Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

So that’s unreasonable. My ex and I shared finances fairly well. I was the higher earner and we put all money into one bank account to cover bills and joint expenses. We then both got the same amount paid into our personal accounts for personal spends such as clothes and hobbies etc. I couldn’t have given myself a higher proportion of spending money and made him stay home and me go out for example just because I could afford to and he couldn’t. We did go out separately from our individual spends but jointly from our joint. Things like cars came from joint. At first he didn’t drive so we had one car. I mainly used it for work and he cycled or walked. We did joint stuff on days off. But the car was a joint finance as we both benefitted from it. Our joint account also paid for him to learn to drive and eventually get a second car. I learned to drive before we moved in together so I financed that all from my own money as I did my first car. But the next car we chose together to needs the needs of what we both wanted it for. I was still a driver who transported him and his hobby for example but wasn’t always needed as his hobby groups often shared transport between themselves.

I'm an only child and never had a penny. My mother bought me an oven for a new house when I was a single mum 30 years ago and that's it. Won't be much inheritance for a couple of reasons I won't bore you with either. I work a minimum wage job and live month to month so I can't help my son with anything (he earns twice what I earn anyway). If I could I would.

Your DH is a tosser. Doesn’t he want his wife to drive a safe car with his kids in it? Never read anything so ridiculous. He needs to put all the money in the pot so you both get bills paid and your cars sorted. What a silly little boy he is.

I’d want to sit down with him and do a full budget, working out where every penny goes and what’s left over. This is so unfair to you, it’s ridiculous.

And during that chat, point out to him just how many school holidays there are in a year. Does he have enough leave to cover 50% of those? I don’t think his parents are the only people he’s taking the piss with.

@Zerosleep My car is up to me to maintain and his is uo to...his parents. He feels that is fair because he is their son.

Thank them and take it. My parents were very well off, spent the lot. My mum didn't work (cheaper houses in 60's etc), but I had to work in order to have a family- sized home, and the childcare I had to organise as a freelance worker in tv was a job in itself. Parents didn't offer us a penny, childcare was not offered as they went on holidays at least 6 times a year. Fair enough; their choice.We now have enough money to help our own kids, and I really don't want them dealing with the stresses I had.Each to his own!

Excuse the personal nature of this question @BestBefore2000. Are you still sexually active with him?

@Slightyamusedandsilly Not sure what that has got to do with things?

@fashionqueen0123 Because it's 50/50 and has been for years. The fact he is almost a millionaire is of no relevance in the eyes of the law, unfortunately.

I'm really surprised at how many posters receive money, flights paid for, meals out, treats, shopping, trips paid for etc!

I mean you chose to shag him … reasonable?

@goz Not sure what you mean?

You chose him.
He sounds like an arse, you know that, you’re happy to plod on.
Not really sure what you want anyone else to add!

@goz But perhaps it is me being unreasonable? He is paying most of the rent. What should I expect of him realistically?

Because he's so mean. And greedy. I just wonder how that impacts on how you feel about him on a physical level. I'm trying to not assume my personal interpretation is necessarily yours.

Except that in this marriage, they don't.

Basically he pays 75% of the rent, a bit of food, and that's it. OP pays the rest of the rent, and for every single other thing. All the other bills and utilities, the general grocery shop, EVERYTHING. He already earns more then her, so that extra money that his parents throw his way doesn't benefit OP in any way at all.

He earns a lot more than her, she pays out a lot more than him. And then he gets top ups from his parents for beer and petrol and anything else he gives enough for. This is not a functional marriage, in the financial or shared responsibilities sense.

@saraclara This. If they desperately want to give money, why not do it in a way that benefits us both and not just him?

You say in one of your later posts you would feel embarrassed taking the money and so would I. Actually I would feel ashamed. Also it would be a huge turn off. Presumably he’s not bothered about indirectly robbing them of better quality of their lives (they’re not well off)?

It isn’t common / normal despite what you may think from reading various posts in here.

Nrtft but I knew a man like this. His parents were his first option if he was short of cash, and they gave it willingly.

He was shit with money, couldn't forward think about what he needed to put by to afford occasional expenses.
He couldnt be trusted to pay the bills on time so his entire salary went into his partners account and he was given 'pocket money' which he was totally frivolous with, and then just went back to his parents for more handouts.
He would pop in and see his parents 2 to 3 times a week and help them with whatever they needed.
Eventually, his parents went into a care home and their house was sold to pay for their care, and the money dried up, and very quickly, he went from seeing them 2 to 3 times a week to seeing them less than 2 to 3 times a month, because he couldn't be arsed, always had something else he would rather be doing, and that's when I realised that his parents had been funding him to keep him close, to maintain their relationship with him. That was the role they played in his life.

Guess what? He's still shit with money and still spends on frivolous things, except now his partner has to stretch money even further to accommodate his crap money sense.
He's learnt nothing about managing money in over 60 years.

You are either a couple and in it together or you are not. If his parents want to pay for his car then that’s one thing but jointly together you should be agreeing how you are going to pay for your car maintenance. Sounds to me like he’s just leaving it all to you because it’s all too inconvenient for him. That’s not a partnership. You are single in the relationship.

It's his parents fault he's selfish and greedy. They allow him to see himself as separate and more important than his family. I can't wrap my head around him watching his wife struggle financially while being a spendthrift himself.

If I were you @BestBefore2000 I'd see how much school holiday childcare would cost, and work out what his half of it would be. I'm not saying you should do it, but I'm betting he won't want to pay half. It'd detract from his disposable income.

@berlinbaby2025 He says they "enjoy" giving it to him and would be offended if he said no.
MIL (83) is now both almost blind and quite deaf so unfortunately they are pretty limited to what they do now. FIL (also 83) no longer drives.
Husband thinks nothing of it.

@Slightyamusedandsilly He doesn't see himself as a spendthrift at all - but doesn't see that his parents constantly helping him out is meaning he doesn't have "normal" outgoings such as car repairs.

@BestBefore2000 I think what’s being pointed out is that you are allowing him to do this by not putting a stop to it. Take him up on his suggestion as I have said before. Call his bluff. Ask him what weeks he is taking and watch him flounder. Maximise your potential and strive for your own goals.
Play him at his own game. As he isn’t having to find money for a service, tyres, MOT he can put more money in the pot.
I am not being unkind but your responses smack a bit of being a martyr. Get angry about it. You aren’t acting like a married couple. He should do more. Your wealthy ex should do his bit.

@Zerosleep He says I can save 25% of my wages a month and pay it out of that. He has also said I shouldn't be buying Costas (I have about 2/3 a week).