can be brought forward to today ( so you don't have it on your mind for days )
If they reply with something like ' a quick catch up ' ask again for context so that you can have relevant notes .

If its about project x ( and its something you deal with ) send them a quick synopsis of what's happened in the last week / month / meetings .
Keep it as brief as you can but cover what you think is most relevant.
Then depending on the reply you can either give them a bit more info or put it to bed until Monday and at least you will know what's coming .

Email to ask her what the meeting is about and if there’s anything you can do to prepare for it.

I’m a manager and always let my team know what it’s about beforehand or, worse case scenario, put a message in the text box on the calendar invitation saying what it’s for.

X post with @SirChenjins 🙂

I hate bosses on power trips. Going through the same thing! Constant criticism - she even texts me on my days off to ask me to send her something. Yesterday, I was nowhere near my laptop so text her back explaining that. No response! No acknowledgment whatsoever so I assume she was pissed off.

My manager does this. I don't think it is deliberately arsey on her front. She just seems to have no idea that is sends most of us into a tailspin when she does it. It is always something completely innocuous, but it never stops me worrying.

Her old manager was much better, she once put a catch up in with me, which was really unusual, then messaged to say it was nothing to worry about.

Ask for a referral to occupational health for anxiety:
OH can put in writing that a reasonable adjustment is that meetings aren’t done like this eg you have to be given an agenda upfront.

Yes I think this is poor management. My team has a “catch up” meeting about once a fortnight but the context of the meeting is clear - a general catch up on where each person is up to with their work, a chance for team members to raise general work issues, and discuss new projects etc. In this sort of meeting any issues with one member of staff’s work would not be picked up - if we had those there would be a specific 1:1 meeting (and that would not just be shoved into someone’s calendar without warning). I too would be tempted to respond with a tentatively available response.

Everyone hates sneaky meetings like that. I'm a manager and I'm very aware of that.

You do have a right to push back some. You can tell her that you'd like to have an agenda for each 1:1 to run through key items. You can be honest that without a clear agenda you find short notice meetings a little disconcerting. You can drive the 1:1's a little more than you are at the moment - you shouldn't have to, but you could. "Here these are my achievements, development and challenges in the last month, let's discuss them boss."

Anyway, a collegue wouldn't be present for anything of an HR nature, so it's not that. Chill.

Gosh these sounds awful. I always pop a few sentences in to let them know what the meetings about

I never ever do this my team. It’s shitty. Ask her for an agenda or else decline the meeting

Well only decline the meeting if you can deal wity any blowback, but sometimes this can be effective technique to train ppl to get better at setting proper meeting parameters

Aren't 1:1s normal? The short notice thing isn't great but a catch up meeting in my line of work doesn't have a set agenda. I bring a list of things I've been working on and questions I want to chat through with my manager, and my manager has a list of things she needs to update me on. It's quite straightforward.

No but I am highly suspicious I may have traits.

Yep, did this.. reply “ nothing to prep, it’s a catch up”

ABOUT WHAT THOUGH???????

So ask her about what?

Yeah it’s not a 1:1 as my opening post says.

We have those every now and again, 30 minutes in the diary, done & dusted in 15!

Feedback that meetings without adgendas make you stressed.

I hold weekly catch ups with each of my team. We both have a list - things that we need to let each other know about, questions, issues, updates on projects, etc. Maybe approach it that way, and clarify at this meeting that is their expectation going forward and then suggest a regular date/time each week/fortnight/month that you'll hold them as that will help you prepare/anticipate (and not get quite so anxious!).

Could you talk to them and let them know it’s causing you anxiety? Maybe if they are a different type of person it’s not occurred to them it might be worrying to some?