Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

@Octavia64 sending a big hug and a high five. I am in a similarly awful situation in that as eldest child of fiscally irresponsible parents I am forever bailing them out (well WAS up until stopping contact)
I wish I had the OP’s problem!

this bad OP. Sorry. Are you the lady from Ireland who has very similar story and pays the rent to her father in law. I am so mixed now

@Daftypants my dm decided to help us by paying for dd3's athletics membership fee starting about 8 years ago. As she got older it became more expensive so last year it was £100 for the year. Dm paid but dd3 got an injury and hasn't been as regularly. She keeps telling me it was a waste of money! Their travel insurance is over £3k a year.

You can gift money out of ‘excess income’ up to a certain amount each year. Can’t remember quite how much, but as long as you can (at a later date) show HMRC that it was indeed excess income then you’re all good.

I don’t do it to my DCs but my mother gifts small monthly sums to her grandchildren. It just helps a bit with their rent etc.

My dad helps us. Not to the tune of credit cards etc but if we ever mention needing work done on the house or car he sends it over sneakily. He does the same for my brothers & sisters aswell.
He always says it’s no use him having it sitting doing nothing & that he’d rather help, his favourite phrase is there’s no point being the richest corpse in the graveyard!

It's his refusal to top up what he gives you when you're not working (and when the rent needs paying) that I find unreasonable. Maybe my post was confusing.

No down South properties are expensive and £500k doesn't buy a lot.

I must admit I find the subsidising of daily life strange, but I have received occasional monetary gifts from one parent to help pay for DIY in house etc. Other than that, it is paying for the odd meal out when together etc. DH and I are in our 30s and both our parents have a similar approach. Never have I or would I expect my parent to pay for private dental care...!

DH and I plan to fully pay DS’s university fees; we have a three bedroom rental property fully paid off in a nice commuter town near London that we plan to gift to DS; and I plan to help financially in any other way that I can. I’m currently a stay-at-home mum that’s planning to return to the workplace within the next year (currently re-training) and the majority of that income, which will in essence be disposable income, will go into a savings account we already have for him. It gives me great pleasure to be able to do this. I expect him to be motivated and hard-working in life, but we’re fully aware that nowadays life is hard (getting on the property ladder, day-to-day living, etc) even if you have these attributes, and if we have the means to make life easier for our child (and future grandchildren), why not?

There is no ‘normal’. If they can afford it and it comes with no ‘strings’ and they aren’t babying him, I would say it’s absolutely a lovely thing to do. Making his life a bit easier and nicer is, I’m sure, bringing them joy too. Nothing wrong with it.

They can’t take it with them, why wouldn’t they help? I’ll help mine for as long as I can, I’d hate for them to think they can’t accept my support one day because of an age limit.

It's better than keeping it and being hit with 40% IHT!

My parents in law have helped us out like this, including for some big items. We've been really grateful as it has enabled us to do things for the kids that we wouldn't be able to fund ourselves - think funding school trips and holidays. They have also helped out their other adult children. They do genuinely want to contribute, as they don't spend all the money they get in their pensions. However, it makes me feel a bit queasy (as well as grateful) as I feel we should be able to stand on our own two feet by now.
As for whether it's 'normal' - it seems to be not uncommon.

Do you know that Skipton building society do mortgages based on rental record up to 100%? Might assist with purchasing somewhere

Sounds a bit of a cliche.

My DH comes from money and has been given huge amounts (mind boggling for some), he works like a dog. I don’t come from money, have helpful supportive parents, and have a successful business and always work hard. My DH and I have the same values and very different family circumstances.

I’m surprised you’re attracted to him. He sounds like a man child - asking mummy for money to see a band, poor me I can’t afford it - urgh.

Because you can’t afford to take a day off sick when you need to! You’re supposed to be a family. A husband and wife are supposed to share all their worldly goods with each other. The fact that he’s able to do what he likes with his money, while you’re counting every penny, simply because his pensioner parents are subsidising him, is pretty shocking.

Wow so £100 per year is nothing to them !

I think it depends where you live. In the SE due to property prices it’s not that hard to hit.

I know lots of people my age whose parents are giving them as much as possible now or seeing financial advisors and creating trusts and all sorts to avoid it

Why doesn’t he pay maintenance?

My parents were separated and polar opposites. They separated when I left home. My dad gave me nothing. Not even birthday or Christmas presents. Never bought himself things either though. If I met him for lunch he would buy his own and I’d buy my own. When I became a single parent I had to say I couldn’t meet him as often as I couldn’t afford to be eating out. He sometimes would get my lunch but not regularly. He did start giving my kids £10 for birthdays and a selection box for Christmas after a friend had a word with him though.

My mum on the other hand usually pays when we go out for food. Often buys me some bits of food she knows I like from a particular shop if she’s there. Always buys tons of gifts for birthday and Christmas wit usually £100 cash. Also pays for my kids hobbies that I wouldn’t usually be able to afford. Some years my kids get £100 for Christmas or birthday but every so often they’ce had £500. She says she would rather see us enjoy it now than us get it when she dies. If I’ve struggled in the past to buy a new carpet or something else we’ve needed for the house the she’s usually offered to pay. She helped towards my last car at one point as I needed a new one and couldn’t afford one but she was worried about me and the kids being stranded in the old one so offered towards the monthly payments.

My ex’s parents are very different. £20 on birthday card, split the bill when eating out, they’d buy drinks usually because they drank more. When we were together and struggled with money they didn’t ever offer to help.

So no I don’t think it’s normal for all parents to be that generous but some do it because they like to see us enjoy their spending.

I give my adult children money in March for to help with their kids summer clothes needs and in Sept towards school uniforms .
I also give them all money towards their summer holidays. They all have exactly the same amount and it helps them out , some are much better off than the others and by giving to all I don't have to look as if I am playing favourites. I like to give it to them whilst I can see them enjoy it

Update...I've had a chat with him.. He feels that as he pays "the majority" of the household bills it is up to me to save 25% a month of my income to cover the months I'm not working (school hols).
He has also told me his parents are paying for new tyres, a service and an MOT on his relatively new car. On my decade-old car I have to find the money for two new tyres (MOT advisory), a service and repairs out of my own income in addition to that 25%.
Reasonable?

No! About as far from reasonable as it’s possible to get.

ETA, I earn more than my husband. The thought of him struggling to find cash while I’ve got money in the bank is abhorrent to me.

My Mum would happily help us financially, but we are in a very privileged position where we don't need the help. My step Dad was forever paying for things for his kids until the time he died, he had burnt through pretty much all his savings. We were all 30 plus when he died, so certainly not young adults, but I do think some families do operate more than way.

@WilfredsPies He says he has no spare money so can't help when I'm not working. His suggestion is I get a job that is not just term-time and then we both cover some of the childcare.